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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just found my husband with someone else.

748 replies

morewinevicar · 06/06/2011 23:08

I walked straight out, but have nowhere to go. No stuff. My little boy is asleep in the house. I was away on a course but couldn't stand to stay at the rubbish travel lodge for the night so drove for hours and just got home. Andmy husband was on the sofa with a woman. Very blonde but didn't see much else and they were drinking and looked like they'd just jumped apart when they heard the door. I'm shaking. I don't know where to go. My son is in the house. How could he?????

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 07/06/2011 17:07

This is simply awful. He sounds shamless not even calling to ask if you are ok...having an affair is one thing...but to then show no feeling for your partner...it's despicable!

Is he normally a mind game player? Perhaps he's trying to make you ring him...so he has all the power?

I second changing the locks and being dignified....send his stuff to his Mothers house. Well done for being so strong...i dont think I ould cope with school runs in your shoes. You sound like a woman and a half.

MollyMurphy · 07/06/2011 17:13

I can't believe he hasn't had the balls to even call you. Definately get the money sorted - it doesn't mean your rushing into decisions your just protecting yourself. I hate to even ask - but is he the sort that would pick up your son at daycare to have him stay with him? That is also just something to consider depending on the type of guy he is.

My first thought is to suggest you do everything you need to do to protect yourself and your son's interests then take all the time in the world to think about how you feel, talk to him and decide what you want to do.

koekje · 07/06/2011 17:14

Morewine, you are amazing! Hang in there, and give DS lots of cuddles, it'll make you feel better.

I am sitting here in tears just thinking of what you must be going through but you have been incredibly strong and brave throughout.

He doesn't deserve you.

meltedchocolate · 07/06/2011 17:20

Just wanted to come and show my support. Amazed how you have handled things so far xx

koekje · 07/06/2011 17:20

Forgot to say, yes, you definitely must take your share from the joint bank account. Now.

katvond · 07/06/2011 17:24

Oh Vicar just read thus thread, hope your ok? Really worried about you.
Your DH is an ass. You need to go home and be with your DC and throw that bastard out. He's made his bed he can lie in it was that Trollope.
Really feel for you vicar. If you need anything even if it's a ear I'm here.
Take care xxx
Lots of hugs your way to you and your DC

katvond · 07/06/2011 17:25

And get a locksmith in vicar

backwardpossom · 07/06/2011 17:26

DO NOT CHANGE THE LOCKS IT IS ILLEGAL

As has been mentioned a few times in this thread...

Hope you're ok, vicar

perfumedlife · 07/06/2011 17:27

koekje is right, he doesn't deserve you. You sound an amazing woman.

empirestateofmind · 07/06/2011 17:29

More support here morewine, wishing you strength.

GandTiceandaslice · 07/06/2011 17:36

Good god. He is a prize bullock.
Vicar take great care of yourself. It is extremely raw right now but it will get better.
I can't believe he's not been in touch, even if to see about your son. Angry
You are not allowed to change the locks. But you could accidentally lose your keys.Obviously then you'd need to change the locks. Not too soon though or it'd be obvious.

maxybrown · 07/06/2011 17:37

Well he could still be at MIl but he's going to have to come home evntually!! I really can't believe there has been no contact, you seem so very strong, he is obviously waiting on you calling him - it must be killing him!

bubbles12 · 07/06/2011 17:42

Support from me. You have been incredibly strong and I hope that you and your DS find a way through this. Hope you get a reasonable night sleep. x

magicmelons · 07/06/2011 17:46

Can't say anything that hasn't already been said. Stay strong, you are very brave.

280169 · 07/06/2011 17:47

how utterly awful for you op,lots of advice here I hope it helps to know how much people care, what an utter coward your husband has been.
I hope he hangs his head in shame.

you sound like you are holding it together really well.Keep posting and keep strong.

Lizzylou · 07/06/2011 17:47

God, you poor thing.
I am so sorry for your shock and for the fact that he has now just gone awol without having the decency to get in touch.

It speaks volumes that your first thoughts were of your DS and he has scarpered without trace. You are being so strong, take care.

RichTeaAreCrap · 07/06/2011 17:50

Only just read this thread. How bloody awful for you. You are being brilliant though and handling this really well. You are strong and brave enough to get through this, it shows through in your posts.

I can't believe he hasn't even been in contact - what a coward. Just shows you what type of a person he really is.

You and your DS will be fine without him. He doesn't deserve you.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 07/06/2011 17:52

I am sure I commented on this thread earlier, but it seems to have vanished...

Anyway, I take it you have not heard from husband? Did you call your MIL?

Hope you are ok (as ok as you can be in this situation) and thinking of you.

homealoneandbored · 07/06/2011 17:54

Sending you love x

Purplebuns · 07/06/2011 17:58

You are really brave and your actions are very admirable, I wish you all the best x

emmanana · 07/06/2011 17:59

Keep strong, Morewine. Sorry to hear what has happened. Look to the future - what a lucky son you have, to have a Mum who is strong and respects herself. x

Bohica · 07/06/2011 18:04

Nothing extra or new to add but I just wanted you to know I am another supporter.

HorseWhisperer · 07/06/2011 18:11

Morewine you are amazing (even though you may not feel like it at the moment). I join the masses here who are awed by your dignity and calm.

Your husband is a coward.

Truffleshuffler · 07/06/2011 18:15

So sorry for you. Hope it all works out.

helenthemadex · 07/06/2011 18:18

Morewine so sorry to read your nightmare, you probably feel like your head is in a washing machine, it feels a bit like grief very hard to function and think rationally, so I would say do not try to make any major decisions at the moment, do what you need to do for yourself and your son, your ds will give you something to focus on to get you through this shitty time

I do agree about the finances, move half of any savings somewhere safe, and make sure your h can not empty your current account, with many banks it is possible to open an account online if it is with yours open one and put the money in there. If things work out then you can put it back in the joint account but if h withdraws it then you wont get it back.

I would also contact work and say you will not be in for the rest of the week if necessary get a doctors note, it will be hard for you to concentrate on work, take the time you need

there is absolutely no need to make any decisons now, wishing you loads of luck

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