to think that if a man said"I can't drive on motorways" or"I never answer the door if I'm home alone" or "I don' t know where the trip switch is" or "I can't update the operating system on my computer

[seeker]

... or any other basic life skill people would point and laugh?

So why doesn't the same apply to women? Why are women still expected and encouraged to being pathetic, and applauded when they are?

And why are women who aren't often regarded with suspicion?

Plenty of men dont know where the washing machine is, let alone how it operates. Cant cook. Dont clean. Can barely look after their own children for an hour or two.

We live in a sexist society. Why penalise women for this?

I went out with a man (many moons ago) who got a puncture..his first job to deal with it was to get out the manual as he didn,t know how to get the hub-caps off! Needless to say by the time he found the page they were in my arms. I did ask what he would have done if he had been away from home...apparently that's what the AA are for

I can't drive on motorways" or"I never answer the door if I'm home alone" or "I don' t know where the trip switch is" or "I can't update the operating system on my computer

Female or not WTF!!

ballstoit,
my dad was about as stereotypical a husband as my mum was a wife. He was practical to the point of being emotionally cold and would certainly have coped with the day to day reality of living with no problem. He was as capable of housework as my mum and, although he didn't cook, he could. He did love very deeply though, he just didn't show it. So he may have fallen apart emotionally, I don't know.

When my parents divorced my mum got the Teasmaid down from the loft. Other than that her life continued as normal.

I never answer the door at night if I'm alone (which is always). Does that make me pathetic?

I can't drive but that's not because I'm a pathetic little girly-wirlie. It's because I have appalling speed recognition - just can't judge how quickly a vehicle will be where I'd like the car to be. it's a form of dyspraxia and taken me years to not feel ashamed about it but to think, so what? It's patronising and blinkered to think lack of certain skills means a woman is choosing to accept stereotype.

My husband huffed and puffed trying to thread a needle when we first met. He has massive hands and it just wasn't as easy for him. I sew, he drives, because we pool our skills sensibly. But I won't let him near an IKEA flatpack, even if it's three times my size and weight. He's so butch he doesn't need to read the instructions, and ends up putting doors on upside down and back to front and then having a very manly hissy fit about it. So I sneak off with my spanner and assemble furniture while he does the dishes. I hope that satisfies OP.

I must be some sort of fraek. I know a few people (male and female) who do not drive.

But I have never met anyone who does drive but won't drive on a motorway. Is it a common thing?

My MIL drives but not on motorways. So since FIL died she can't come and see us. She'll drive on dual carriage ways though.

I know people who don't like to drive on a motorway but only won't if it is a medical condition that makes them uneasy to do so, which i think is sensible.

There are things that i know i cannot do, that are considered 'male' pastimes, but it tends to be because of a lack of strength in my hands. I am the one who figures out the instructions but my DP does the manual bit, i don't think that makes me pathetic, we are not all built the same, both male or female.

I know loads of women who won;t drive on motorways - or make a huge deal out of it if they do.

I'm talking about women doing the "little girl" thing. Somehow men make being incompetent into a macho virtue - and women collude with this "Oh, I wouldn't let him near the washing machine" - and women's incompetence often feeds maxculine egos too "I'm just too silly and muddle headed to understand all the complicated electronics involved in wiring a plug......."

Obviously I exaggerate. But only a bit.

What's wrong with adult human being being aboe to do stuff?

Don't get the not driving on motorways thing..... it is far easier and safer than single carriageway roads with short gaps for overtaking, many side junctions and hazards etc.

I went to Bridlington with DD for the weekend without DH recently and got lots of "ooooh, you are brave" from mums at the schoolgates. Didn't even involve going on a motorway. And as for the time I took DD abroad on my own, well I think people are still talking.

My mum's a bit like this but I think she plays on it. She's an intelligent person, has a degree, used to teach, used to be in Mensa. Then I think when she was married she just let my dad do loads of stuff - par for the course in the 60s and 70s? Anyway now he's left her and she reckons she can't even use an ATM. I've taken her to an ATM and shown her step-by-step how easy it is - just follow the fucking instructions. No, its beyond her, she can only get money via cash back at Tesco. She can't put air in her car tyres or check the pressure even though I've shown her how to numerous times.

Then she reckoned she was going to move to the depths of the Lake District 3 hours away from anyone she knew and couldn't understand why I said it was a bad idea.

She was amazed when I was trying to explain about ticket machines for the tube in London. Reckoned she'd never be able to do it. Its easy I said, just like an ATM.........duh.

I never answer the door. I never want to speak to anyone who would knock on the door. I never answer the phone, because it isn't for me.
I drive on motorways all the time.
Trip switch - yep
Operating system - yep

But there's no man here to ask, and if there was a man here, I still wouldn't ask. I was brought up to fend for myself.

Well, I don't do some of those things mentioned in the original post, and I do think it's a bit pathetic, and I can asssure you that I don't get applauded.

Actually, I get laughed at for being scared of motorway driving (although I have done it) and for not knowing how to do various things that are needed to my own laptop.

I feel shit about it, and feel shit about a lot of other things about myself as well.

What I would rather know is why my husband doesn't feel remotely shit that he's never made his child's packed lunch or changed and washed his own bed linen, or his child's bed linen. Or remembered a member of his own family's birthdays.

That's what I would like to know.

Agree with Seeker. I'm sure my mum could do these things if she put her mind to it. But she likes fooling herself that she can't and ringing up various people giggling down the phone that she can't do it. But then when there isn't anyone free to come running and sort it asap she gets hysterical.

I absolutely agree with seeker. It's not so much the sexism, it's more the infantilisation. Women who do the whole 'oh I can't possibly cope with that'

Grow up, get on with it and do it.

I accept that some people have fears about things, even phobias, but for the most part, it's about striking an attitude - some kind of sense that other people (and usually men, which is where the sexism bit comes in), are better than you and should ride to your rescue. In MN parlance, a sense of entitlement.

Drives me mad.

Look after yourself and live up to yourself.

I'm afraid of driving full stop, never mind a motorway. I'm also terrified of heights.

I've lived on my own for 11 years, brought up two kids, done all my own decorating, fitted architrave and skirting, fitted carpets and floors, put together whole rooms of flatpack blardy furniture (once at 7 months pg), turfed a lawn, put up sheds, wallpapered, fitted bath panels, built beds...am I pathetic?

(I do wobble a bit on ladders changing lightbulbs, see fear of heights above)

Well dh knows naff all about PCs but I manage to refrain from laughing at him, because it really isn't a vital life skill.

I on the other hand will drive anywhere, do know about my PC, can drive anywhere, knows where the trip is, and will open the door if home alone.

But I fail to see how not doing so would make anyone pathetic, tbh.

I don't see how that all makes me better than anyone, just makes me different. Certainly doesn't make my MIL (who won't drive on big roads) pathetic.

The question should be, why do we measure ones worth by their capabilities?

This is hilarious. Driving on motorways is not a basic life skill.

"Plenty of men dont know where the washing machine is, let alone how it operates. Cant cook. Dont clean. Can barely look after their own children for an hour or two.

We live in a sexist society. Why penalise women for this?"

I agree with this. Plenty of both men and women in long term relationships can fall into traditional gender roles, as each take on sole responsibility for certain tasks they see as being more masculine or feminine. I remember a sad episode of Still Game a couple of years ago where the two main characters (both elderly bachelors) go and visit a friend of theirs whose wife has just died. They find him living in total squalor. One of them makes him a cup of tea and asks him how he takes it - he didn't know, as his wife used to always make the teas and know just how he liked his.

I don't know anyone who makes a big deal about being able to do those sorts of things. I did have a driving phobia (now overcome) and no one gave me any brownie points for it. I just used a lot of public transport (very green me, I have enough carbon credit to now feel OK about driving a pick up truck). A bit of a nuisance and nothing to do with being female (oh and how would pointing and laughing helped - it would have been rather cruel really).

My father was always the slightly feeble one in our household, my mother just said he wasn't good with his hands, and taught us how to do it instead. I've also never had anyone question me when I say I do the DIY or anything traditionally 'manly'.

I still think the OP is talking nonsense. I have never been, nor come across anyone who has been, encouraged to be pathetic.

"What's wrong with adult human being being aboe to do stuff?"

And what is wrong with being an adult who can't do stuff? Am I pathetic for calling out the AA to change a flat tyre on my car or am I being realistic about the fact that, as an average female without one of those power gun things, I am physically unable to undo the wheel nuts?

Not everyone wants to drive. It's not pathetic.
I don't like driving on motorways as I feel tense the whole time. I still do it mind you and don't potter along in the "slow" lane at 50 but I also don't judge anyone who says they can't/don't want to do it.

As I said, I don't open the door at night. As a female I am more vulnerable than a male so it is unlikely a man would ever feel the need to be worried about opening a door when alone. It isn't pathetic. If a man had a valid reason for being wary, that wouldn't be pathetic either.

Why do people have to be so judgemental all the time?

"
"What's wrong with adult human being being aboe to do stuff?"

And what is wrong with being an adult who can't do stuff? Am I pathetic for calling out the AA to change a flat tyre on my car or am I being realistic about the fact that, as an average female without one of those power gun things, I am physically unable to undo the wheel nuts?"

No, of course you're not. But you would be pathetic if you didn't know how to change a tyre in the first place! Or didn't know how to call the AA. Or drove a car and didn;t knwo how to check the tyres or fill up the washer bottle.