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Original poster

I'm in love with DH's best friend.

634 replies

Feronia · 04/06/2011 20:54

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 05/06/2011 00:05

No squeaky, actually i didnt, i read that post and that is exactly why i have given her a hard time, but i cant help but wonder, if he is so great, why is he out with the sort of fuckwit who thinks its ok to hit on his wife and then fucking off to golf all day tomorrow when you might think he would want to spend the day with his wife and daughter. I think the OP is behaving badly, but i think we should recognise that maybe she might be feeling a bit abandoned by he DH just now? Even if it isnt justified, what needs to happen is that this couple start being a couple again, being parents, together, and that takes two.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/06/2011 00:06

OK Feronia. But X obviously feels comfortable in texting you whilst he's with your DH. Don't you find that awful in any way? He's DH's friend. He can't even bring himself to stop doing this whilst he's in your husband's company.

If you'd rather get a pizza and stay in with DH then make that a 'date night', a chance to have a really good chat with him, a laugh and a reinforcement of what your relationship is about. That's what cements a marriage, not just the magic and sparkle of the beginning.

I'm guessing that you think we're all rather heartless of your feelings. We're not, take the advice to have a look on the relationships board and see the destruction that's evident on nearly every single thread. That could be your future too.

Whatever your relationship is with your DH, you speak kindly of him. We only know what he's like through what you've posted. By the same token, that scum-sucking-friend-cheating-heart-breaking-lying-shitface you refer to as X, is painted here from your words. We don't know him.

At the moment, Feronia, you have all the power and all the choices. Please don't be a casualty of this disgusting cad who is all too happy to seduce you when you are vulnerable and obviously at a low ebb.

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 00:06

Zippy - I do love my DH, and my baby is my life. I want to make it work.

I wish I didn't have such strong feelings for X, I wish I'd never met him. I hate feeling this miserable...

I've text DH asking him to come home. He probably won't reply, he's most likely annoyed from earlier.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 05/06/2011 00:07

Feronia - so what is it about your DH just now that is even making you look twice at the fuckwit lodger? What do you want to change?

penguin73 · 05/06/2011 00:09

Sunshine - the only reason he is out with his mate is because she changed her mind at the last minute and refused to go out with him - maybe she needs to realise that being a mother doesn't replace being a wife and her husband needs time with her as well as the baby.

SunshineisSorry · 05/06/2011 00:10

oh, i missed that penguin, he could have stayed home to though maybe?

penguin73 · 05/06/2011 00:13

Maybe, but I get the impression that they argued about it so maybe space was needed and the chance to off-load to his best mate (if only he knew!) Hard to say without knowing the full story.

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 00:15

It's not about my DH. He's not really changed, I have.

Of course I'd like him to work less, but he does provide me and my daughter with a beautiful life, so I can't complain.
I'd like to go to the zoo, to softplay and to the farm, the beach, with DH, and have him see her as happy as I see her, but of course he deserves to play golf, he works hard, and DD is hard work, everyone deserves a weekend.

I suspect everyone has these problems and they seem trivial, and yes, they are. Until you meet a man who thinks you are beautiful and funny and talks to you about things that aren't baby related, but who also takes an interest in your baby and let's you babble on incessantly about how she waves or claps or something else that a person with an actual life has no interest in whatsoever. He remembers things I say and films I wanted to see and books I like. But most of all he just makes me feel like my much happier self, and I haven't felt like that with DH since X moved in.

OP posts:
HorseWhisperer · 05/06/2011 00:15

You will DESTROY your husband.

your husband : kind, honourable, loyal, loving, supportive, chivalrous, considerate, funny charming

X chap : dishonest, philanderer, slimey, traitorous, duplicitous

You: immature, selfish, disloyal, narcissistic.

Your husband deserves better than this treachery. This X sounds horrible, a real sleazebag and you consider betraying your husband for him? Seriously wake up.

What you have in X is a man who is jealous of what your DH has, his life his wife, his child, his home. He wants to feel superior to your husband. He will take what is on offer and then humiliate and emasculate your husband in order to feel superior to him.

You and your DH are supposed to be a team, you are supposed to love, cherish and protect him. You should not allow another human being to devastate your husband's life like this.

zippy539 · 05/06/2011 00:15

Feronia - if that's the case then you need to realise that you've got CONTROL over this situation. As Lyingwitch says - you have all the power and the choices. If you genuinely want to make it work with DH then you send a text to this man telling him to stop contacting you then you change your phone/sim to a new number so he can't contact you privately. He'll kick up a fuss, door-step you when DH is out - do everything he can to 'win' you back - because that's what this is for him - a competition. Don't ever mistake it for anything more than that. Don't waver - ever. It'll hurt like hell but after a bit, providing you put the work in on yourself (work, friends) and your family (dh and dd) you'll wonder what you ever saw in him.
Been there and got the tee-shirt (pre-dh) and know it's tough but if you really want to make your family work then it's your call.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 05/06/2011 00:17

You have a small baby, youre hormones are all over the place. It sounds like you are lonely because DH is working hard to provide for you. We have all been there at some point. We haven't all shagged another bloke.
This bloke comes along and shows you attention. tries to get into your knickers
I agree with everyone else, you are INFATUATED with a PLAYER!
You are betraying your DH. He is working his arse off for you and you are playing around with his friend. you are letting him act like your DDs father, whilst her real father is out providing for you both.
GROW UP, GET A GRIP AND REALISE WHAT YOU ARE DOING BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE... Before you lose everything!

SunshineisSorry · 05/06/2011 00:17

Well yes, it leaves a really nasty taste doesnt it - scumbag fuckwit already said to OP that her DH has been talking about her all night. Probably gave him a hard on sitting there thinking yeah mate and i'll be comforting her tomorrow!

zippy539 · 05/06/2011 00:19

Everyone deserves a weekend.

Include yourself in that equation - you deserve a weekend with yout dh and family. Sit your dh down and talk about how you spend time together both as husband and wife and as a family.

QueeferSutherland · 05/06/2011 00:20

Just read this to DH.

He said X is an arsehole and you are perfect for each other.

Your DH is too good for both of you.

Your dh would probably love to go for long walks to the park with you, but he's too busy at work earning a wage.

SunshineisSorry · 05/06/2011 00:22

"I suspect everyone has these problems and they seem trivial, and yes, they are. Until you meet a man who thinks you are beautiful and funny and talks to you about things that aren't baby related, but who also takes an interest in your baby and let's you babble on incessantly about how she waves or claps or something else that a person with an actual life has no interest in whatsoever. He remembers things I say and films I wanted to see and books I like. But most of all he just makes me feel like my much happier self, and I haven't felt like that with DH since X moved in." Errr your DH thinks all of this about you he just doesnt have to make a big thing of it, it is demonstrated in all that he does for you.

You havent felt like it with DH since X moved in, you know, i give up - you are that self absorbed that you would throw away your family for a bit of a ego massage. You are very niave if you think these words translate to anything other than you being a bit of easy forbidden fruit. These scummy fuckers enjoy the challenge of the chase but its no better than a bunk up in the back alley after the nightclub closes - its sleazy and he is using your DD to get in your pants and you cant see it :( If i were you, this would be enough to make me not want to have him anywhere near me or my DD

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 00:27

Sunshine - can I just say? You are just lovely Hmm

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 05/06/2011 00:29

Why thankyou Feronia, very kind of you to say so - truth hurts doens't it

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 00:30

DH hasn't replied about coming home.

X keeps texting.

OP posts:
penguin73 · 05/06/2011 00:31

and what are you doing?

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 00:32

Sunshine, I'm not interested in an argument, I just wanted some help.

And you can't upset me with 'the truth'. I already know it, it's all I think about. You don't need to try to upset me, it's already done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 00:34

Penguin, I haven't replied. And now he knows something is wrong. I'm going to do all the deleting his number but I want to talk to DH first.

OP posts:
NoseyNooNoo · 05/06/2011 00:35

OP, you know what the right thing to do is i.e. turn off your phone and never repsond to X again. I also think your DH sounds lovely but he shouldn't still be out and ignoring you. That's just bad manners. You need to have some time together and learn to respect each other again.

fit2drop · 05/06/2011 00:35

reading his texts penguin73. Grin

Feronia how can you have a go at sunshine .... yet think that nobtard is bees knees with bells on

NoseyNooNoo · 05/06/2011 00:35

Why do you need to speak to DH before deleting X's number?

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 00:36

What help did you want? You seem to only want justification for your behaviour.

Why do you need to talk to your husband before deleting this mans number?

There are eight pages on this thread, and not once have you really shown that you feel bad for deceiving your husband.

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