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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

At what age does an innocent boy that needs protecting from a big scary man, become a big scary man?

321 replies

needanewname · 10/06/2011 10:48

Discuss.

OP posts:
needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:29

Crapola please show me where I have been hysterical.

Have you actually read this thread properly? If so you'd have read that the original thread is closed, however the discussion is far from over and I felt very uncomfortable starting a new post with the same title.

I find your posts rather strange and weird, however I have repeatedly asked you the same question (not rude or hysterical) you still haven't answered

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 14:29

What difference does it really make?

I certainly don't think all men are perverts but I can understand why some people are uncomfortable with men in taking toddlers to the toilet. I wouldn't be outraged at all if my dcs were alone with staff male or female, but that's the day and age we live in.

I am not prepared to be victimised by the OP or anyone else for opinions I neither hold or have expressed.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 14:30

I am responding to your OP, OP, why would I read the thread when you specifically wrote my name in the title?

I don't hold the views you have pinned on me so why would I justify them?

Primalscream · 10/06/2011 14:31

'you're not a cretin and you're decent'

So I'm an indecent cretin?

EldritchCleavage · 10/06/2011 14:32

I have the fear and fight it every day. The hardest thing is not to give in to panic thoughts or paranoia, nor over-compensate by not making judgments at all, but steer a middle course.

My DH is the at-home parent and faces the very blanket suspicions being discused on this thread. Maybe this is why the majority of other parents he has befriended and socialises with are European or Antipodean, not British? I don't know, but the British mothers in particular seem to both of us to be more prone to the paranoia reaction. It is very sad.

We all have to try anad make judgments of what risks are out there, and do as best we can. The kind of knee-jerk anti-men attitudes displayed on the other thread are the absolute antithesis of the thought process you need to make proper judgments. Children brought up by those kind of parents are, I think, prardoxically more at risk than children whose parents try to make assessments on a calm, case-by-case basis.

honeybee007 · 10/06/2011 14:32

Miflaw I am crap at keeping up and keep x posting sorry.

needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:33

Ok so a proper discussion

Why is it ok for people to feel uncomfortable with a man taking a child to the loo? If anyone expressed that view and changed man to black/welsh/scottish they would rightly be pounced on, so why is it ok to say men?

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 10/06/2011 14:34

Crapola - but what difference does it make if a nursery nurse is male or female?

It has been pointed out that more of the recent high profile cases have been female nursery nurses being caught - so its clearly not just men that might abuse.

They're both going to be CRB checked to the same extent. What has the sex of the carer got to do with it?

needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:34

I don't see your name in the title crapola

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 14:35

Sorry third post.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 14:36

Why would anyone seriously respond? You are obviously going to belittle or ridicule...what's the fucking point?

needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:37

I did pose the question to you and others from The original thread as none of you replied last night. I have also said I am happy to have a sensible conversation about thus but none of you wanted to do that either. I also said that I though we (you and I) could discuss this sanely ad you seemed to have some sensible views (ie that all nursery workers should be in pairs not just men- apologies if that wasn't you)

OP posts:
needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:38

I haven't ridiculed anyone, I asked a serious question based on a thread that angered me last night. There has still not been an answer.

OP posts:
Primalscream · 10/06/2011 14:40

Why do you care so much?

needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:40

The point is there is a huge section if the society being demonised because if what dangles between their legs! This is not on, I really can't make it any clearer than that. That is not ridiculing you or belittling you (or anyone else for that matter)

OP posts:
Primalscream · 10/06/2011 14:41

Your anger seems a little irrational tbh

needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:42

Primal I care so much because it matters to me and obviously many other posters. I don't have a son, lots of my friends do and I'm horrified that these attitudes still exist.

I'm also against a woman being told she can't do something purely on the fact that she is a woman

OP posts:
needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:43

Really ps? How would you feel if you were treated with suspicion just because if your gender?

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 14:43

I think it's to do with the fact that boys genitals are more visible and pronounced so they don't need much wiping after a wee, girls do and are more hidden. Bottoms are just bottoms. So when a woman attends to a boy it's pretty straight forward, but when a man attends to a little girl it's different.

Now on your other thread, I wasn't saying tat all men are perverts AT ALL. I was explaining the reason that some people may have an issue with it and that whilst I don't hold that view (have never explored it as my dcs did.do not attend nursery) I can understand it. Same as I understood why my Grandfather had an issue with Japanese people(WWII), even though I loathe racism.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 14:44

Just to justify.....I am NOT saying that I necessarily think like this....

Mamaz0n · 10/06/2011 14:47

Sorry but I have responded a couple of times to this thread.
I hadn#t realise you wanted answers from only a few specific posters. I had assumed you were wanting a discussion on the issue.

sorry to have wasted your time Hmm

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/06/2011 14:51

Given that view Crapola men should not be allowed to change the nappies of girl children. However male nursery workers do change girls' nappies so they know all about female genitalia, so I don't know what's so differentwhen they take them to the toilet.

BTW, I was not involved in the original thread so I don't know who said what there or why. What I don't understand is if they had a problem with male nursery workers they would send their child to a nursery that employed a bloke?

needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:53

Crapola your gf has a reason as to why he dislike the Japanese then, I know it doesn't mean you agree with it or it's right. On the original thread the op stated several times that nothing had happened to her so she was asked several times why she was so against a male nursery nurse taking her dd to the loo and what on earth did she think he was going to do

She was also asked why on earth did she feel the need to quiz her dd on who took het to the loo? Btw there was never a proper answer to that one either

Then a couple of other posters arrived talking about statistics, then it was pointed out that statistically speaking your child is more likely to be abused by your dh/db/dad/fil etc than a childcarer

If someone has been abused I can understand why they would feel this way but I still feel we are doing our children a huge disservice to demonise all men

OP posts:
needanewname · 10/06/2011 14:57

Sorry Mamazon, please don't go anywhere, I am looking for a discussion this. Who knows maybe I am missing the point, but no one yet has given me a reasonable answer as to why a man should nit be allowed to take a child to the loo

OP posts:
Mamaz0n · 10/06/2011 14:58

because the only reason is fear and prejudice.