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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that asking a visitor to take of their shoes in my house, is an OK thing to do

449 replies

fluffybutt · 04/06/2011 23:43

I don't have many rules at home, just shoes on if outside and off if you are inside. Just had a friend and her DCs over, and asked them if they would mind taking their shoes off - well apparently thats really rude and made my visitors feel uncomfortable. FFS, it's not like I asked them to walk through an antiseptic food bath or anything.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 05/06/2011 02:34

I always protest when people offer to take shoes off before coming in my home.

My gardener and my bathroom guy always try and take their shoes off and I always insist they don't need to.

They are as welcome in my home as my friends and family and I want to make them feel as welcome and if the garden guy knocks at drink time then I make him have a beer too!

Its just hospitality.

My mother always made us "put shoes on before our guests arrive so you look dressed" - that was apparently a manners thing (in the 80's anyway!) - she was hard pressed getting us to wear shoes sometimes - we were in Oz if that makes a difference.

I don't like padding around in stocking feet, I'd feel odd, one friend went through a short lived phase after an expensive encounter with a brand new Laura Ashley carpet but it was shortlived. She got over it. It was her that christened it with its first stain - a generously sized glass of red wine as it turned out. Doh. Bit of shoe dust wasn't going to matter anymore.

tooworried · 05/06/2011 02:48

I stopped wearing outdoor shoes indoors over 20 years ago when after many years of saving I managed to afford my first new carpet in my tiny flat.

Only house that I wear shoes in is my mother's as she refuses to take her outdoor shoes off and doesn't wear slipper ("that's for old people"). Although she is incredibly houseproud her carpets MUST be absolutely filthy and the thought of walking barefooted there is not a nice thought.

mathanxiety · 05/06/2011 03:54

I have friends who are Russian. They have a collection of slippers and houseshoes for guests to change into, which they graciously offer to everyone who visits. They automatically take their shoes off when they enter someone else's house, which is nice of them imo. We don't wear shoes indoors but I don't ask anyone except children to take theirs off. I like to keep the floors as clean as possible and reduce allergen exposure.

"Yeah, it's common to be so bothered about your floor and carpets - especially at the expense of the comfort of your guests. You'd never see people rattling around in a stately manor in their socks, asking Lord and Lady Muck to take their shoes off before coming inside.:"
All very well and mighty fine for His Lordship and the Missus since they probably have a fleet of charwomen taking care of the floors. And those old manors are all hard to heat, so you'd possibly get frostbite if you wore just your socks.

Pennybubbly · 05/06/2011 04:14

All visitors to my house remove shoes, no asking/requesting needed.
I do live in Japan though.
And my visitors dont get frost-bitten feet as we have underfloor heating in our shoebox, sorry, apartment.
After 16 years here though, it does feel minging to watch my dcs roll on the floor of relatives/friends houses in the uk, when I know there've been countless outdoor shoes in that same spot. Guess a lot of people must ensure their babies and toddlers aren't in contact with flooring too often? Surely you wouldn't want their faces on the spot someone's dirty shoe has been? Or do you just shrug?
I find it a bit weird now tbh, especially shoes on carpet, but I probably wouldn't ask anyone beyond v. close family and friends to remove their shoes (I'd think them rude for not noticing the pile of shoes by the door and not following suit tho).

sunnydelight · 05/06/2011 04:14

YANBU, it's the norm around here. I felt really rude the other day asking if it was ok to keep my shoes on as the floors were tiled and I had no socks on and it was just too cold to go barefoot which I do 99% of the time.

empirestateofmind · 05/06/2011 04:28

YANBU it is the norm here in Singapore. Everyone takes their shoes off, without asking, as anything is seen as very unclean. Everyone wears easy to slip off shoes and sandals.

In some shops like rug shops and beauty places people take their shoes off before going in- it is not just homes where this happens.

Wearing outdoor shoes inside seems pretty grubby to me. And not fair on whoever has to clean the floors.

Iteotwawki · 05/06/2011 05:01

We always used to keep shoes on in the UK, wouldn't have occurred to us to take them off inside.

However, here (NZ) it's normal to take shoes off in the porch area before coming in - took a very short amount of time to get used to (and a few calls of "shoes off at the door!" for the boys) - now it feels wrong to wear outside shoes indoors.

I wouldn't think it rude to ask people to take off their outdoor shoes before coming in, though most people do anyway. Some of my older relatives don't but their outdoor shoes have pretty much only been on in the car / on the drive so they're clean. And even if they weren't I wouldn't dream of asking them. If anyone asks shoes on or off, I just say however they're most comfortable.

SloganLogan · 05/06/2011 08:39

I find it rude and fussy. What harm is a bit of dust and a few germs going to do? Why aren't people who wear shoes indoors dropping like flies? Doormats are there for a reason and humans don't need to live in sterile bubbles.

Very muddy shoes should be removed without you having to ask though.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 05/06/2011 13:12

Expat, yep. Minging. Wouldn't catch me doing it now. Though it did leave me with exceedingly leathery soles, which could be very helpful these days with the amount of lego, stones etc I seem to stand on on a daily basis.

chicletteeth · 05/06/2011 13:20

I think it's fine to ask.
Many don't.

I started a thread on this once and it was all rather pleasant.

Some poor woman started one a week or two after me and it got very nasty.

Lets see how this one ends up.

hocuspontas · 05/06/2011 13:22

I think I commented last time this was aired and mentioned I would be ill if we had guests round and I had to look at men's ugly big toes for the evening. Put me right off my Twiglets it would.

Lizziefinch · 05/06/2011 13:25

Most people I know have shoes off policies in the house and it would NEVER occur to me to be offended. I know how much light coloured carpets cost and I know how long it takes to clean the floors after people tread dirt in.

However, I don't ask my in laws to take shoes off because I know they like to wear them. All my friends do it without being asked, although for some of them this is because they are asian.

usualsuspect · 05/06/2011 13:26

yabu

Ishani · 05/06/2011 13:28

This is why we make people use the back door, through to the garden and designated zones. They might have to wipe their feet on the way out of my house for fear of dirtying the pavement but my carpets are spotless and guests unoffended.

bluebobbin · 05/06/2011 13:30

I think it is rude and arrogant to enter a "shoes off" house like the OP's and not take your shoes off - you should not need to be asked - it's obvious that you should do as the host does - whether that's shoes on or off. If a guest is in doubt, they should ask what's preferred.

Whilst it is considered rude to ask someone to take their shoes off, I think it is ruder to just enter someone's home and have no respect for their rules. So if it's had to be mentioned, the guest is probably a PITA anyway. (Unless they have a problem which makes shoe removal difficult).

I got particularly fussy about shoe removal after I had a load of dog shit trodden into my house. Doesn't matter whether the floors are hard or soft, dog shit is revolting.

Lizziefinch · 05/06/2011 13:30

Plus Pennybubby, YES, why are people so hygene conscious about some things and yet don't realise that their outdoor shoes will have traces of all sorts of bird poo, dog poo etc etc even if they don't look dirty. Round here all the pigeons seemed to have diarrhea for a coupe of months recently, and I did have to insist people took shoes off to avoid yellow birds muck being trodden into carpets.

HumanBehaviour · 05/06/2011 13:32

Where I'm from (Sweden) everyone always takes their shoes off without being asked and it would be considered VERY rude to walk in with your shoes on.

I hate it when people walk in with their shoes on in my house (I've got a baby crawling on the floors) and often ask people to take them off. My floors aren't cold so no need to keep them on.

lynehamrose · 05/06/2011 13:35

Bossy and anal.

It implies that your neurosis about your carpets is more important than relaxing and welcoming friends in.

Obviously if its pouring with rain and like the Somme in your front garden, any sensible adult would step out of their shoes on entering. But a pair of sandals on a summer day? Probably cleaner than the persons bare feet would be , and no doubt less offensive too!

hocuspontas · 05/06/2011 13:40

I'm always amazed at how many people don't have doormats. Surely this would solve a lot of problems?

Any normal adult would remove muddy/pooey/wet shoes anyway wouldn't they?

SauvignonBlanche · 05/06/2011 13:41

I don't think it's rude but it's certainly unwelcoming and implies that your floor is more inportant than your guest's confort.

WhoAteMySnickers · 05/06/2011 13:42

Rude and unwelcoming.

I can't stand feet. So therefore I'd rather visitors kept their shoes on, especially in summer, bare feet, ugh!

Lizziefinch · 05/06/2011 13:57

fluffybutt, just invite people who don't mind.

madonnawhore · 05/06/2011 14:03

When I lived in the far east, removing shoes when entering someone's home was totally not a big deal and I did it without questioning.

However, in the UK, if someone asks me to take my shoes off when coming into their house I think they are anal and weird and I feel a bit uncomfortable.

Maybe it's because in the far east I was wearing flip flops the whole time and taking them off is no big deal. But in the UK, I'm normally wearing boots or something with laces and have to balance on one foot trying to unzip or unbuckle as my host looks on in awkward silence.

I do find it odd, sorry. Children de-shoeing is fine. Adults, not so much.

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/06/2011 14:06

YABU. You obviously think that your carpets are more important than your guests. This is a relatively new thing. It's the norm in most parts of Asia, it seems, and Sweden, but it's not really the norm in southern England, anyway. I would feel most uncomfortable, as would my teenage DC as they are going through the sweaty feet phase. I also don't always have matching socks on, so would feel uncomfortable.

PlentyOfPrimroses · 05/06/2011 14:09

It's a cultural thing, surely. I live in an area with a high asian population and it's pretty much the norm to remove shoes round here. I don't care if people take their shoes off or leave them on in my house but most people seem to automatically take them off at the door.

Personally, I feel far more comfortable when I take my shoes off.