I'm in love with DH's best friend.

[Feronia]

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

your indnigation extends to namecheck me?
but not to being an adulterous housewife or duplicitous
good your moral compass tell you how very dare i..but hey princess you do your thang

Because it sounds now OP like you are trying to justify your actions by saying that DH is distant and how he isn't answering your calls tonight.

It sounds like you want this to be your DH's fault.

Go to bed, speak with your DH tomorrow, tell this man you never want to speak to him again.

Two seperate issues really. You need to tell your DH about his mate and tell him how close he has come to losing it all.

Squeakytoy - I'm ignoring 'his mate'. So I'm not going to ring him. DH is just annoyed about earlier, hes getting my calls, he's just choosing not to talk to me, it would do no good to call X.

How is counselling going to make any difference. I cant see Feronia fessing up to her lustful greek tragedy fantasies to the counsellor in front of her husband, and that is the only thing that is the real problem in this relationship.

You can post anything you want Squeaky, I'm not telling you what you can or can't post. What I'm saying is that your thoughts on what constitutes a job are not relevant.

But you know your husband is out with this mate. Your husband knows you are good friends with this bloke (but doesnt know the full story you hope).. so it would be logical to ring him if you are trying to contact your husband.

If my husband wasnt home at 3am I would be ringing the hospitals, never mind his best mate.. but you dont seem too concerned.

Scottishmummy - you just seem to have some sort of issue. Did your boyfriend move to London and into his best friends house?

Jesus Christ - you'd think so at the venom you're giving.

you see,deflecting and blame others
youre good at it
must be practice

My baby is the centre of my world. Please don't stoop so low to suggest she's not. I've been with her every second since she was born and I love her more than anything else in this world. Don't be so cruel

OP, you are the one being cruel, sacrificing your daughter's life & her happiness for this.

a very comfortable life usually means no financial worries, not that a marriage is working just fine. anyway, good luck luck with it all. i hope your DH agrees to counselling.

Squeakytoy, he's probably at raffles which doesn't close till half four, which means he'll fall in the door at 4.45. If he's not here by then I'll worry about his well being.

bored housewife woohoo fantasy man
any opinion not concur you trash. aye truth hurts

No, her H doesn't listen to her and he also has some problem with her alleged moods. She is trying to get his attention and is being batted away like a nuisance. Granted some of what she has been doing has been guaranteed to fail and poorly timed, and yes, it is not possible to really try 100% while you think you have a realistic Plan B in the wings. If counselling is going to happen and they are both going to work on things, then there can be no Plan B for either one of them.

If my exH (who had his faults but at least he didn't try this) had overruled me and invited a completely unknown friend of his from college to stay for 2 months right after DD1 was born I would have had his guts for garters. This man was there apparently right from the getgo after she had an EMCS and was trying to establish breastfeeding.

If you do not want to destroy your marriage, walk away from this guy. You will regret all of this later on, and feel really despicable. You have infatuation, not love. Love takes time to grow. How can you love so me one who would betray your husband, his best friend?
Tell the guy you can't be around him any longer.

Good luck

Does he stay out late much, OP?

Math, she soon got over her issues with the lodger....

Mathanxiety, he usually works late, he only really stays out 'fun' late on weekends.

She did. But she was mad with the H all the same. Gave him a foot in the door.

OP what sort of fun time do you get with other friends (not the OM)?

Squeakytoy - your attitude to me is so unhelpful and unfair. I really don't think you've understood my posts.

Mathanxiety - I don't really go out, but it's my choice, I hate leaving my daughter. I just worry the whole time so don't enjoy it anyway.

Oh I have understood them Feronia. Very well.

op,cant you see a theme here. really
much as it has an ouch factor cant you see any recurrent themes...
like you misguided, pal poon hound?

You see, the one thing that doesnt add up is, if you love your daughter so much, I dont see how you have even found time to fall so madly in love with your Adonis.....

Think about this, if you run off with him, you will be leaving your daughter on a regular basis, when her father has her.

I don't think he's trying to hurt my DH

Nor is he trying not to hurt your dh. He actually doesn't care who gets hurt, your & your dd included, because he won't be there for the fall out.

I'm sitting in my house, by myself, looking after DD while he is out drinking and ignoring me Because he is pissed off that you cancelled on him probably, he can gone on your joint date solo. And you are mad at him for that, but you can't see the irony....that if not for X, you would be out together, instead you are trying to get all of us to badmouth your dh for 'abandoning' you!