to think that if a man said"I can't drive on motorways" or"I never answer the door if I'm home alone" or "I don' t know where the trip switch is" or "I can't update the operating system on my computer

[seeker]

... or any other basic life skill people would point and laugh?

So why doesn't the same apply to women? Why are women still expected and encouraged to being pathetic, and applauded when they are?

And why are women who aren't often regarded with suspicion?

And the crucial sentence in your post, SoupDragon is that you don't like driving on the motorway - but you do it anyway!

This just reminds me of Mil, she has to get Fil to do EVERYTHING for her despite being fit and well and in her 70's. She won't even phone a utilities company ffs. She won't drive anymore and likes to just sit on her arse all day. Her usual refrain when she walks into our house is "Alouiseg you're always so busy". I'm not actually but she is just bone idle....and I told dh this yesterday. That went down well :o

I don't see how calling people 'pathetic' is contributing anything much. It must be nice to be unfailingly confident and good at everything .

Personally, I don't drive at all (phobic about it after a serious car accident 10 years ago and have not been able to overcome this so far, despite several serious attempts).

I am useless with DIY, probably because I am mildly dyspraxic and have very poor spatial awareness. I can just about change a lightbulb.

I wouldn't answer the door at night if I was on my own without peeping through the curtains first to see who it is. I grew up on a very rough council estate in London and this is just common sense to me.

I am also totally crap on the domestic front, so perhaps I am doubly pathetic?

I didn;t say anyone was pathetic - I said that some behaviours are pathetic. Big difference.

I know 2 women who won't drive on motorways, but I don't know any men who won't (or admit to it).

Maybe it's just that women are more honest about our limitations than men are? Even in this world of so called equal ops, there are still some women who feel inferior and still some men who feel they have have to pretend to be the strong one.

Why single out women, though?

I know plenty of men who don't drive or are shit at DIY (My own DH is shitter than shit at DIY, actually. I don't think his 'behaviour' pathetic, I just think he is a computer geek who cant put up shelves. Just like I don't feel that i am pathetic for not driving, I just have issues with driving.

Stereotyping and generalising - not helpful.

There are plenty of men who can't/don't do those things. I know quite a few men who can't drive (at all, never mind on motorways!) and have no clue about how computers work beyond. Neither my DP (male) or I answer the door to anyone we don't know and aren't expecting.

Sorry but I get annoyed by all these threads about how women are silly and pathetic, when it seems to me more like selectively cherry-picking examples of women who can't do certain things. Most women are perfectly capable and sensible, and there are people of both genders who are a bit lacking in basic life skills.

And really hate the implication that not knowing how to or preferring not to drive makes someone weak and silly (you see this a lot on here). I don't drive, don't need to, don't want to. I'd rather stay fit by walking and save the huge amount of money other people spend on buying and maintaining their cars, and not cause unnecessary pollution.

I think that if somebody 'can't' drive on a motorway, there are reasons for why they feel that way and it's better that they don't until they feel that they can. Happily some people get through life quite well without adding to the motorway mayhem. I might think it a bit odd that somebody would go through the 'hell' of a driving test(s) (I'm a sixer, myself), only to deprive themselves of the fun bit, but I certainly wouldn't voice that.

There is something in some of the other activities in that women have been perceived to be softer and perhaps it's that perception that makes them feel at risk and perhaps, in some rare instances, actually puts them at a risk that wouldn't be applicable to a man. Again though, if somebody chooses not to open a door, male or female, who the hell are you seeker or anybody else to judge them?

AIBU is feminist-heavy at the moment and I personally find it tedious. It's one dimensional and there's no basis for discussion of anything, just being railed at if one gets the answers wrong. Now that's pathetic.

YANBU OP. I agree with BIWI too.

I don't know how to change a tyre though. In my defence I have very good AA-type cover and I think that, in many circumstances (particularly on the motorway) it's a task best performed by a pro with a brightly coloured, flashy-lighty van. That applies whether you're male or female - it's a job that needs to be done quickly for safety's sake.

Not so long ago people used to say with pride that they couldn't programme the VCR - such a strange thing to be proud of

I have never seen a woman encouraged or applauded for having things they can't do.

They are more likely to be allowed to get away with saying "I can't do this", but they are not encouraged.

It's not dissimilar to how some men are allowed to claim that they can't work the dishwasher.

Incidentally I would say the list of things that are allowable for a man to say he "can't do" are much more everyday and vital than those for women. Driving on motorways - easy to live your life never having to do that. Wash your own clothes - slightly more important.

"AIBU is feminist-heavy at the moment and I personally find it tedious. It's one dimensional and there's no basis for discussion of anything, just being railed at if one gets the answers wrong. Now that's pathetic."

Eh? How on earth can a woman find discussion of feminist issues "tedious'?!

Hmmmm. Allowed to get away with is probably a beeter description than applauded or encouraged.

I dont see how the ability to drive or change a plug is a feminist issue.

i don't know any women who are applauded for not being able to do those things, any more than i know any men who are applauded for being unable to work the washing machine.

where are all these non driving on motorways and being lauded for it women living? is it still the 1950s?

I find it tedious, seeker because it's most definitely not a discussion of feminist issues. If you read your title and OP, it's an ill-disguised vent at what you perceive to be the 'patheticness' of women who can't/won't do the things on your list and why women are expected and encourage to be 'pathetic'.

You can chat where you like, this is a public forum, but I don't think you'll get many on AIBU asking you what they should think.

I've not read the whole thread but the number of women I know who say 'I don't drive on motorways' and ' aren't you brave driving abroad, I could never do that' makes me want to scream.

I have never heard a man say either.

So pleased I've got you here to tell me what I think!

I wouldn't waste my time, seeker. I really don't care what anybody thinks, but if you post tripe, you'll get called on it, same as anybody else would.

I do find it really anoyying that everyone man or woman doesn't wantto be able to do lots of useful things

to say, oh I cant do that, oh I dont know what to do AARGGGHHHH

learn to do everyhthing you can and THEN let dp do it

"Eh? How on earth can a woman find discussion of feminist issues "tedious'?!"

With the kinds of "discussion" that go on on Mumsnet, very easily.

Personally, I think the "crucial sentence in my post" was the one asking why people had to be so judgemental all the time or the one asking what's wrong with not being able to do stuff. If I can't do something - so what? I usually know a man who can (because my plumber/electrician/mechanic/whatever list tends to be male, not because they are more capable as a sex)

Trinity... Now that's a plan!

We split chores at home. I do all the cooking, cleaning and washing - husband looks after the cars, maintenance and stuff like that. We handle our own money, I make his sandwiches for work (they wouldn't get done otherwise) and he makes all the cups of tea (I can only do 'dishwater').

We both drive on motorways, me more so and farther afield.

I don't drive on motorways. In fact I find driving very stressful. My spatial awareness is very bad, I find driving in narrow city streets confrontational and would always prefer to use travelling time for working, rather than concentrating on the road.

I also earn ALL the money for the household. So there is no way on earth anyone could call me anything but feminist. And what I am doing while working on a train or in a taxi is far more useful to my family and generally - than if I forced myself to drive. Then I would have to spend more time working at another time, rather than say playing with my kids. What a waste.

Luckily I am not worried about anyone thinking I am pathetic. :) In fact I am tickled by people's rigid, old-fashioned, prescriptive ideas about what 'feminism' must mean. Ludicrous.

So true Trinity, learn to do everything, let dp do it, and then check up on him to make sure he has done it right

Why would anyone point and laug? I cant update the computer but neither can dh.
There are things i can do, and things i cant do and things i dont want to do. Same as dh.