Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found my husband with someone else.

748 replies

morewinevicar · 06/06/2011 23:08

I walked straight out, but have nowhere to go. No stuff. My little boy is asleep in the house. I was away on a course but couldn't stand to stay at the rubbish travel lodge for the night so drove for hours and just got home. Andmy husband was on the sofa with a woman. Very blonde but didn't see much else and they were drinking and looked like they'd just jumped apart when they heard the door. I'm shaking. I don't know where to go. My son is in the house. How could he?????

OP posts:
MissVerinder · 07/06/2011 13:56

OP, so sorry. It's absolutely awful. He probably is at his mum's, hiding behind her because he doesn't want to face up to it.

I hope you manage to get through the next couple of days, having some quality time with your DS.

Your friend sounds brilliant, I'm sure she'll support you until your sister gets back- you have been so dignified throughout this.

Just to add to other posters, get the money sorted out pronto if you can face it. They have private rooms in banks for times like this. Or do it over the internet and transfer it if you can.

Thinking of you.

youmaynotlikethis · 07/06/2011 13:59

shocking,feel for you op,hope u get thru this xx

BlueCat2010 · 07/06/2011 14:05

What a twunt!

I agree with the others - get the cash sorted, and then take your time with everything else.

Happyhippychick · 07/06/2011 14:06

Just want to let you know you're in my thoughts Morewine. This must be heartbreaking for you. I'm in Carshalton and work in Ewell so if you track him down and want me to give him a hard kick in the shin let me know....

Shakti · 07/06/2011 14:07

Do not rush to make any decisions; even when to talk to him.

Just set in place practical stuff so you can care for yourself and your son for the next few days. It is way way too early to think about divorce, trying to repair your marriage etc.

Tell who you want to - that is tell the people who will help you care FOR YOURSELF over next few days.

ScarlettIsWalking · 07/06/2011 14:29

Good lord how dreadful.

How was he in the marriage generally?

theladylovescupcakes · 07/06/2011 14:43

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Just wanted to add my voice to the number before who are thinking of you and offering support.

redflagsahoy · 07/06/2011 14:49

Hi Morewinevicar, just another message of support, hope you manage to eat something and sleep, have a shower etc, I think they are the only practicalities you need to trouble yourself with right now. Thinking of you, and you lucky DS having a strong mother like you

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 14:53

Hi all...

I've been trying to get a few things sorted. My friend called MIL and DH didn't answer so she just told her I wouldnt be bringing DS round later, and she didn't seem surprised apparently or even ask why.

I looked at the Internet banking and he's definitely spent some money!! About £260 but I can't see individual transactions till 6pm or something.

I'm searching for the savings account password but can't find it at the moment :s

He still hasn't called, and I think I'm going to have to leave the house to get my son from school as my friend isn't on the list.

I'm overwhelmed by your support xx

OP posts:
Harriet81 · 07/06/2011 14:58

I just saw this and am so sorry. I hope you get the time and the support to really think about what you want to do. I hope you get the opportunity when you are ready to get the answers you deserve.

Make sure the choices you make are your own and you are not pressured into any decisions.

Best wishes to you and your son

SuePurblybilt · 07/06/2011 14:59

Leave your friend in the house, she sounds like she'd be well able for him if he turns up Grin.
I told the school that only I would be picking DD up until further notice when I went through similar crap. I don't know if that's worth considering, it was in my situation but you'd know best if it's something you may need to think about.

Well done on staying sane and sorting out the money.

fuzzpigFriday · 07/06/2011 15:00

Hope you're ok x

stoppingat3 · 07/06/2011 15:00

So sorry to read your thread. What a twunt.

Although not in Kingston I work for a law firm there. We don't deal with family but I could ask a colleague for a recommendation if/when you feel ready. Please just let me know. Just for some protect your position advice etc.

In meantime I recomend that you take small steps. You will quite literally be in shock and your body will react independantly of your mind!

Take care of yourself and your little man

Shellshocked1 · 07/06/2011 15:02

Have been watching this thread all day. Thinking of you morewine, you're being amazingly strong. Is your DH the kind who avoids confrontation, it definitely sounds like that's what he's doing. But he really needs to face the music and talk to you. Just feel awful for you. Good luck xx

GeekLove · 07/06/2011 15:05

Have you tried ringing the nursery? If you explain the situation then they could let your friend do the pick up providing you can vouch for her. Might be worth a try.

springbokscantjump · 07/06/2011 15:06

Morewine, don't quite know what to say. I can't imagine how sick and angry you must be feeling :( You sound very strong

Look after yourself.

(if you want someone to go kick your husband's ass, I'm sure we could rustle up a MN posse)

GypsyMoth · 07/06/2011 15:06

does he have back door key? i used to leave a key on inside of front door so he couldnt get in,then go through back door as we only had one key!!

might be illegal to change locks....not illegal to add extra bolts for the inside though

Northernlurker · 07/06/2011 15:07

Sounds like maybe he went to a hotel then?

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 15:10

I thought that, but he didn't take his car and there's not really a walkable hotel.

He must have gone with her.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 07/06/2011 15:12

That or MIL's keeping her family's cards close to her chest.

(((hugs)))

CheerfulYank · 07/06/2011 15:13

Good luck today. Just keep going on to the next thing, you're doing brilliantly. Good vibes coming to you from 'cross the pond.

Blatherskite · 07/06/2011 15:13

If MIL was unsurprised, then I'd guess he's been there.

I'd bet he's been down the pub drowning his sorrows...

AlistairSim · 07/06/2011 15:18

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this, OP.

Sorry I don't have any advice, but hope you will look after yourself.

stoppingat3 · 07/06/2011 15:20

Do you get on with MIL? Could you call her yourself and see if he is there.

Is he the sort of man to go to his Mum? Mine isn't - he would go to a friend - do you have one locally that he might have gone to.

He is sure to be in contact soon enough - he'll need clothes etc. just use this as breathing space to see how you want to proceed.

good luck x

Flippingebay · 07/06/2011 15:22

Oh my, I've just read this and how bloody awful for you. You must still be reeling from it.

As others have said on here do what suits you! But I agree that you need to sort the finances out (don't worry about what's fair at this point, that can come later if you want it to) and I'd change the locks. What you need now is some sort of control over things and having him unable to access the house unless you let him might make you feel a little better. Especially as you don't know where or what he's doing at the moment.

I also just want to say how well you've handled the situation, it would have been so easy to wail and freak out, but you've remained dignified and whatever happens from here on in, you can look back and feel proud that you handled it like an adult. (that's not meant to sound sancimonious sp?)

Swipe left for the next trending thread