To be cross at a 6yr old girl writing

[Gorran]

'You stink of poo' in my daughter's Birthday card?!

My daughter nearly cried when she read it, be it a 'joke' or not; I just think it's really quite unkind. Or am I being over-sensitive? Whatever, the card's been binned and my DD will hopefully not give it another thought.

Would you mention it to the child's mum?

Well they do all go through the poo/wee thing but it's not OK to write it in a birthday card. I'd mention it to the mum.

Did this girl see your DD's reaction?

Hope your DD's birthday wasn't totally spoilt.

Tell the mum. She needs to know. Show her the card too so she can see it was her daughter.

As it is the sort of thing my granddaughter who is 5 comes out with, I would say it was meant in a rhyming way. "happy birthday to you, you stink of poo"... nothing more than that.. she calls her grandad "poo-face"

DD's best friend might write that as a joke, but probably not at 6yo, and DD would have known and laughed.

Would I mention it... arrgh, probably. But with low expectations about the outcome. DS might be daft enough to write that, and it's really hard to get anything thru to him unless it's something immediate. By Monday pm, it'd be really hard for him to remember anything he impulsively did on Saturday am.

I wouldn't give them the time of day actually. I always check what my DD (6) writes in cards as she is also at the age where poo is hysterical...I might say something like "Did you read the LOVELY message your DD wrote in my DDs card?"

An if she knew about it then ignore them forever...if she did not know then you've done no harm. Tell your DD to tell the brat kid that she wont be getting another invite.

YANBU

I'd personally want to know if my DC had been that rude to someone even though I'd be mortified by it. I would and have made my 3 year old apologise for being rude to people before, whether she meant to be mean or not.

I'd also definately keep an eye on interaction between the 2 girls from now on just incase there is any nastiness. I don't have any much experience of boys but I do know that girls can be very horrible to eachother, often for no reason whatsoever.

One of my dd's best friends wrote that in her birthday card (9th). Tbh I didn't really give it much thought, and I don't expect her mother had noticed, as she is the type of child to just get on and write a card by herself. My dd's friend wrote it as a rhyme tho .. Happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey and smell like a poo!" i didn't even notice until I was taking the cards down, pretty sure it was a joke.

Well you're the grown up
if it upsets you pick up the phone and sort it out?

Ninah, I didn't say I was upset - my 6yo DD was, though. And rightly so, judging by the majority of the replies.

And if I'm not mistaken, this is the AIBU topic, therefore I posted to ask if I was BU. I wasn't sure whether to mention it to the mother, or whether it was normal practice (which I didn't think it was - but wanted to check) for 6yo birthday cards. My DD is my eldest child, I've never had a 6yo before hence my post to see if this kind of thing is normal.

Thanks for your reply, anyway.

If my nearly 6 year old Ds wrote that in a card I would be horrified. Although I dont think he would. But who knows - poo-head is one of his favourite insults.

I'm shocked a 6 year old girl wrote this. All the 6 year old girls I know are pink, fluffy and sparkly - Does the girly nastiness really start this early these days, it was at least 8 when I was young!

Oh and by the way YADNBU, no way. Poor DD, bless her

I'd be pissed off by this but you can't control what other people dish out to your DD. However you can control/guide how you/she responds to it. I would go for 'Oh that's a bit pathetic- d'you want to keep it or shall we stick it in the bin?" all done breezily and without any kind of self-pity/horror.
Then, if you think it was done nastily and not as a rhyming/jokey thing I would give the girl the swerve. End of. Move on. Lesson learnt.

(although if her Mum is particularly vile I might be tempted to make a 'joke' about it in the playground 'Ha Ha what a hilarious sense of humour your daughter has got what with her calling my dd a poo in a birthday card. Who did she get her manners from?" etc...)

Thanks all. Zippy - good advice. I tore the card up so my DD knows I think that kind of thing is just really crappy and rude. But I show my emotions all too clearly sometimes so she also knew I was extremely cross by it! Oh well. She's none too bothered now it seems so that's something.

Just put it in the bin and forget about it. The girls mum has spent good money on a present and card for your DD.It's just something 4,5,6 yos say all the time.
I think your DD needs to toughen up a bit!!

she was probably thinking along the lines of

happy birthday to you
i went to the zoo
i saw a fat monkey and
it looked just like you

but thought the stink of poo sounded better lol

Um, how come the card was written by a 6 year old and her mum didn't check it out? I'm not sure, not how many 6 year olds can write independently that well, surely the mum would have looked at what was written? If they are 6, then they must be in Year 1, was the writing legible, maybe it was written by an older sibling?

Yes, wotnochocs, as I spent good money on hosting her daughter at the party, providing a decent going home gift, cake and chocolate. Oh, that means she can be mean then? Glad I realise how it all works now!

Ooohyouare...- yes, perhaps, and in context I can see how that would be quite normal childish banter - this, imo, was just mean-ness. But perhaps I am a bit sensitive, given the problems with this child already. It would be far easier for them to stay away from eachother - given there are clearly issues! But you know what girls are like - even at the tender age of 6, it seems.

Stickyj - to be fair, my daughter can and does write cards on her own, with no supervision. But then I do always check the card - mainly because I'm anal and like to ensure the writing is neat and spellings correct!

I think I would invite the child to the next birthday party and give her some Ex-Lax

I really don't see what their gender has to do with it. Given their history, it is rude, and I would mention it to the girls parents.

I think that the parent should have checked the card then if they can write on their own. I would mention the card to the parent just in case something is going on between the girls and they may not realise it. I would be upset if my child had written that to your child and I would want to know why. If it was just being silly, I would ask her to talk to both the mum and the child (not heavy handed) but if if it was meant to be mean, I would be down on her like a ton of bricks!

Hopefully the girl didn´t mean it nastily as if she did, she wouldn´t have accepted the invitation to the party?

She needs to learn some bcard etiquette, though

I would guess at that age she was just being silly, some children do seem to go through a phase when everything poo-related is the funniest thing in the world. It's not nice that your DD was upset though, I would probably have a word with the parent so hopefully they can have a chat with her about what is/isn't appropriate to say to other people, regardless of how funny she thinks it is!