At what age does an innocent boy that needs protecting from a big scary man, become a big scary man?

[needanewname]

Discuss.

Honey I will be the perfect mil although i'd have to give up mn in order to be able to function and not read threads about myself.

It makes me and that my sweet, affectionate, happy little cherub of a boy (currently 3.6) will in a few years time will be an object to fear :(

I hope that I am bringing him up to treat all people with respect but there will always been suspicious, paranoid cowbags with paedomania out there who will assume he is out to rape their girls just because he a male of a certain age!

Blimey, I prise myself away from log off MN for one measly evening to celebrate DP's birthday and come back to find I've missed an epic bunfight.

What happened ?

Yeah Kerry, they do exist mostly in the home. So we'll all get divorced now then?

No-one with sense would ever discount that paedophiles do enter these jobs but to imply that every man who is in a caring profession is by defualt a paedophile is outrageous and highly offensive.

What about female cares who are also abusive? They too exist. As do paedophile women.

The day orphanage thread was about men who work with children? oops! Didn't see it, so I thought it was Beesimo criticising working mothers and just posted a rebuttal on her latest thread. There I go, spectacularly missing the point

Oh well, I'm sure she'll get around to that soon so I'm just preempting her ...

BTW Dooin - love the sound of your cake-bringing scary man. If he has a brother please send him round - I'm afraid I don't have any small children for him to 'bother', but I do have a dog and a life-sized model of R2D2 if that's any good.

'paedos' is such a daily mail- term isn't it?

the thing is that most child abuse happens within the home - over 95% of it. Yet we don't see people talking about the risks to children from their own parents/uncles/friends of the family, much easier to demonise the unknown stranger who happens to be working in a profession where it is unusual for his gender to do so.

Also not all child abuse is perpitrated by men, except it's estimated that an awful lot of child abuse by women is never reported because of the attitude that women cannot be child abusers.

I think its such a shame that peoples fear and ignorance is discouraging men from entering the childcare professions. A male dinner lady has just started at ds1's school, he is the only male working there and ds adores him. He is so much fun and mucks about with them which isn't generally how the female lunch staff behave.

A friend of dh's employed a male au pair and she had him ironing her knickers. I would have to draw the line there I couldn't have anyone, particularly a man ironing my smalls.

I can't believe I just referred to the guy as a male "dinner lady".

My DH is a Scoutleader and is father to 3 children, Should I leave him?
I have 2 boys should I have them chemically castrated they are getting pretty close to puberty?

Mumbling - yes this thread is about a thread, the idiotic one where a mother is complaining about a male nursery nurse taking her DD to the loo - go figure!

Dab it is very sad and so far no one on this thread holds those views (thank god!)

wannaBe, no its not been deleted just full, so I decided to start my own, however none of the (how to put this nicely? mmmm, OK) people who thought the majority on that thread were wrong ever answered my question and I'd really like their view. I couldn;t bring myself to start a new thread with the same name2 so did this one instead.

Kerry unfortunately there are risks but surely when you look arond a nursery you do a risk assement. I don't think anyone disagreed with the idea of it being mandatory to have 2 workers with children at all times (this protect everyone involved) however that specific thread was about restricting males only when it has been proven that women are also capable of abuse.

Paedos are not a figment of the imaginiation, where on earth have you seen anyone imply that? What I have siad is that there are not paedos on every street corner.

"priests here in ireland do not live in anyone else's home except their own or with children in their care. an awful lot of them, it seems, are or have been child abusers."

kerry, parents can be abusers. are you suggesting all parents should not live with tehir DC to remove the risk?

I have often asked myself the same question, OP. Naturally, anyone with a NASTY PENIS is a direct threat to all children/women/small furry animals. I wish they'd nail down the magic age, though, so I can make sure that I evict my DS's on that birthday. My only hope is that most of this hysteria only exists on MN, and in real life people aren't quite so insane.

'i honestly think that every neighborhood has it's local "paedo". Can we not all think of one? The kids can.' - Yes, but how many of the men 'the kids' deem as 'peedos' are actually sex offenders and how many are single, men or men with MH issues?

We used to have a 'peedo' lived near us, when were kids. He once followed me when I was walking my dog. When my Dad asked his mum why he did that, she explained that he had SN and sometimes did not understand social boundaries. After asking him about me, he told his mum he just liked my dog and wanted to pet her

No Kerry I can't think of who the local paedo is here and I'm pretty certain my girls don't even know what one is let alone who he is!

I am off now to pick up DD2, will come back later.

"i honestly think that every neighborhood has it's local "paedo". Can we not all think of one? The kids can." by "local paedo" do you mean a convicted sex offender who lives in your area? or someone who is a bit creepy and by virtue of that fact is considered by you to be a "paedo"?

Because no, actually I can't think of one, and it's a pretty warped way to bring up kids to play "spot the paedo" when actually they might not have even done anything wrong.

My gorgeous son is approaching 16 now, in a couple of years he'll be of to university.
He's my only child and threads like the one we're talking about shocks and breaks my heart for him in equal measure.
That nursery worker is someone's son, and I bet his mum is really proud of him.
I live in hope that, like the above poster, he never meets a girl with a mother with attitudes like that.

'paedos' is such a daily mail- term isn't it?

no, i would say it is more a mumsnet term

boys rock you will have to give up mn and go over to the dark side....gn!! Haha

I do think as parents we have to be vigilant but thinking all men are out to get our children is ridiculous and concentrating on 'them all' may well mean we would miss clues about men/women actually intent on doing us or our children harm.

I was attacked aged 12, and both of my parents were sexually abused as children (by relatives) so I do have a tendency to be paranoid, but about people I know that would be close enough and have time alone with my dd rather than 'stranger danger' or people in positions of trust.

There is far too much hysteria, but I think some peoples experiences have an impact (like mine) but i wouldn't be suspicious of a male nurse or carer or teacher. Some people just like jumping on the 'men are evil' bandwagon though which is very sad. I wonder how many men are put off going into caring professions because they're worried they'll be perceived as child molesters, abusers, monsters that prey on vulnerable people.

kerry your own experiences prove that you were more at risk by people not in registered chidlcare settings.

2 babysitters, presumably both known to your family
2 strangers
2 step-family members.

so out of 6 horrible experiences. 4 of the abusers were eitehr family or known to your family.

well i would like to answer "the moment they attack, rape or abuse someone"

but i fear i will have to say "the moment they reach a stature that woulkd be indicative of having the power to subdue a female, and they are seen somewhere a woman may be whilst alone"

sadly for my brothers and son that will be at age 12