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Original poster

I'm in love with DH's best friend.

634 replies

Feronia · 04/06/2011 20:54

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
MindyMacready · 05/06/2011 01:03

"I don't think he's trying to hurt my DH." spits out horlicks....

DandyLioness · 05/06/2011 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 01:04

I don't think he's trying to hurt my DH.

ffs..... Hmm ..... you are either gullible, naive, or just completely deluded... or possibly all 3.

DandyLioness · 05/06/2011 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:06

Squeakytoy - I'm not. But they've known each other for 24 years. I think this all happened... I don't think it was premeditated.

OP posts:
fit2drop · 05/06/2011 01:07

hes not having to try is he.
you are helping him make it easy.

I see no shame from you and I find that quite distasteful actually

Morloth · 05/06/2011 01:08

He is going to though isn't he?

Would you really trust a man who would do this to his best mate? You really would? What would stop him from doing it to you when he gets bored?

I will be honest here, the way you are behaving disgusts me, it is truly vile and ridiculous.

You are too old for this shit, it is acceptable when you are 16, when you are 30 and have a child it is just wrong.

There is no special romance going on here, there is no great love story, there is a standard sordid little tale of a guy who wants to get his rocks off, who likes hurting people and a stupid woman who thinks because her husband is working hard to support her and their daughter that he doesn't pay enough attention to her.

If you don't want your family anymore, then tell your DH the truth and allow him to make decisions with all of the facts. He has done nothing to deserve the way you are behaving.

You are not part of a Greek tragedy you are part of a Jeremy Kyle episode and it is pathetic to whine about love like you are when you are an adult with responsibilities.

No love triangles, no tragedies, just responsibility and real love, love for your daughter should trump love for this X.

You will teach her that love and marriage is disposable when someone 'better' comes along. When she asks you why you and Daddy don't live together, what are you going to tell her?

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 01:08

Feronia, its fairly obvious that thinking straight isnt one of your strong points. You havent taken on board any of the posts on here, that unanimously tell you exactly what sort of a twat this bloke is.

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:08

You see no shame from me? Can't you read?? I'm full of shame!

OP posts:
penguin73 · 05/06/2011 01:10

He knows what he is doing is hurtful and wrong, yet is sat buying his 'best friend' drinks whilst texting his wife to meet up and have an affair - that's fairly premeditated methinks!

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 01:11

Full of something, but it aint shame....

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/06/2011 01:11

Plenty of self-pity, all about how you feel, Feronia but no shame and what about real thought for your husband - and your daughter - and the impact of what you're doing if this all blows up in your face?

penguin73 · 05/06/2011 01:12

words mean nothing when the actions don't back them up!

fit2drop · 05/06/2011 01:12

where?

Morloth · 05/06/2011 01:13

Then STOP IT just stop it.

If you truly are ashamed of yourself, grow the fuck up and STOP.

Otherwise you are enjoying the drama as much as he is.

Tell your DH what his 'mate' has done, tell your DH that you need to see more of him, tell your DH that you have been tempted.

He might decide that he doesn't want you any more or he might decide that he had a close shave there and try to work it out.

But right now you want both don't you? You want happy families with X while DH does all the work to support you?

Just STOP, there is no excuse for how you are behaving, none.

fit2drop · 05/06/2011 01:14

squeaky Full of something, but it aint shame Grin

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:30

I've already said I'm going to stop. I've already said I'm going to talk to my DH.

I've said nothing but lovely things about my DH, but actually, I'm sitting in my house, by myself, looking after DD while he is out drinking and ignoring me. I haven't done anything terribly wrong with X other than have feelings, and I made him leave when he kissed me.

You can't help your feelings but I am trying.

And for what it's worth, I would be willing to have a smaller house, an older car, less disposable income for more time with DH but it's not my decision.

I didn't invite X to stay. I begged DH to revoke the invitation as I was so desperately tired and hurting and struggling. Feeding was a nightmare, I barely left the house and every day was constant arguments.

I didn't mean for anything to happen, but when you're in that situation and a charming man is convincing you that maybe a walk would get the baby to sleep, or maybe a walk around the shops would cheer you up, or maybe a nurse or health visitor could help you with feeding... It feels nice. And maybe starting to feel better because of all of X's attentions is wrong, but as I've said, I wish wish wish I didn't feel this way.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 01:31

youve had tumultuous time
he seems like a hero.youre all over the shop
keep your pants on and send the poon hound packing

Morloth · 05/06/2011 01:34

You can help what you are feeling. It is a cop out to say you can't, you just decide that a man who would treat his best mate like this is scum, if that doesn't take care of it then there is no hope for you.

You need to tell your DH the truth about what has gone on here. You need to tell him what has happened so that he can see his mate for who he really is and so that he can understand how important his time is to you.

No crying, no wailing about love. Just proper grown up communicating and being married.

You cannot behave like this once you have a child. You just can't, you need to suck it up, grow up and sort it out.

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 01:36

I'm sitting in my house, by myself, looking after DD while he is out drinking and ignoring me.

You chose NOT to go out with him tonight you said.

when you're in that situation and a charming man is convincing you that maybe a walk would get the baby to sleep, or maybe a walk around the shops would cheer you up, or maybe a nurse or health visitor could help you with feeding... It feels nice

Nice yes, but you dont fall in love with that person, you see them as a friend.

This man isnt a friend, he is a predator who is trying (and quite probably going to suceed) in fucking up your marriage, and then he will hightail it off to some other long lost mate with a yarn about needing a room....

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:39

Yes Squeakytoy - I said no to going out because I'm feeling awful about what happened and I didn't want to leave my baby. He went out, that's fair enough. What I object to is that it's half one and he's ignoring my calls.

OP posts:
fit2drop · 05/06/2011 01:41

Feronia you cannot USE the fact that your husband showed a kindness to his friend by allowing him to "lodge" at your house for a few weeks , nine i think you said as an excuse for having feelings for him months down the line.
Take responsibility ffs!!! You must have actively encouraged his attention, if not at first , certainly later on and even if you didnt actively encourage it you certainly haven't actively discouraged it .
You are enjoying the drama,
Get a grip
grow up
stop being so self centered
stop blaming it all on your husband who you have already agreed is a good man. but now accuse him of leaving you alone. HE works ffs .... cake and eat it is really on your menu isnt it.

penguin73 · 05/06/2011 01:41

if you look back honestly how much have you involved DH and given him the chance to do the things you are heaping praise on X for doing?

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 01:41

Maybe he is ignoring your calls because he has a mate egging him on saying "ignore her"... have you tried ringing his mate yet?

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 01:42

your dh mate is a chancer,moves on best mate wife=wide boy.geezer
you mooning about like love struck teenager
whilst your dh goes out to work,works hard so you can fanny about in comfortably middle class life debating whether or not to fuck his mate?nice no worries life,you dont work and your biggest beef is oooh swoon his best mate.grow up

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