aibu to ask what you really think of nurseries and their staff

[questioningmouse]

honestly

My ds goes to a Children's Centre nursery - the staff are all highly qualified and well paid, the nursery care is fantastic. He's not loved there like he is at home of course but he's well taken care of.

I also work in early years, and have worked in crap nurseries full of thick, disinterested staff and brilliant nurseries full of motivated, dedicated staff - and also alright nurseries with sweet girls who like just playing with children.

I think the defensive reactions from those who use nurseries they are happy with is to be expected. Those who don't chose to/have to use nurseries that get all pious and cat bum face are attacking at a deep level parental choices of those that use nurseries.
Wonder if the piousness and cat bum ness is due to an over active defence mechanism about not being able to get a job that pays enough to warrant doing it and using childcare quite frankly. Otherwise I can't understand why people would feel qualified to speak about every child and every nusery with such conviction when they themselves have never used it! Beggars belief.

P.s as I said earlier , my boys didn't go to nursery anyway- though there is a fabulous one locally and if I could have afforded it they'd have been there like a shot! I think they would have positively benefited from it!

Well said pommed !

lynehamrose Sat 04-Jun-11 17:11:03
Your last paragraph shows that you are talking crap troisgarcons- the parents are NOT paying peanuts- nurseries are an expensive form of childcare, so parents are not going to pay if they're not happy. The parents pay way more than the wages of staff - didnt you realise? I cant imagine many parents paying for their children to be put to bed in cages lol
Oh go on- now you're going to tell me the parents knew nothing about this and you're some undercover agent...

No dimwit - the nurseries pay their staff peanuts

Some nurseries do trois, especially private nurseries - Children's Centres often pay very well though.

To be honest pommedechoclat from what I have seen on this thread it is a fairly balanced discussion on the subject. I can't actually see much catsbumness or piousness on this thread at all. We were asked for our opinions and we gave them, some people don't want to send their kids to nursery or it is not a situation that has arisen for them, they have explained why, this does not have to be taken as an attack on the choices of those who HAVE chosen to use nurseries, though you seem intent on seeing it that way. The only person who seems to be attacking on this thread is you. You sound really angry actually.

"so there is nothing magical which says a child of 3 needs to only be with people who love it, but once they turn 4 and start school, then they are fine with a capable and good(but not loving ) reception class teacher."

I strongly disagree. I think that there is a huge difference in the type of care that best suits a pre-verbal child and that which suits a verbal child. So there is a "magical" age when a group setting with a teacher becomes a appropriate.

The nusery we use is just amazing - amazing staff. Amazing kids, amazing parents. The head is switched on.

Brilliant - brilliant and brilliant again. I agree that staff should get paid more though.

We are very lucky that the nursery is this warm fantastic environment with extremely hard working expert staff. I will forever be indebted to this place.

I actually supposedly work in a high paid stressful job which actually pays me well and I have learnt a great deal from observing just how well run the nursery is and how well motivated and valued the staff are and taken some ideas into my workplace.

GastonTheLadybird - what a disgusting attitude. Assuming intelligence goes with a job. Get with the real world. Nursery staff are underpaid because it is traditionally seen as a female job which is underpaid because of this reason.

pommedechocolat - i don't like nurseries but I am a qualified teacher so could certainly afford to put DS in a nursery if I so choose.

Oh I missed that horribly aggressive suggestion bit about not being able to afford to put our dc in nursery. I couldn't put mine in pommedechoclat as he has ASD and has had to move school three times already. Also I cannot get a job as I need to be available for him 24/7 so I suppose technically you are right, I would not be able to afford to put my dc in nursery.

Just wanted to add that DS1 was at home with me until he started school aged nearly 5. He had only been cared for (or even babysat) by me and DH. People kept warning me that it was a huge mistake but I knew my own child and knew that he was ready to move away from we into a wider setting so was able to do it happily and with confidence. I know that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford for one parent to be at home with the kids whilst they are small but we truly do believe that there is a mental security and an inner confidence which comes from no separation anxiety in the early years.

It is not fashionable or PC to say so, but no nursery worker could replicate the experience that we have given our DCs in their early years.

Nursery staff are underpaid because it is traditionally seen as a female job which is underpaid because of this reason.

or because it needs no special skills and anyone can do it

shirleyshortcut - I agree and as a teacher I can tell you that there is often the same attitude to teaching (also a female dominated profession).

"Wonder if the piousness and cat bum ness is due to an over active defence mechanism about not being able to get a job that pays enough to warrant doing it and using childcare quite frankly"

I was on £40k a year before I gave up work. Not a vast fortune, but certainly enough to pay nursery fees. When I worked with my first DC she went to a childminder for 15 hours a week. She could have gone to a nursery, of course, I certainly could have afforded it. I just didn't want to send her there.

beertricks - are you saying that people should only have children if they have A levels or above then?

Surely in the early years a compassionate, fun and energetic, enthusiastic and caring personality is the best?

I have a PhD and I wouldn't be the best person to look after a room of toddlers

Laughing out loud at the idea that being a nursery nurse needs no special skills and is "easy". When did patience, enthusiasm and kindness not count as special skills? Not to mention the ability to cheerfully do craft with toddler without shouting "look at the mess"!

The nursery nurses at my DC's nursery are part of their special circle of people. They love them, they know them, and they have provided excellent care and nurturing.
Some nurseries are crap; conversely some are wonderful.

Shirley Shortcut - now I disagree I think people like you may consider raising and taking care of children to be of no value in economic terms but actually taking care of children is incredibly important in my book. Just because the skills or nursery teachers and teachers are not adequately valued in terms of our economy does not change the fact that you do need skill to look after children and help them develop.

I went to an open day for a nursery recently. Don't think the staff needed A levels at all. It would be nice if their speech was grammatically correct though.

A lovely girl chatted to my DD and it was all "oh, you was at the park earlier was you?" etc.

At least when you choose a childminder you can choose one who can speak properly.

Troisgarcons- if parents pay high nursery rates, why are they going to put up with poor standards? Your whole post about cages is a crock of wotsit!

Dear me, there are an awful lot of people who have never used nurseries who seem to have expert inside knowledge lmao

"Not to mention the ability to cheerfully do craft with toddler without shouting "look at the mess"!"

I could not agree more! My dd is in pre school now and I am happy daily that I no longer have to do "craft" said through gritted teeth with her. Every day I would say shall we go swimming, to the park, bake cakes or as a very last resort painting, hmm dd? How about the park, yes, the park, sounds good to me, lets go!" before painting could even register as an option.

Am I angry? Yep. First off I am on my period which quite frankly turns me into the ice queen from hell for a couple of days and second because I think the way a certain type of person talks about nursery as if it was child abuse is shit quite frankly. I agree with lynehamrose - a lot of faux expertise around.

Also £40k for full time work is not a helluva lot for full time nursery fees. Nursery fees a £1k minimum leaving you with £1400 for 20 days work. £70 a day approx. I wouldn't be convinced by that option myself.

To be fair though most people on here have not talked about it as though it is "child abuse" to send your child to nursery. Mostly people have stated their opinion as requested by the OP. I do understand though that it must be exhausting to have to defend your position all the time. I know how that feels, I really do because my dc has an "invisible" disability and if I get asked in that semi aggressive tone when I am "going to get back to work, now the kids are at school?" one more time I may just rip someones head off. I don't judge anyone for the childcare choices they make in good faith, I honestly don't. For myself and my dc and our situation, Nursery would not have suited us and I am glad we didn't have to do it.