I'm in love with DH's best friend.

[Feronia]

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

yep, he's grooming you, you know he is the one keeping your DH out so he can be the big hero tomorrow and catch you while you are emotionally vulnerable - wake up and smell the coffee FFS. I did actually post that i think your DH is out of order for being out and then out at golf tomorrow, and i asked you what you want to change about your relationship with DH, but you chose to ignore that and keep mooning on about X like some sort of lovesick teenager. Its childish, and you are sat there reporting to us that he is still texting you, yep, hes still sitting there buying your DH drinks no doubt as well. If IF he cared about you in any way shape or form he would send/bring/get your DH home to you so you can sort things out, but hes not doing that is he.

Feronia... There isn't one person on this thread who wants you to lose what you have. You're getting hard words but you need them, even though you don't want to hear them because they chip away at the facade that you and X have built up in your 'fantasy' life while DH is at work.

Please don't mistake bluntness and honest, brutal truths for people not caring about what happens to you and not wanting to see you happy. 'Huns' and 'hugs' are not going to help you, some insight from people who've maybe been where you are - and lost - will help you, hopefully.

Zippy, along with others have given you some good advice - you need DH to make some time for you and for you and DD - sit him down and tell him how much you want that. Ask him where he can make some time and try to schedule it in so that you both look forward to it every week. That's in your best interests, your DH's and your DD's, to be a family unit, which is what it sounds as if you really, truly want.

I have a friend just like you OP, except she eight years down the line.

Here's what happened. My friend was with her DH for years, he treated her like your DH does you like a princess he worshipped the ground she walked on, nothing was too much for her. Then she had a baby, no problem she didn't do night feeds fine her DH took care of it, she didn't want to go back to work after having the baby no problem her DH took care of his girls.

Then my friend decided to have an affair with a family friend. When her DH found out at first he begged her to stop it & try & make the marriage work. Then when he realised it wasn't happening he divorced her. But he set her up in her own place etc.

Friends affair lasted a year after her divorce, now she is yearning for her old life back.

Her DH has moved on & is making another woman deliriously happy (I mean seriously you can't expect such a lovely man remaining single till you feel ready to dance back into his life).

Friend is utterly miserable & misses her former life desperately. And honestly my heart breaks for her. She really crapped on her own wonderful life from a great height.

Squeakytoy - I feel terrible. After he kissed me I made him leave, I haven't been out, I'm absolutely agonising over it every second. I've never been more miserable, not just about X, but about what I'm doing to DH. And everytime I look at my DD I want to cry.

I just don't want to do anything until I've spoken to DH. After talking to you all I just feel desperate to talk to him and wish he would reply to me or come home.

of course he's still texting you then if you haven't knocked him back yet, you've been leading him on for months and he thinks he is seeing you tomorrow. Have you thought about phoning DH, apologising and asking him to come home? X is probably encouraging him to ignore you if he's seen your message at all whilst charming you himself, thus killing 2 birds with one stone.

fit2drop, she isnt infatuated with me is she. Honestly, this is like listening to my DD and her teenage friends going on about who is going out with who and who texted who, "and then he texted me this, so i texted that, and he said and i said" Christ on a sodding bike

Feronia. If you seriously want to stop this , its easy
ditch the dickhead
ditch the phone , you deleting his number means nothing , he can still call you so change your number.
Tell DH you dont want X involved in any part of your lives .
dont get into dialogue with X at all.

Tell DH the truth, its simple x

if you do none of the above then stop complaining and saying how hard it is.
cos the reality and the adult version is very easy and simple.

BLOCK HIS NUMBER.

Feronia, Sunshine is spot on. After reading your posts, I am thinking your husband deserves to be married to a better person.

Are you so lacking in self-esteem that a bit of flattery is enough to tempt you to your lose your morals.

X is a player, he is master at this game. Players know exactly which buttons to press to bowl the woman over, he is all about the chase and his ego. He will use you and when bored he will walk away.

God, you are so naive.

Heres an idea, text X and tell him you need to see your HUSBAND and would he mind awfully putting a stop to his boys night out so you can start putting your marriage right.

If you loved her more than anything in the world you wouldn't be considering tearing her family apart so you can get off with some creep who is willing to betray his best friend.

If you are not willing to be honest with your DH, text this 'friend' of his and say, please do not contact me ever again. And then take all pains to avoid him.

You then need to have a proper talk with your husband you know, that man who you made promises to? About how you are feeling lonely and how you want to work together to get things straight again.

You cannot play this game, your daughter deserves better than that.

You are very very stupid to think for even a second that this man loves you. He is enjoying the game, he will rip your daughter's family up to 'win', then when it gets boring and he has to be the one doing all the work and boring stuff, he will drop you and move onto someone more interesting.

Don't be dumb.

If you phone dh and ask him to come home I guarantee X will cack himself. Coward.

Sunshine... DD and her teenage friends going on about who is going out with who and who texted who, "and then he texted me this, so i texted that, and he said and i said" Christ on a sodding bike..

Made me laugh so much...

I can almost see the conversation now H to X, "DW has texted and asked me to come home" X to H "ok mate, lets just have one more drink first eh" then tomorrow he will be there ready to comfort the frustrated housewife with is own special kind of love! its so transparent its a farce

ZIPPY539 I am so sorry but I am pmsl

how do you put 8 pages into three words....get ZIPPY539 to do it !

8 pages and you couldnt have put it better , short sharp simple

Greek tragedy? Do me a favour. More like Trisha.

Sunshine, I did reply to you. I said that nothing about my DH has to change... Etc etc.

Zippy - I've just tried to call DH but it went to voicemail.

Lyingwitch - I was sure you were being lovely, but I'm glad it's all so funny to you.

Here is an idea. Call the other man. Ask him to pass the phone over to your husband. :)

sunshine, I think your DD must be friends with my DD cos that conversation definately goes on in my house, usually followed by theatrical hand waving and a stomping of stairs and a crecendo of bedroom door banging . then me looking at DH and saying "tea anyone"

Excellent idea squeakytoy, we know that X's phone is working just find don't we?

Do that Feronia, I bet he won't because he is just loving that he is pretending to be mates with your DH while trying to shag his wife.

Just a thought, has your DH done something to this guy to deserve this?

I'm all typed-out, Feronia, I'm not lovely, I'm bothered with giving you my honest views - or I was. I don't want your DD to suffer, she's going to if you don't sort yourself out. I was laughing at Sunshine's post about her daughter if you'd bothered to read past any posts that aren't directly about you and your beloved X.

None of this is funny; but then it's only you and X treating this as some kind of Greek tragedy when it's just a sleazy 'affair to be' because you need somebody to pat your hand.

I wish your DH good luck and an excellent lawyer.

I was wondering that too Morloth, because most blokes have a code of conduct, and one of those is not stealing your best mates wife.

Maybe there is some past history between them, and this is the "revenge".

then switch your phone off, go to bed and read this back in the morning, taking on board the advice rather than wallowing in your self-pity. Spend your afternoon while DH is out preparing a lovely meal for you both and have your 'date night' in tomorrow night and try talking to your DH about moving things forward. Make plans together for things you can do as a family and as a couple and listen to what he thinks/wants. You are spending too much time and energy focusing on the wrong man here - get things back on track with DH whilst ignoring X and he will soon back off and find someone else to play with.

Morloth, I don't think that this all was premeditated. He lived so far away that DH visited alone, and I saw him at our wedding and DH's 35th birthday but just to say hi, he didn't know me really at all.

Just thrown together for 9 weeks all day everyday led to a friendship and then, sort of, more...

I don't think he's trying to hurt my DH.