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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross at a 6yr old girl writing

63 replies

Gorran · 11/06/2011 17:44

'You stink of poo' in my daughter's Birthday card?!

My daughter nearly cried when she read it, be it a 'joke' or not; I just think it's really quite unkind. Or am I being over-sensitive? Whatever, the card's been binned and my DD will hopefully not give it another thought.

Would you mention it to the child's mum?

OP posts:
5318008 · 11/06/2011 17:45

fetch it out of the bin later and show it to the parent next week

I would want to know if my child had written that

WinkyWinkola · 11/06/2011 17:46

Show it to the mother. Not kind.

MrsKravitz · 11/06/2011 17:47

I dont know tbh. At that age they throw these "poo" insults at eachother and think its funny. Or is this just for boys.? I had mine write something secret on a card once and wouldnt show me. I think I should have looked now.

Jaspants · 11/06/2011 17:48

If my child did that then I would want to know so that I could deal with the behaviour and make sure that she gives your DD a sincere apology.

Original poster
Gorran · 11/06/2011 17:48

I was honestly so cross that I ripped it up, it's still quite legible though, in fact the 'you stink of poo' is all on one ripped piece!

The mother concerned does think her child can do no wrong though, so not sure what good it will do showing her.

I agree that I would want to know (I'd be apoplectic if one of my children had written something like that!) but I'm not too sure of her reaction...

OP posts:
happyinherts · 11/06/2011 17:48

Do you know the child who wrote it? Have they had a fall out at school?

I think the issue does need addressing with a parent as it's verbal bullying and could be the start of further unpleasantness. Nip it in the bud, please don't ignore

Jaspants · 11/06/2011 17:48

Oh and I hope your daughter's birthday hasn't been spoilt by it.

Original poster
Gorran · 11/06/2011 17:50

MrsKravtiz - my FIL said the same (they were over when DD was opening some gifts earlier) but regardless, I still think it's mean. Though I certainly agree they all go through the 'poo' insult stage - whilst I've only got girls myself, I know a few friends have had issues with their boys and the 'you smell of poo/wee etc.'

OP posts:
Original poster
Gorran · 11/06/2011 17:52

Happyinherts - we have had issues with this child before, but I had hoped her and my DD were ok again (hence her being invited to my daughter's party) - perhaps not.

OP posts:
cory · 11/06/2011 17:54

It does need addressing, but at the same time you may want to be aware that a child of 6 may not have meant the poo remark as seriously as your dd took it- if it had been made by a 9yo it would have almost certainly have been very nasty; this one may be just very very immature.

diddl · 11/06/2011 17:58

Maybe they do go through a "poo insult" stage-although I didn´t & mine haven´t (as far as I know), but writing it in a card is really nasty imo.

Can you uninvite her?

Original poster
Gorran · 11/06/2011 17:59

Thanks Cory - I'm pleased in as much as my DD has had to toughen up a bit where this child is concerned, thanks to some previous unpleasantness - so whilst what was written was unkind and she very nearly cried, I think she's learned to ignore a lot of the girly bitchiness that goes on.

I didn't think this went on at only 6 years old though!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gorran · 11/06/2011 17:59

Diddl - the party was today and the child came and enjoyed our hospitality, nice going home gift etc. - oooh I could kick myself now!!

OP posts:
happyinherts · 11/06/2011 18:00

immature it may be - but these things spiral out of control easily.

I'm working with 5 boys aged 6 to 11. Boys will be boys and a comment like this was made. The recipient took it in good grace and fun and responded back. It got out of hand with more and more comments made which got more and more abusive and ended up with the original recipient becoming very upset and scared to interact with the others. This is why it needs addressing.

If your daughter was upset, that is enough reason to mention it. When a child no longer sees anything as fun, but is hurt and upset that is the time to raise the issue. I suspect the parent of the girl who wrote it was unaware and will be glad that you did mention it.

happyinherts · 11/06/2011 18:01

Oh Gorran - our posts crossed wires.

Well done on your daughter to ignore bitchiness - very wise and mature. Unlike some of her counterparts.

belgo · 11/06/2011 18:01

Very nasty, the mother needs to know. It's up to her whether or not she does anything about it.

Not every child does something like this, I never did, neither did most of my friends.

worraliberty · 11/06/2011 18:02

Did she just write 'you stink of poo' or was it as part of a silly 'Happy Birthday to you...you stink of poo' type rhyme?

smileANDwave2000 · 11/06/2011 18:02

if there have been issues before yes then id mention it to the mother concerned and id say it in front of other mothers too especially if shes one of those "my dd can do no wrong" types...eg: my daughter was slapped whilst playing with a 5 yo who she was at school with and it left a handprint on my dds face i went and told the parent as i witnessed it and she just said "well she must have deserved it" Shock shes was the school bully btw till secondary school now shes getting her comeuppance as she has no friends and everyone hates her(hardly surprising i guess). but it really is an attitude that needs stamping out early as these kids soon become big bullies otherwise

Original poster
Gorran · 11/06/2011 18:07

No, no rhyme. Just 'To Gorran's DD, you stink of poo, love 'xxxx'' So, doesn't seem to be a joke. I could understand it if it was.

OP posts:
JaneFonda · 11/06/2011 18:12

I wouldn't take it so seriously.

I read it as an endearing kind of thing, unless this child bullies your DD?

At six years old, it is meant to be a jokey, immature thing; it's not the end of the world.

belgo · 11/06/2011 18:13

It's not enduring, it's not jokey, it's rude and nasty and I would be ashamed if my child had written this.

TidyDancer · 11/06/2011 18:13

I think you have to say something to the mum. Your poor DD. :(

howzaboutthat · 11/06/2011 18:18

That's horrid.

When I was a child I was friends with a boy who always told me I was fat.

One year he wrote in my birthday card "happy fatday, fatty".

It was really unpleasant.

Funnily enough, he made friends with me on facebook recently and he is now morbidly obese

diddl · 11/06/2011 18:26

How was the girl with your daughter btw?

BehindLockNumberNine · 11/06/2011 18:39

Is the birthday card rhyme Happy Birthday to You? In which case the girl has written 'you stink of poo' as the next line to continue the rhyme?

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