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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I am, but is this really the norm? TMI warning

102 replies

foolserrand · 09/06/2011 23:59

Ok, sorry in advance.

Dh spends an average of 20 minutes (up to one hour 5 mins!) pooping each time he goes to the loo. He refuses to "push" and the one time he did, he gave himself a hemorrhoid (sp?)

He argues this is a normal length of time for men to spend in the john, but I question that. Neither my father or brother ever took that long!

So, aibu to ask him to hurry the fuck up?

OP posts:
snice · 10/06/2011 00:01

he needs to change his diet then-get some museli inside him!

BertieBotts · 10/06/2011 00:03

Um, yes YABU. Why do you feel the need to tell him how long he is allowed to spend in the bathroom? Confused

Unless he's "conveniently" doing it to get out of other things, let the poor man poo as slowly as he likes!

StellaSays · 10/06/2011 00:03

I think 20 mins tops unless you are constipated is normal. how often does he poop? I know a guy who 'saves' his poo for several days so that he can spend a load of time on the loo and have a spliff at the same time Confused

worraliberty · 10/06/2011 00:03

Sorry but I can't stop laughing at the 'one hour five minutes' Grin

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/06/2011 00:05

Has he always been like this, or is it a recent change?

Bogeyface · 10/06/2011 00:05

20 minutes has been known here but only on very rare occasions when he has been ill! Normally ten minutes and I think that is too long, every woman I know can do in 2 minutes what takes the average bloke 10!

But an hour?! A whole hour pooing is out of this world!

How often does he go? If it is less than once every day or 2 then he could be constipated, which would explain his reluctance to help nature along. If his stools are dry and hard then he needs some help, and a visit to the doctor wouldnt hurt, especially if this is a fairly recent thing. There are plenty of over the counter remedies that will help, and if his diet is lacking in fruit, vegetables and fibre then upping those will help too.

Either way, it isnt normal!

lulaloop · 10/06/2011 00:06

I am sure we have had this thread before!

thursday · 10/06/2011 00:06

do you actually time him??? that sort of pressure would give me stagefright.

BluddyMoFo · 10/06/2011 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunRaysthruClouds · 10/06/2011 00:07

Perhaps you shouldn't leave the Beano in there

Thingumy · 10/06/2011 00:08

or The Sun.

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 00:08

Does anyone else have an image of OP stood next to toilet whilst DH iss doing his business, complete with a stopwatch, whistle, and checkered flag?

frantic51 · 10/06/2011 00:09

YANBU if you only have one loo and he doesn't have the decency to let you know that he is going to have a shit and therefore likely to be putting that loo out of action for anyone else for a considerable amount of time. If you have more than one lavatory then, what's the problem?

FWIW it has been my own experience that men, on average, take longer over this particular call of nature than women do. Particularly women with children who have learned, in the infant years, that bowel movements are invariably accompanied by wails for attention, ominous bangs and crashes or a lo actually in there with us tugging and pulling at us to "come now"! Hmm

SunRaysthruClouds · 10/06/2011 00:10

Is he an accountant?

Rizzana · 10/06/2011 00:11

He needs to up his fibre, or needs to see the GP.

An hour? He loses up to an hour, what, once a day, every other day, at least?

maras2 · 10/06/2011 00:14

We've been married for nearly 40 years, and only found out recently that Mr. Maras 'goes ' 3 times a day.If he doesn't, he thinks that he's constipated.We eat the same stuff but how come I can only manage 3 times a week.I'll tell you why, I don't and never have had the fecking time to sit on the loo for longer than it takes to do a quick wee.Sorry,was that a bit ranty.Ididn't realise I felt so strongly.

shelscrape · 10/06/2011 00:15

Frantic 51 - how true, I go to the loo dead quickly and DH takes forever! Men do take longer to poo I think. DH disappears to the loo every evening for about 20 minutes with a book .... I think he does his poo quite quickly and then just sits and reads. 6 Year old DS has started doing this too and won't get off the loo until he has read all 3 thomas the tank engine stories out loud.

OP just accept that men like to hide in the loo, but over one hour! he must be constipated poor man ... give him some all bran for breakfast and make him eat fruit.

melezka · 10/06/2011 00:17

DH takes about 30 seconds.

juicyfruitqueen · 10/06/2011 00:31

Ooooh, I have a friend whose husband (German, not important, except that when you consider german toilet pans, then its reasonable ish), spends one or two hours in the bathroom.

Point of great hilarity with us, especially as we have other options, bathroom wise.

And he is quite proud of his time there. Even brings a sandwich and a beer wherever he feels the need.

Don't knwo why anyone would comment on it though Confused

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 00:32

My DH is a pooper ..and explosive with it...he's too poopy imo!...he also is a general...'I'm in the building therefore I must use the toilet' kind of person and yes it pisses me off, he says it's just the way he is and he accuses me of not going enough!...do you have to christen every* toilet???...FFS..he likes to play some dodgy game on the loo and if left up to himself i wonder just how long he would remain in that position...

Bogeyface · 10/06/2011 00:33

OMG, he takes food and drink with him when he poos juicyfruit?! that makes me feel quite ill!

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 00:34

ok..eating and drinking on the bog is officially nasty!!!

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 00:35

game on his phone..just to clarify conquest of something or other..

Original poster
foolserrand · 10/06/2011 00:35

We do only have one loo, he gets lots of fibre and I have history of uti's. The situation is made more rubbish (for me) because I spend all day keeping ds (2 yrs) away from the dogs. I need a break!

I feel like he refuses to push. Not to annoy me (and I don't time him, ick!) but maybe lack of muscle strength due to lack of use? I'm close to wretching thinking about all this.

OP posts:
frantic51 · 10/06/2011 00:36

jucyfruitqueen A sandwich and a beer, while shitting?!!!!!! yuk, yuk, YUK!!!!!!!!! Shock