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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I am, but is this really the norm? TMI warning

102 replies

foolserrand · 09/06/2011 23:59

Ok, sorry in advance.

Dh spends an average of 20 minutes (up to one hour 5 mins!) pooping each time he goes to the loo. He refuses to "push" and the one time he did, he gave himself a hemorrhoid (sp?)

He argues this is a normal length of time for men to spend in the john, but I question that. Neither my father or brother ever took that long!

So, aibu to ask him to hurry the fuck up?

OP posts:
LunaticIsOnTheGrass · 10/06/2011 09:02

My Dad always spent fucking HOURS on the toilet when I was a kid

He used to do crosswords in there.

We only had the one toilet & it was awful, he'd never give anyone warning that he was going in & he wouldn't come out until he was finished no matter what.

TrillianWhoIsNotATwat · 10/06/2011 09:02

A normal amount of time for men to spend on the loo?

Are male digestive systems made differently to female?

EricNorthmansMistress · 10/06/2011 09:46

Healthy poo should slide out with minimal pushing. But it should do so quite quickly. As your DH has asked you to post this I will address him -

Poo should be smooth and 'log' shaped. If it's too runny, too hard or pebbley then you need to address your diet and water consumption.

When you feel the urge to go you should push gently and it should all happen smoothly and quickly. If you have to strain then again you need to look at your diet. It's not normal to sit there for ages waiting for it to come out of its own accord.

Best of luck sorting this out.

begonyabampot · 10/06/2011 09:51

My husband can be like this - I just think most women, especially mums with young children don't have the luxury of long pooing sessions. I can see my 18 month old happily waiting for me as i sat contemplating my poo for an hour or so.

EricNorthmansMistress · 10/06/2011 09:54

It has nothing to do with not having the tims as mums! FFS most men have jobs and things, they can't all be rushing off to sit on the bog for an hour.

I have no desire or need to take more than a couple of minutes to poo. This is because I have a healthy, balanced diet most of the time and I do normal poos as described above. Once I'm done, why would I want to carry on sitting there? Confused

If it takes longer than a few minutes to poo there is a diet issue, or another issue like pushing anxiety or something.

begonyabampot · 10/06/2011 09:57

I don't think it's just a diet thing - i really think it is a man thing. For some reason many men seem to operate like this, I think that they accept among men that this is fine and - a brotherhood kind of thing, I think they enjoy that time spent sitting on the bog.

FizzyMakeFeelNice · 10/06/2011 10:07

this may help clarify if his poos are healthy.

begonyabampot · 10/06/2011 10:09

We need Gillian McKeith to came and have a poke around - she'd sort it all out!

passiveaggresive · 10/06/2011 11:11

i feel sick now

OTheHugeManatee · 10/06/2011 11:23

Another one whose bloke takes ages on the pan. I thought most men did this, Emma Freuds or no Emma Freuds?

I couldn't care less, unless he nabs my copy of Private Eye to read on the job before I've read it. I have this vague feeling that it'll come back somehow tinged with man poo energy Hmm

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/06/2011 11:38

MY DH can spend 20 mins easy having a poo.

Mind you, sometimes I am in there a fair while as well....it's the only fecking place I get some peace!

Original poster
foolserrand · 10/06/2011 17:50

Right, having hidden in shame from this all day, I am now able to show him your responses whichmostlysayhedoestaketoolong.
Fizzy, thanks for that link. Made me chuckle.

OP posts:
ScarlettIsWalking · 10/06/2011 17:55

I am very happy DH is just in and out of the toilet every day at the same time. No skidders no smell no mess.

I am very fussy about the way guys poo.

PamBeesly · 10/06/2011 17:58

Maybe being on the loo is his 'downtime' haha sorry OP....

LittleMissFlustered · 10/06/2011 18:05

My dad was a bar steward for hogging the loo. He'd be in there hours, and the damn loo would always be blocked when he was done. I have, in the past, had to go visit friends to use their loos and on one memorable incident had to take a bucket into the garage Blush

Oblomov · 10/06/2011 18:13

Is this a competition ?
For slowest and fastest pooh-er ?
I would like to put myself forward for fastest. I am so quick, people don't even notice I have left my desk.
Dh, has diverticulitus at aged 20, very unusually young, and had large and small intenstine removed, and is basically screwed. he takes ages and ages. and could give op's dh a good run Wink for his money. or alternatively, has diaherea. and farts alot.

reminds myself i am on other thread where op is threatening to leave her dh based on his poohing and farting.

wierd place, MN, sometimes.

shaz298 · 10/06/2011 18:15

I think tbh that if he needs to sit there for an hour waiting for it to come out, he wasn't ready to go awnyway and could've waited and hour before going.

Sound to me like he's using it as wind down time tbh.

As for taking books, papers and even laptops in there......yuk to it all! DO you know that bacteria just stick to paper..........

garlicbutter · 10/06/2011 18:20

Dear Mr. Foolserrand,

Men's bowels work the same as women's, I believe, so that's a rubbish excuse! Please read the informative post by EricNorthmansMistress above :)

If things feel a little stuck, as it were, try drinking a glass of water. It usually does the trick. (Yes, you drink it while on the loo.)

Eat apricots.

Best wishes to you, your poos, and foolserrand's impossible dog/child mission Grin

JanMorrow · 10/06/2011 18:25

My boyfriend (or baby daddy if you will.. might start using that) takes maybe 20mins.. but then I like a nice long poo too so I'd never have a go at him. I take maybe 15mins. It's not because I'm not pushing, I just like to take my time and make sure it's all OUT so to speak! Nothing wrong with 20mins.. over that is a tad excessive though!

I love to share.

PaigeTurner · 10/06/2011 18:40

A few of my male friends have said it feels extraordinarily pleasant when they are having a poo - possibly to do with prostate gland? - so I guess prolonging it as long as possible is in their benefit?

Gross.

EricNorthmansMistress · 10/06/2011 19:36

Ewwwww poowank

kaid100 · 10/06/2011 20:08

It does seem an unusually long time, maybe it would be worth him talking to a doctor to see if there is anything (either a technique or medication) that could help.

Alternatively, if he is taking his laptop with him, maybe allow him a lock on the bedroom door and an agreement that he can occasionally spend some time there without being disturbed.

4madboys · 10/06/2011 20:22

nice! my dp spends an age on the loo also, but he takes a book and reads, there is no issue with pooing, he just likes to sit and have time out. WHY you would want to do that sat on the loo i will never know, but i think its a male thing as my boys are all doing it now, there is a stack of books in the bathroom as they now ALL read when they go to the loo, we do have progress tho, in that ds1 will now sometimes SHUT the door when he having a poo! that has taken much nagging...

SignOnTheWindow · 10/06/2011 20:24

Is he cracking off a sneaky one perhaps?

NorthernGobshite · 10/06/2011 20:33

My dh takes ages too and always, always, waits until we're about to leave to go out for day etc.