to think that asking a visitor to take of their shoes in my house, is an OK thing to do

[fluffybutt]

I don't have many rules at home, just shoes on if outside and off if you are inside. Just had a friend and her DCs over, and asked them if they would mind taking their shoes off - well apparently thats really rude and made my visitors feel uncomfortable. FFS, it's not like I asked them to walk through an antiseptic food bath or anything.

Why do you think it is "rude" ginger? Just curious.
Incidentally, I do not normally ask family and friends to remove shoes, as you said they see us barefoot/in slippers and do it themselves, but people who come it to work do not always automatically do it.

I had to ask an adult once and insisted when they showed reluctance. His shoes stunk so much, I wish he put them on and left immediately, but we all had to endure the vial smell for the rest of the evening. Dh of one of the friends. I have not seen him back since. Thank god!

vile

I don't think it's rude. I ask family and friends to remove their shoes (after the first time, I didn't have to ask again, they just do it).
I wouldn't ask a stranger to remove their shoes unless it was really wet outside and there was a good chance they would bring muck in.
I didn't spend a fortune on a cream living room/hall carpet to have it ruined by visitors who think it's rude to have to take their shoes off!
Likewise, I always take my shoes off when visiting others.

I've never been asked to take my shoes off in any house I've visited. I don't know how I would react if I was but I would be uncomfortable.

I was brought up to think that it was extremely common to do this - a bit like keeping the plastic covers on your sofa. I really hope I don't think that now and certainly haven't passed on my mother's prejudices and hang ups to my DC. However I do think that some of it lingers in me (unfortunately).

It's entirely up to you what you do in your own house though OP.

I don't know - these threads always end up being a bit circular and nobody ever changes their mind!

I think the more international your circle of friends/family/etc is, the less eyebrows are raised at the thought of shoes off in the house. Japanese in particular are very precious about the state of their footwear, their socks and feet as they NEVER walk in shoes indoors. Any type of smell or dirty feet/socks is totally unacceptable.

handsome I think you are right, it is repetitive and boring to discuss this

I'm relatively new. Not everyone on here sees the same discussion all the time.

I absolutely hate outdoor shoes in the house. I really do think it's disgusting and there are many countries who would find it weird that people do wear outside shoes inside. We don't wear them but I've decided to stop asking guests to take their shoes off. Some of my friends offer to do it but I know others don't really like it. My husband also gets uncomfortable taking his shoes off in other people's houses because he's worried that his socks will smell. He always complies though. I always offer to take my shoes off in other people's houses but am usually told to keep them on.

My biggest bugbear is the amount of brushing and mopping I have to do after guests have left, but when thinking about feet which have athlete's foot or verrucaes on I think it's the better option. I'm lucky that I only have rugs, not carpets, but I will pick up my rugs when I'm expecting people over.

I don't care if people think it's rude when I ask them to take their shoes off - I have a small child who crawls on the living room floor, I'd rather they weren't crawling around in whatever happens to be on the floor outside. Plus I have a cream carpet which I saved bloody hard for (and it's nice and neutral and should last us years) which I don't want getting ruined. I don't wear my shoes in the house, and I take them off at other people's houses. The only person who ever complains is FIL.

I used to think it was a bit rude to ask people to take their shoes off. However, we had a party one year and one of the guests brought a girl who was wearing stiletto heels.

A couple of years beforehand we'd had the floors sanded and varnished and had been told that, as this had been done by the previous owners a couple of times before, we would have to replace the floorboards next time.

Anyway, these shoes left loads of little pits (perhaps the size of 5p pieces) all over the floor. It bugged me a bit but DH was quite upset about it. I suppose the main thought is that if you are wearing shoes that are likely to mark someone's floor, why would you not choose to take them off without being asked? I'd feel quite embarrassed if I'd made that sort of damage.

So I think YANBU (and thanks for the opportunity to rant!).

When small son and friends always left shoes in the porch before coming in to eat or play. So did OH and I if I recall !

Different if a social gathering obviously, would not dream of asking anyone to remove footwear. Blimey, if I've paid for a pair of Jimmy Choos you'd have to wrestle me to get 'em off !!

As to wellies in June - small person arrived this morning in tutu,sparkly top and wellies to help bake her favourite cake and look for slow worms . Seemed perfectly sensible to me.

I think it's rude because my feet absolutely freeze in the winter if I take my shoes off which is not a pleasant way to spend time at someone's house.

If you don't have a hall where do you put guests' shoes? We have a tiny lobby then the dining room. Nothing would put me off my food more than looking at other peoples' shoes and smelling their stockinged feet whilst trying to eat.

And cream carpets in the hall? Are you mad? I blame makeover progs. Bring back swirly patterned carpets.

I have friends in a country where it is the norm to take shoes of at home. In fact, it is seen as rude to not do so, Also, shoes off in school, nursery, pre-school etc. People just do it naturally when they enter a building.

They had seen American and British TV and asked me 'do you really wear shoes indoors?' and were amazed when I said some British people do.

I have been asked to do this and hate it - it is a cultural norm in some societies, and when I go to a Japanese friends house they provide all guests with some disposable slippers like the ones you get in hotels, which feels slightly odd to me, but acceptable, knowing it is a deeply entrenched part of Japanese culture. When an English person says it, it just feels wrong and awkward to be sitting in someone's house without shoes on.

It's definitely cultural (I think most countries in the world prefer you to take your shoes off), but my mum also reckons there are class aspects to shoes on / shoes off.

She says that she remembers keeping your outdoor shoes on as meaning that there were servants to clean the floor or that you hadn't walked through the streets to visit, whereas taking your shoes off was an acknowledgement that you had walked through the streets and that your host would have to clean the house themselves. She says that DF's family was much posher than hers, because they had actual 'house shoes' to wear inside, not just slippers.

I accept different cultural rules apply and would , and have , been happy to comply. Talking from a UK perspective it's a no no for any kind of social gathering. Have white or cream carpet tough - get the cleaners in. If your house is more important than your hospitality don't invite anyone, simple as.

Isn't the "shoes on" British culture one where we are not namby-pamby about a bit of dirt?

Do you provide visitors with indoor shoes or slippers - or do they have to walk around wearing only their socks or tights?

I think even if I had wooden/tiled floors, I still wouldn't really like outdoor shoes on inside. Maybe I would be a little less precious about it, and just moan like hell about having to clean the floors after my guests had gone. :o. I work very hard and as a result like to look after my things, the guest whom I offended has a completely different attitude, very much easy come, easy go. ie. child leaves dsi on floor and dog eats it, never mind we will buy another one. IYSWIM

Shoes are fine everywhere except lounge, expensive carpet and my kids bedrooms, I think that's reasonable. When it was on the market I told everyone shoes off, it was snowing to be fair, sludge all through my house, no thanks

Hocuspontas I think I was mad to get a cream carpet for the hall but I was pg at the time so that's my excuse for the insanity :) it has stayed surprisingly clean over the past 2 years due to the no shoes rule.
I visit a relative who has a lovely dark wine carpet that looks immaculate but DD always comes home filthy after an afternoon playing on it due to people wearing their outdoor shoes.

Theoldbrigade - My house is certainly not more important than my friends,, until yesterday, I was blissfully unaware that it could possibly be deemed as rude. My house is very much lived in, and I am a very nice friendly person, who likes to have guests. This thread has been very enlightening, so thanks for all your opinions.