To ask why more people don't have birthday parties at home for their children?

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Maybe it's a phenomenon where I live but all the parties my DS has been invited to (he's rising 4 yrs old) are at play barns/gyms. I find these so impersonal - what has happened to the traditional birthday party with pass the parcel, musical statues etc? Please tell me it's still out there.

I have always done the "at home" party except for this year I am hiring a hall and having 30 girls to a disco party as DD will be turning 7. Home parties are great if you have a small gathering of friends but my DD has friends from all walks of life so for the last 6 years i have had to have 3 separate parties to accomodate: family (I have a huge one) school friends (the whole class so boys and girls) and outside of school friends (just girls). It is stressful and DD gets overwelmed so i am having one BIG party and inviting just the girls this one year and next year she can have up to 4 friends and we will go to the cinema or amusement park etc.

DD is desperate to have a disco party with a DJ doing it all and i couldn't do that in my little house plus even in June the weather can turn (have had two bouncy castle parties where it rained aged 3&4) and most of her friends have had the hall parties now so i want her to have the experience of it.

I really don't think home parties are dying out, each to their own choice I say

Would love to if we had a bigger house

I have had all parties at home for ds1, 5 and ds2, 2. The first couple each were just friends round to play with some food thrown in, but ds1's last 2 have been proper birthday parties, last year's was a craft party, so we had a couple of games and made some christmassy bits. We have also hired a bouncy castle for ds1's 3rd birthday, then ds2's 2nd birthday. We limit the numbers as my house isn't that big, so 10 to 12 is all we have. We did have a few 'disasters' at parties, the worst being one guest killing ds1's fish at his 4th birthday party after someone let him upstairs alone.
This year ds2 is 3 at the end of the month and I have got a young baby so am treating a few children to a play at the local soft play, they do a meal deal so works out quite cheap if I can sort it properly. Ds1 has requested a party out this year too, we will see what happens.

It's the cost for me that does it, we have a halloween party for our dc's at home every year. They're always busy but as my other half insists on doing the buffet (by buffet i mean full on feed a bloody army) it costs a bomb!!!! He provides an indian selection, a chinese selection, an italian selection, garlic bread, hot dogs and burgers and of course the traditional stuff of sandwiches, sausage rolls, pork pies, jelly blah blah blah now don't get me wrong they are fantastic and everything gets eaten but my goodness it doesn't half empty the wallet but the thought of adding a couple of extra dates a year for the dc's birthday makes me squeal I find that having thier birthdays elsewhere is cheaper and a lot easier and the halloween party provides a joint celebration and ensures neither dc misses out on the home experience.

We live in a flat, and have the 'every girl in the class must be invited' culture. DD is 6 and hasn't made any besties yet (good thing too) so it's good not yo narrow your options at this early age.

We usually go in with others in the class and do a joined up party of 4 girls every month. On her actual birthday, she'll have a few girls over.

My bug bear is having younger / or even worse, older siblings tagging along - 'you don't mind if X's little brother comes, I have a pedicure booked?' eh? Yeah, erm, I do mind actually - free childcare anyone?

Dorje Do you say no to that? How do the parents take it?

I have always done parties outside the home as my house doesn't have a huge amount of space and we have too much clutter and I wanted to invite more than 5 or 6 children. We've always invited children from toddler group/nursery/school plus neighbours so too many to have it at home.
We've done parties where we've hired a hall and bouncy castle and done food ourselves and games and we've also had them at soft play, which is an easier option.

House too small
Too much time required to organise
Uneccessary stress

Around here it was always a mix: some people did the big barn thing and some did the small family party- there was no judginess and I think the kids actually liked it that parties weren't all the same.

the mess.
things getting broken.
some people seem to think theyre meant to stay at your house for hours and hours.

I would love to have a home party for DS1 have had some lovely ones for DD but I know most of his friends parents would stay so the kids would be too disruptive.
He had a bowling one once where the parents all stayed and let them run riot then told me off for asking them to sit down or not to put their fingers in the bowling ball return.
After bowling we went to Frankie and Bennies and they all tried to stand behind their DC while we ate even though I bought them all drinks to have in the bar area.
Thankfully the waitress sent them packing but a couple of Mums came back every two mins to check up on us. These are parents that know me, I was a TA for these children in nursery, and yet they don't trust me with them for two hours.

so far we have had parties at home for dd1

for us only works if numbers are low and it doesn't rain!

i was soooooooooooo relieved this year when it was all over

This year I did ds1's 6th birthday at home after school.
We don't have a big house but luckily April was sunny this year so I hired a bouncy castle (1/2 price for afternoon only a weekday), bought a cake and some nibbles and ordered pizza.
The mums stayed too and I had drinks and nibbles for them too.
It was the most stress free and relatively inexpensive party I've done and everyone had a great time

Because I can't be arsed.
Have plenty of room, DDs would LOVE a house party.
But I have a busy life, between work, kids hobbies, etc, so off to soft play/bowling, etc, we go. I even buy the birthday cake.

tiny flat
no garden
the mess
BUT - we didn't go to a noisy softplay thing, but rented a room in a community centre. so it was very personal.

40 - 5year olds s plus siblings plus parents- weather variable in May - therefore church hall - disco and games lots of food in a separate hall - lots of work but much more manageable - no wrecked house!

Well...I might as well say it, and just sit back and wait to be flamed. DP* has refused to have a party for DD at home, based on the following observations at other parties:

Other people's children are generally vile. Parents of said children are viler. No manners.

There's always one who turns up with siblings and leaves the lot for the afternoon.
No one can find your house and you spend the first half an hour on your phone trying to direct people to your home.
Parents just roll back when they fancy, not at the end of the party.
There's always one who asks if the crisps were ethically farmed, and is the water organic. And are the hotdogs vegetarian.
There's always one who forgets to leave the epipen for when their child has a cornetto with nuts on.
Kids these days aren't much impressed by pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. OK some might, but not the kids I've seen at parties in the last 9 years.
The work to fun ratio is 100 hours of preparation, 2 hours of fun. When I say fun, I mean crying.
They destroy your house and steal stuff.

The clincher: having to make boring, mundane and false smalltalk with people you have nothing in common with, bar having a child in the same class at school.
Frankly, we'd rather not.

We usually have them at home but have had a couple in soft play etc, but my kids have 8 cousins of which 7 are aged to be invited (one being to old and it being un cool) so its expensive with 7 cousins 3 kids of my own plus school friends = me being bankrupt!

Gay40 Wow! A few points:

Only invite nice kids.
If parents are vile then tell them that they don't need to stay.
Put on the invite no siblings.
Put little map in with invite.
Also put "to be picked up at . . ." in big writing"
Provide veggie alternative but laugh in the face of anyone who asks for organic water (!)
As for the epipen! Has that ever actually happened? Not likely to happen twice.
Make the entertainment age appropriate.
Don't invite kids who steal stuff!

Tiny house like other have said.

That said I've had parties at home up till now. Last year was a nightmare, we had about 10 three year olds here. One fell down the step into the back yard and bashed his head, one set of parents turned up 2 hours late , just as everyone else was going home and they stayed for 2 hours when I needed to clean up and calm my overexcited 3 yo.

So this year we're going to soft play.

I agree with you and your DP, Gay40. If you want to truly get to know children and their parents, invite them to a party.

I have to say, I have never been to a school party where parents stayed. Must be lucky.

as a pp said...the mess, the stress and just the fact that I don't really like other people's kids very much and can't imagine anything worse than having a load of them charging round my tiny terraced house. I don't do the party bag thing either. At DS1's last party they all went home with a Mr Man book a helium balloon and a piece of cake

And kids these days are too used to rampaging around soft play centres at parties - this is what a party means for them. So when they come to your house they expect to do the same .

From real life observations, TotallyLovely.

Only invite nice kids - usually my definition of nice is not the same as DD's. So I can't really say, you're not inviting X, they aren't nice.

Put on the invite no siblings - leading to "well I can't bring just one"

Vile parents - you can't say Piss Off.

Map - doesn't work for lots of people.

To Be Picked up at: doesn't seem to work either

Veggie alternative - this bothers me less than all the others. I could do this easily, having friends who are vegetaraian, vegan, lactose intolerant etc. As long as I know.

Epipen - happened in a Pizza Hut party I went to. Mother of child said "oh I'm always doing it".

Entertainent - DD has friends of different ages and interests - difficult to find something that will suit a 5 year old and an 11 year old. Or not invite them. Then it becomes my party, my guest list etc. What utter bollocks !!