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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that asking a visitor to take of their shoes in my house, is an OK thing to do

449 replies

fluffybutt · 04/06/2011 23:43

I don't have many rules at home, just shoes on if outside and off if you are inside. Just had a friend and her DCs over, and asked them if they would mind taking their shoes off - well apparently thats really rude and made my visitors feel uncomfortable. FFS, it's not like I asked them to walk through an antiseptic food bath or anything.

OP posts:

nijinsky · 06/06/2011 23:14

I wonder what Debretts has to say on this matter? Does anyone have a copy to hand?

I suspect it would be along the lines of doing whatever makes your host comfortable and, on the host's part, doing whatever is necessary to make your guest feel welcome.

Which pretty much sums up what people on here are saying. However I suspect that Debretts would agree that your guests are more important than your carpets.

As I mentioned before, reception rooms are for recieving people in. If they are not up to this when people are shod, your decor is wrong.

Orbinator · 07/06/2011 07:05

When I looked at home decor I chose to have no carpet downstairs. I have a fairly light coloured carpet that starts on the stairs. Therefore, I say to guests that shoes are fine downstairs, but if they are staying longer or going into a bedroom or the main bathroom then shoes off. Usually the people staying longer want to relax anyway and taking shoes off means they can curl up on the sofa and not feel they have to rush off out any time soon. I've recently been to Slovakia and was greeted with a box of house slippers for a flat that only had one carpeted room, but I didn't cause a fuss and ask why. I just accepted that this was what the host expected and would make everyone feel more comfortable.

Plus my dad is a big walker - goes for miles and is not governed by time. He is more than likely to be walking in with a clod of dog doo stuck to his rather large shoes and would happily traipse this through the house without noticing. He is a very intelligent man with little common sense. For me, this was a personal deciding factor

Pennybubbly · 07/06/2011 07:16

To hocuspontas:

With regard to toilet slippers, I guess it depends.
In my m-in-law's house (Japanese) they have them, but they also have separate loos (I kid you not) - one is a urinal for the men, the other is a sit-down style. The sit-down loo has the slippers outside, and I suppose, by virtue of the fact that eveyone sits down on it, there is no splashage (is that a word? It should be if it isn't).

(Whispers: I also illegally wear my indoor slippers in the loo as a two-fingered salute to m-in-law and her many (unreasonable) rules. But that's a whole other thread).

strangerintheday · 07/06/2011 07:32

To Jejas

There are plenty of places where footwear is routinely rented out to huge number of people: skiing resorts, ice-rinks, bowling. I would not touch these smelly and damp articles with a bargepole. I see a LOT of people wearing no footwear in public swimming pools and saunas. Now this is seriously yucky.

Damp environment is a perfect breeding ground for all sorts of nasty bacteria and fungi. If you want to progress your campaign for healthy footwear I suggest you look into these places first, not "vile" house slippers. In my home where house slippers are provided they are very clean, very fresh and one has always a choice not to wear them at all (or not to come into my house beyond the entrance hall) - it all is fine by me.

exoticfruits · 07/06/2011 08:28

I would agree that it is yucky to wear anyone else's footwear but you can't spend a fortune on ski boots or for something that you do very rarely like bowling. If people do either a lot they buy their own..
I think it is utterly vile to offer house slippers-bin them all! (I don't care how clean they are) Tell people to bring their own.

exoticfruits · 07/06/2011 09:05

It is one thing to take off shoes ( easy) but it puts theguest in an embarrassing position to offer house slippers, they have to find a polite way to refuse (not easy).

Jajas · 07/06/2011 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5DollarShake · 07/06/2011 11:00

Why the eff are they called 'house' slippers, anyway?!

Where else would you where the beastly things-- them?

nijinsky · 07/06/2011 11:05

Slippers have to be one of the most unstylish items of footwear known to mankind. There are very few outfits that slippers wouldn't completely ruin the look of. (for example, boot cut jeans, cut to end just above the heigh of your boots to elongate the legs). To me, its something your granny would wear. Personally I don't care if people abroad offer them to guests, there are plenty of countries in the world where this isn't done. I'd rather go barefoot than wear grotty slippers, and I also tend not to have friends with such poor personal hygiene in my house that I would have to become paranoid about fungus and bacteria emanating from their feet (although part of me thinks this is in the realms of thinking far too much about something and verging on a phobia).

CeliaDeBohun · 07/06/2011 11:14

I have been glued to the sofa tonight and studying whether the people on tv take their shoes off or not - none off so far, range of British and American programmes.

Well I only watched Eastenders and couldn't help noticing that Denise took her shoes off when she went round to Zainab's To be fair, I don't think anyone else in 'Enders did.

lesley33 · 07/06/2011 11:25

I noticed that in Eastenders as well, but it was done in such a way that it made it look like an unusual request - and Denise didn't appear to be happy to do this.

I don't think there is any point talking about what people do in other countries. People do all kinds of things in other countries that we would think is disgusting and vice versa, so it really isn't relevant.

For example, in China hawking up phlegm and spitting it out is very very common and isn't usually looked on as rude. But laughing, etc and showing an open mouth is considered very very rude and most people will hold up their hand to cover their mouth.

A different country - so different expectations and etiquette demanded.

lesley33 · 07/06/2011 11:28

And I do wonder if the shoes off people will still demand this when they and their friends are getting very old and taking shoes off and on is something that can only be done with difficulty. There is no way my gran can take off or put her shoes on without sitting down on a chair and even then its a struggle.

Jajas · 07/06/2011 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cocoflower · 07/06/2011 12:54

Im sorry but I squirm at the thought of people wearing shoes in my house (or walking in from being barefoot outside)

All I can think is off the germs on the shoes being trodden through the house. If they have their shoes in a public toilet for instance think of the piss they could be dragging through the house and then I tred on it or dc and it could end up in our clean beds.

Im sorry but shudder, shudder, shudder.

catwhiskers10 · 07/06/2011 13:17

I don't get the idea that asking someone to remove their shoes is 'common'
Is it not more snobby to ask someone to remove their shoes as it suggests your floors are more important than your guest's comfort?

MindyMacready · 07/06/2011 13:21

You can ask, I can refuse, simple.

eurochick · 07/06/2011 13:29

The toilet slipper thing explains why a Japanese tourist on holiday last year stole my beloved havaianas to go for a p1ss!

We were in Malaysia and the dining area was a shoes off zone (fine, accepting local norms) and shoes were left at the end of the room. When I went to look for mine after dinner, they had disappeared. Then a tourist came out of the ladies wearing them and took them off at the door! Now that's fecking rude. Euch. At least they are plastic and washable!

jaffacake79 · 07/06/2011 13:34

No shoes on in our house. They are removed and put with the others by the front door. When people come round they normally take theirs off too without having to be asked. I suppose they just notice and have a desire to be polite.
I'm not too fussed about shoes on in the hallway or kitchen though as it's hard flooring and easy to clear up.
I also have random pairs of slippers (normally hotel type ones) under the stairs that people can borrow if they so wish - not that I'd offer, but if their feet are cold as the kitchen floor gets a bit chilly. They're chucked in the wash after they've been worn by whomever.

nijinsky · 07/06/2011 13:36

*cocoflower All I can think is off the germs on the shoes being trodden through the house. If they have their shoes in a public toilet for instance think of the piss they could be dragging through the house and then I tred on it or dc and it could end up in our clean beds.

Im sorry but shudder, shudder, shudder.*

This is what I mean by it verging on a phobia. How do you manage to go outdoors, when people might cough or breath near you - the most common way of bacteria spreading? Do you wear a face mask?

1000 years ago in this country (which is not a long time in this country) we were living in structures with bare earth floors, no soap, sink or anti-bacterial handwash. We are actually designed as human beings quite well to cope with dirt.

Cocoflower · 07/06/2011 13:41

Well I would hope no-one dare breathe near me
Sorry but Im never going to change on this. It could be partly because as a child I lived in a country where it was rude not to remove shoes.

Either way its just unhygenic and I dont like it.

Original poster

fluffybutt · 07/06/2011 14:40

Exotic, my OP was not to change my mind about whether or not I should wear shoes inside my house, I was asking if it was rude to ask someone to remove their shoes, as personally I saw it as no different from asking a visitor not to smoke inside. I have taken on board the comments made, do I want people wearing shoes in my house, No, but I now know that if a visitor doesn't remove their shoes, don't bother to ask them to, as they will judge you and feel unwelcome. Or maybe I should ask them, as do I want people who judge me in my life anyway

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 07/06/2011 15:43

Well now you know fluffybutt! I think it rude-even if I was someone who wanted them off I would never ask.

CeliaDeBohun · 07/06/2011 16:07

1000 years ago in this country (which is not a long time in this country) we were living in structures with bare earth floors, no soap, sink or anti-bacterial handwash.

But then people didn't live very long back in those days either...

Fluffybutt, I think you're ahead of your time . As someone said a few pages ago, accepted hygiene standards change over the years and back in the 50s, a weekly bath was the norm. Now most people would think that was minging (apart from my grandparents who think a daily shower is extravagant and unnecessary ). In 30 years time, shoes off will be the norm and nobody will think it's common. Or maybe people will have stopped using 'common' and 'lower middle class' as an insult...

Original poster

fluffybutt · 07/06/2011 16:32

That would be nice Celia, though I doubt some people will ever stop using 'common' and 'lower middle class' as an insult.

OP posts:

Cocoflower · 07/06/2011 16:38

Where has this theory come from its common exactly?

Is there a published book available on amazon for such a study?

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