Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm in love with DH's best friend.

634 replies

Feronia · 04/06/2011 20:54

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
penguin73 · 05/06/2011 02:16

Stop making excuses for your behaviour by trying to find fault with him - there are no excuses for what you and his best friend are up to and you really need to see that before you can even begin to move on.

Morloth · 05/06/2011 02:17

So follow squeaky's advice upthread and call this 'mate' and ask him to give the phone to DH.

That is a perfectly normal thing to do if you need to get hold of someone and their phone is off.

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 02:17

No, it isnt a "job", it is a choice of lifestyle. Walks in the park, shopping trips, and plenty of free time to spend with a man who isnt your husband, hardly constitutes a job does it?

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:18

i dont consider schmoozing best pal working
youre working your lines honey and not much else
this is all about you, your inability to communicate and teen crush on another man

sort your marriage
lose the geezer
if being a housewife makes you so duplicitous then yes do get a job.soon

differentnameforthis · 05/06/2011 02:20

And (I don't like it but) he's constantly talking about how he's there for my DD
and DH isn't.

Wow, what an arse! You dh isn't there as much as this guy because your dh is working to keep a roof over all your heads, where as X is working at getting you into bed. What better way than to show you how much he 'loves' your dd!?? That is a low blow from this so called friend! The alarm bells are deafening me! Sounds like he is trying his best to distance you from your dh, will make his move & then he'll be gone.

I am sorry that you can't see what we can.

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:23

if fancy man is so there,discuss finances,leaving and he play daddy.and pay bills
see how he take that

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 02:24

out of curiousity, who was meant to be babysitting tonight? not the other man by any chance?

Morloth · 05/06/2011 02:27

But we don't know him differentnameforthis!

We can't see how special he is and how this is all so very different from anything that has happened before!

We are just not seeing how this is a huge and exciting love story and how her heart will just break if she can't have them both.

Blah blah blah, as I said earlier it is the same standard sordid little story that is repeated again and again, and I have never ever heard of a 'happy' outcome for any of the players with the possible exception of the guy who gets his rocks off and then takes off when he is expected to shoulder the responsibility for the family.

He can then just walk away can't he? He smashes the family, gets his shag, kid isn't his, so no need to worry about her once he is bored. He can get a new best mate.

Nevermind that a family will be broken and a little girl will need to split her time between households.

All that matters is that the OP gets her 'love' story and this guy gets his shag.

He kissed his best mate's wife. That alone tells you everything you need to know about him.

If DH's mate kissed me, he would be looking for his fucking teeth.

cantspel · 05/06/2011 02:27

Even people who work for themselves cant drop everything at the drop of a hat. maybe it would have been better to check with your oh rather than his secretary.
he is not home now as he is out with x who is probably busy telling your oh how unreasonable you are and telling him to stand his ground and make a point then tomorrow he can be your knight in tarnished armour ready to sweep you off your feet and get you flat on your back.

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:28

Squeakytoy - are you having a laugh? Being a mum is hard work. Don't disrespect everyone who is raising a child just because you want to get a rise out of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:29

My SIL was going to babysit.

OP posts:
penguin73 · 05/06/2011 02:30

OK I'm giving up now (but am taking bets that the next instalment of this involves the 'romance' progressing and the OP feeling guilty and confused about having slept with X....if anyone wants a small wager?)

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:31

lol,your hard work is your ego workout
and whom will you embroil in your pant dropping dramas

differentnameforthis · 05/06/2011 02:32

And it's about how much we fight now

Have the fights started more since X came on the scene? If so, I'd say that that is your guilt showing, you're probably distancing your dh because you want to be with X, not have the inconvenience of a long term marriage. And simply because your dh isn't X.

Consider this, you & your dh had a date tonight. You blew him off because of how you feel over X, your dh sees it as another rejection/another of your moods. Soon, he will just stop trying. It will not get better, because the more you want X the more you will reject your dh. The more you reject your dh, the more distance you create between the 2 of you.

Eventually, you will sleep with X & he will be gone. Then you will have a huge divide in your marriage that you can't fix & you will be alone, Even if you stay together, things will never be the same & you may even go through life trying to replace X with anyone who will give the time of day, because you can't stand the void in your life, where your husband used to be.

Morloth · 05/06/2011 02:32

Will X get a job to support you if you do this OP? Or will you need to go back to work?

Have you thought through all of the realities of this 'love' story.

Really thought about them?

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 02:32

I know plenty of people who are raising ONE child, who live "comfortably".. and believe me, it is not all that hard when you have no financial worries and plenty of time to go out doing what you like during the day.

Most of the ones I know dont have a husband who gets up and makes breakfast for everyone before he goes to work either.

Oh, and most of them arent swanning around with their husbands best mate, who they "are madly in love with" either....

mathanxiety · 05/06/2011 02:32

If this man had any regard for anyone, he would not have imposed himself on you or your DH so soon after you had such a traumatic birth.

If your DH had had any sense he would not have let him. If he had had the ability to listen to you he would not have thought this could be anything but a really bad idea.

You need to go to counselling. Forget turning up unannounced at your H's office and suggesting something on the spur of the moment. That was a move guaranteed to just annoy. It was not a bona fide attempt to fix things. Tell your DH you both need to go to counselling because the relationship is not working for you.

Squeakytoy, et al, your thoughts on what is or is not a job are not relevant to this thread.

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:35

I really really don't get the disdain and (looking at you Scottishmummy) stupidity I'm getting? I've already said I'm not going to see X anymore??!
I'm trying to get hold of DH.
I'm going to speak to him tomorrow and ask him not to go to golf, but to spend some time with me.

So what's the rest of the problem?

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 05/06/2011 02:37

We can't see how special he is and how this is all so very different from anything that has happened before!

Oh how I wish that were true, morloth. Unfortunately, I as there, while pg with dd1, I had left dh as I didn't think he wanted baby (antenatal depression) & this guy (married, I found out a while after) just poured the compliments/attention on! Fully sucked in, I was! Thankfully I had a good friend who persisted at me before anything physical happened (not even a kiss) and warned me off. This guy then went for another lass who wasn't so lucky. He wrecked her life, but his wife remained with him, choosing to believe that it was all the girls fault.

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 02:37

Please dont tell me what I should or shouldnt post mathanxiety Hmm

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:37

you're the middle class wife of prosperous man
you are indulging a masturbatory fantasy about geezer pal

ask the fancy man about set up home with you,him and dd...how will those finances work?ask him. go on

squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 02:38

I'm trying to get hold of DH.

Tried ringing his mate yet then???

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:38

Mathanxiety - counselling is a good idea. I'm really going to talk to him tomorrow. I want to fix things, I don't want to feel like this anymore.

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 05/06/2011 02:39

Maybe we see how sucked in you are, op? We see that you said you won't see him again, but what happens the next time you feel lonely/dh works away.....

You need to get over X, because he is the type that will come running any time you call, just to achieve his goal!

cantspel · 05/06/2011 02:39

her marriage was working just fine until best mate decided he wanted to mess things up. The op has already said her oh a great husband and father and she doesn't want him to change so what is counselling going to achieve?

Or maybe they can tell the op to stop with the mills and boon romance as well.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread