to think that asking a visitor to take of their shoes in my house, is an OK thing to do

[fluffybutt]

I don't have many rules at home, just shoes on if outside and off if you are inside. Just had a friend and her DCs over, and asked them if they would mind taking their shoes off - well apparently thats really rude and made my visitors feel uncomfortable. FFS, it's not like I asked them to walk through an antiseptic food bath or anything.

I agree that there is nothing intrinsically wrong in either being a shoes off or a shoes on person - its what you are used to and feel most comfortable doing. But the OP's question is about asking people to take their shoes off.

Obviously if shoes are obviously muddy/dirty then asking them to take their shoes off is fine; but if not I think it should be what the guest prefers. If they prefer taking their shoes off or keeping them on then they should be able to do this.

I like to make guests feel welcome so I would never dictate this. Just as I would never dictate that a friend with Raynaud's should take off her gloves inside or my friend's very awkward teenage boy should take his coat off before sitting on the sofa.

But some people are much more welcoming to guests than others. If you are not and care more about the risk of a bit of dirt in your house, then you will have less guests, but I guess you won't mind.

And I am a shoes on person because:

1. I am used to it and so feel more comfortable wearing them. Just as I don't take off my bra when sitting on the sofa watching tv so I don't take off my shoes.

1. In friends houses where I do have to take off shoes my feet are usually cold.

1. Unless people's floors are very clean I always end up with dust, dog hair, etc on the bottom of my feet/socks.

1. I think the idea of shared slippers is disgusting and very unhygienic.

1. I have an invisible disability which makes me more clumsy. Walking with just socks or tights on can be slippy and I am always worried I am going to fall over.

1. Lots of women's feet are disgusting by the time you get to my age - 46, and I really don't want to see corns, bunions, etc.

1. I have recurring athlete's foot that I know I am at risk of spreading to others if I have to walk barefoot and I know others may have veruccas, etc that they could be spreading to me.

1. Slippers seem like an old person's footwear and to take them to other people's houses seems a really middle aged thing. If I bought slippers for this purpose, I feel I may as well buy a tartan shopping trolley at the same time! I know not everyone feels like this though.

I would personally prefer to clean my floors and carpets slightly more often because of these reasons than

I don't agree. Everyone I know does this.

"terribly rude to walk into another person's house with shoes on"

exoticfruits They are disposable btw also my home my rules

Shoes in the house yuk why not coats in bed how awful

And if they don't want to wear crocs they can go all the way round the house a go trough the side gate if they wish with their shoes on.

Slogonlogan well it depends on who you know I am black british and live in a Asian area culturally with both you take off your shoes when entering a house.

My mate insists I keep my shoes on in her home and I don't like it all.

It's funny, I don't actually feel at home or comfortable until I have taken my shoes off. Being able to sit at a friends house barefooted and legs on the sofa, thats when I feel welcome, not sitting all prim at a table, with my shoes on. But thats just me, we are all different. :)

Scroobius you're a bit premature to talk of the "cultural norm" - surely this thread demonstrates a fairly even split between what people expect regarding shoes.
What I am wondering is, does everyone just follow the pattern of their parents? And what happens if a shoes-off person falls in love with a shoes-on one? (Or does that never happen as they are too different!)

grew up in working class shoes on house and after living in other countries where it's the norm to go shoeless - I much prefer shoeless and don't really feel comfortable wearing shoes in other folks houses. Don't think I ask visitors to take them off (other than kids), though many do.

iggi

Nope my mum is a shoe on person and I am a shoe of.I grit my teeth when people wear shoes indoor at mine .Though if they are muddy/dirty I will ask people to take them of .

Oh and I always take mine of automatically .Well did do not now

iggi my parents are shoes on people and that's how I grew up.

Then I met DH and he and his family are all shoes off people. Our house is shoes off. After never having considered it before then, it did make sense to me when I thought about how dirty the streets are.

Whoever it was who asked why we would all be happy to have people with bare, sweaty feet rather than let them keep their shoes on, my answer is this. I wouldn't be happy for your bare, sweaty feet to be on my carpet, but I would rather that than dirty shoes.

And whoever it was who said that if someone has trodden in dogs poo then they would leave their shoes off anyway. Of course they would, but germs from dogs poo aren't always visible. Dog owners usually pick up turds so you can't always see where they've done it. It doesn't mean there aren't any traces of it left behind and I'd rather not have it traipsed into my house where my DS plays on the floor.

And the Buckingham palace example. I doubt very much that OBEs etc are awarded in the Queen's private living quarters hence no one being asked to remove their shoes. It's quite possible that people who do access her private living quarters have strict rules about what they are and aren't allowed to wear and their shoes are maintained to a much higher standard than average and probably have to be cleaned and polished daily.

I don't think there's any right or wrong on this one, as someone else said it's personal preference and certainly nothing to do with class.

I like the idea of a shoes off house and don't wear my outdoor shoes inside but I'd never have the brass neck to ask guests to take theirs off . It does seem that most people judge you quite harshly if you do or maybe it's just that the 'anti' posts on this thread have been far more belligerent than the 'pro' ones

It's weird how many people instantly dismiss it because it's seen as common, as if being bothered about having a clean house automatically marks you out as a social climbing, doily obsessed Hyacinth Bucket type. No wonder the rest of the world think we're a nation of filthy snobs!

Celia we are maybe more belligerent due to the suggestions that our houses are a cesspit of vomit and dog excrement in which our children risk life & limb to survive while we sit about contemplating our shoe-covered feet.
More or less.

It wouldn't occur to me not to take mine off to be honest, its somehting i do automatically. Might be as i work in a day nursery (converted house) and we all remove our shoes at the front door, so i spend very little time in shoes!

So you can wear shoes on carpet if it isn't a personal living space? You could visit the Queen in her personal living space because your shoes would be polished? I do actually clean my shoes and would take them off if they were dirty.
What would you do with an adult that I know who goes everywhere, all weathers (apart from work) in bare feet? Make him wash them?

I think that Lesley's points 1-8 are excellent.

Well yes, wearing shoes on carpet that's not in someone's home is normal.

I understand the thread to be about personal living space and was merely pointing out that where the OBEs are given out in Buckingham Palace is not personal living space and is the part of the Queen's office if you like, so obviously people would not be expected to remove their shoes.

Now if we were talking about removing shoes on all carpeted areas in public I would agree that is ridiculous

And no, I won't ever be visiting the Queen with or without clean shoes for I am a peasant. I'm making a big assumption that not many people have access to the Queens private living space and those that do will either be staff who have to clean their shoes daily and probably aren't allowed to wear uniforms including shoes outside anyway, or other members of the Royal family who probably have their shoes cleaned daily.

Well I wouldn't ask people to remove shoes but it's terribly rude to walk into another person's house with shoes on unless a) you're over 60 (times have changed, as has the cultural norm) or b) you're a professional on a work visit (even then, I'd offer personally) or c) it's a dinner party other special occasion which means you have 'party' shoes on anyway.

So if you're going to let this person, and that person, and this person in with their shoes on, then what's the bloody point having a no-shoes on rule?! It seems like such a pointless, token gesture to have a few select people remove them, only for everyone else to leave them on?

Either you're weirdly obsessively concerned about dog shit being traipsed into your house or you're not...

Everyone visiting my house has to take off shoes at the door. It's disgusting to tread dirt and germs from the street outside into floors within the home on your shoes. Also stones caught in the soles of shoes can make marks / scratch wood floors, and dirty the carpets.

On the continent in Europe everyone does the take shoes off thing, India and Asia too, but for some reason many British people think it's an unreasonable imposition to ask of guests or are happy walking around a house themselves in shoes. If i go to someone's house i automatically take off my shoes without needing to be asked. on the whole many brits aren't very houseproud / clean.

No, theinet - that's just it - we do keep a clean house, and are perfectly capable of hoovering and sweeping before (and after, if they're particularly filthy guests ) guests come.

How difficult and challenging do you find keeping you place clean, if you can't cope with a few guests? I venture - it's you lot who sound like the lazy ones.

This is what I mean about you shoes-off lot just being inherently unwelcoming. It's guests, for heaven's sake - just welcome them in and make them feel at home! And then get out the bloody hoover afterwrds if they've really left your place in such a state!

Germphobics - you do realise that there are germs on the soles of your feet, don't you? Your guests are still putting germs on your floors. Best not to invite people round if you are that worried about germs. But you'll end up with a weak immune system and die when someone in the outside world sneezes near you...

Btw, haven't been to Buckingham Palace but I've been to Clarence House and St James' and shoes were definitely worn! And I doubt very much that HM the Q would have such a prissy lower middle class rule, fgs. She has corgis, after all.

And I'm not British, either.

I don't know why people start these-I doubt whether one single person ever changes their mind! A poll would be more interesting with one vote per person.

I'm still at toilet slippers!
Who would want to wear something that could have other peoples' urine splashed on them? (or worse)

I have been glued to the sofa tonight and studying whether the people on tv take their shoes off or not - none off so far, range of British and American programmes. Hmm.