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Original poster

I'm in love with DH's best friend.

634 replies

Feronia · 04/06/2011 20:54

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/06/2011 01:42

No doubt when it all comes out, you will blame your husband for all this happening because he invited the mate to stay in the first place... I get a distinct feeling that none of this will be your fault, will it.

mathanxiety · 05/06/2011 01:43

You are unhappy. Your DH is not a great H. You have drifted into something that is serving to underline all the faults he has as far as being a H goes. It is also preferable to indulge in the romance than to confront your H and work together on the relationship. Please give the relationship a chance. Commit to confront and speak your mind. Leave your comfort zone and let him know it is important that he get engaged in the process of fixing what's wrong.

Please understand that a man who would do what this friend of yours is doing to his best mate and a married woman with a new baby will do the same to you one day. He's an opportunist.

Morloth · 05/06/2011 01:43

Probably because his best 'mate' is laughing and talking about being under the thumb and ensuring there is something for you to cry on his shoulder about tomorrow.

Forget about it tonight, turn your phone off and go to bed. Tell your DH that you need to speak with him tomorrow.

When scumbag calls you tomorrow, tell him that you are not interested in speaking with him ever again. Do not tell him you will be telling your husband everything because you can bet your arse he will be on the phone to your DH to drip poison asap.

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 01:46

family live off your husband wages,but you bemoan his efforts?
a wide boy staying rent free is appealing?
the wideboy sees you a easy safe lay. a grateful mum

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:50

Penguin, I've really tried to involve him. I always suggest days out at the weekend with our DD and try to talk to him about feeding then weaning, then teething now not walking. I really try. He adores our daughter, but in a much more laid back way than I do. I walked to his office and suggested we all go to a restaurant we love, two minutes away, and he said he didn't have time. I booked tickets to the lion king, again, close to out house, but he said he couldn't leave for that long as a friend was due. I've really tried.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:51

Scottishmummy, my family don't live off of his wages, he has helped one of my brothers.

OP posts:
fit2drop · 05/06/2011 01:54

methan OP has admitted her DH is a good caring hard working man who gets up with the baby and does the whole breakfast thing too. She is totally "princessed" by him, She has said he is a great DH.

she is a bored HW, flattered by attention from nobtard with the scruples of a horny hog in horny hog season

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 01:56

you need to keep your pants on and calm down
hpw are you going to support famulily have you looked into nurseries?get back to work sometime - or is your dh the man who works whilst you enact a bodice ripper with slimy mate

Morloth · 05/06/2011 01:57

You need to tell him the truth Feronia, he needs to know.

He needs to know how you are feeling about him and how you are feeling about X, it all needs to be laid out so it can all be dealt with.

He needs to know that you feel a bit neglected and unloved, this doesn't excuse your behaviour with X, but your DH can't change anything if you don't tell him, can he?

My DH has the sensitivity of a brick, I need to tell him things clearly, with no hinting, no hoping he will guess. I need to say 'You have been working too much, I miss you and feel we are growing apart a bit'. As DH works 12 hours a day most days and if often away on business this happens sometimes. But we work it out. Because I promised him when I married him that there would not be anyone else.

He can't change it if he doesn't know it is a problem. Don't book tickets or suggest lunch because that way you may end up fobbed off, tell him straight up what the problem is.

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 01:57

family=you,dh and baby
hes working to maintain that
youre romanticising his best pal

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 01:58

Scottishmummy are you pissed? I don't get your post at all.

OP posts:
radancer · 05/06/2011 01:58

came a bit late to this, but actually i think your DH sounds a bit controlling. what are all the arguments about? DH not spending time with you and your DD? how are you going to resolve the arguments? ask X to give you some space for two or three weeks while you clear your head. no phone calls, no texting, no contact. if his feelings are worthwhile he will. ask him what those feelings are. he sounds a bit weird, texting you while he's with your DH.

fit2drop · 05/06/2011 01:58

Im sorry Feronia but your 1:50:34 post.

Do you really think that 2 attempts is REALLY trying

OMG.if you think that is "really trying , then its doomed.

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 01:59

go plan return to work
housewifery make you too horny

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:00

Fit2drop - those were examples

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:02

there's a lot you dont get
such as adultery
and mooning about over a geezer

differentnameforthis · 05/06/2011 02:03

You are not in love with him. You are in love with the life you think he represents.

I would be very wary, he is happily coming on to the married wife of his best friend, wanted to stay over when your dh was away.

He is playing on your insecurities, he sees the vulnerable you & is making his move. Sorry to say, that even if you do love him, he does not love you & merely sees an opportunity.

Protect yourself & your family & stop seeing him, delete his numbers. I would bet my life on it, that he means more to you, than you do to him.

fit2drop · 05/06/2011 02:04

ok so you can do examples... now thats a start
try setting one for your DD... start with loyalty and respect for her Daddy. who along with his daughter is the innocent party in this

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:05

tell fancy man you want to be with him
he support you and dd
see how he reacts?

penguin73 · 05/06/2011 02:06

You need to compromise, come up with things that you both want to do at a time to suit you and you can only do this by communicating! You have got through 10 years before this eejit came along so there must have been some good times - think what these were and how you can get back to that, and ignore the distractions being put in front of you.

cantspel · 05/06/2011 02:09

maybe your oh doesn't want to talk about weening, feeding and teething. You were his wife before you were a mother and maybe he wants to have discussions more in tune with your pre baby day.
If he has a responsible job you cant just turn up at his office and expect him to be free.
talk to the bloke and tell him you want more time with him but when you get that time remember it is not all just about weening and baby.
Great as it is being a parent no man or woman should forget that they are a husband or wife first.

scottishmummy · 05/06/2011 02:10

you must have worked you?know v few can just do family lunch in work time?
cut your dh slack, he works.you dont
you romanticise opportunistic encounters with his pal

Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:13

So I shouldn't be able to talk to my husband about worries about our child?

It's now 2.10 by the way, and not home, not answering the phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:14

Scottishmummy - DH is his own boss, he could leave for lunch if he wanted to. I checked with his secretary about his diary and she thought it was a great idea to pop in for lunch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feronia · 05/06/2011 02:15

And Scottishmummy - you don't consider raising a child a job?

OP posts:
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