aibu to ask what you really think of nurseries and their staff

[questioningmouse]

honestly

Don't be ridiculous pommedechocolat - I could easily afford nursery if I wanted to, I chose not to. I wouldn't put a baby in nursery if it cost £50 a month.

Good posts pommed

I think you misread my post anyway pomme - I said I was earning £40k while DD was with a c/m for 15 hours a week, i.e. I wasn't working full time.

Still would never put her in a nursery as a baby though. NEVER. Over three, I would and am considering it, but put a baby in a baby room at nursery, no, never. And that has fuck all to do with not being able to afford it. I CHOSE not to.

I see you have your own personal cheerleader on her anyway pommed .

It is just a bit tedious to read the same old smug "I haven't used nursery because nursery is BAD for children" which suggests that said parent is SO much better than those who do. I think my children are more confident and happy because they went to nursery from a very young age, but obviously I don't KNOW because I don't have a direct comparison.

Why not Smokey? You seem very against it...for what reason?

I am a SAHM and used a nursery for my children 1 day a week of 6 hours from age 1, to enable me to get certain things done that can be very hard with 2 young children (dental hygeinist, sealing a limestone floor, getting a coil put in...you get the drift, nothing exciting or glamorous!)

They both really loved it and I never got tears when I left, nor did they look particularly relieved when I turned up to take them home - they were always happily embroiled and when my son started talking he used to say "just 5 more minutes" and all that kind of stuff.

Fact is I didn't HAVE to send them there so unless they were anything other than happy and settled, I wouldn't have.

The nursery we use is very good, and the staff are very concientious. They are quite intelligent, articulate, and literate as well. They are very affectionate.

The nursery is clean, and "aspirational" in terms of the things they do with the children - its brilliant.

My son is at preschool now which he also loves but he always asks to go in when I collect my daughter, and often wants to stay. They love it. And as I'm not leaving them there 10 hours a day 5 days a week, I really don't feel the need to overthink it - its a fun place to go where I can leave the premises, get some stuff done, and come back 6 hours later to happy, fulfilled and content children. It was a choice I made which I could un-make at any time but there was no need to do so.

But people are surely entitled to post their opinions, if they DO believe nursery is bad for children, just as much as those who think nursey is the best thing for their child? These threads always go the same way it seems, if you choose not to go down the outside Childcare route you are labelled "smug" and not really permitted a voice without an aggressive reponse.

Why don't I like nurseries for babies?

Well, obviously it's only my opinion and I know others don't agree but I hate the idea of institutionalising small children, babies especially. I've got friends who put babies under one into nursery and lectured at length about what a great environment it was for them because of all the structured activities/learning/trips out etc.

I've always wondered how someone can look after a BABY for 8 or 9 months, knowing how they are happy to play with a saucepan or a DVD case, being fed when they feel like it, being close to their mothers or fathers or siblings or whatever and then believe that a group environment where they are lined up in highchairs to be bed at the same time is the 'right' kind of environment for them.

I know I'll be ripped to shreds for voicing that opinion but I don't remotely give a shit. I HATE this institutionalising of small children and you can read it here right on this thread. Oh , the HORRORS of them having to endure the school run! They are babies, they do not need structured activities schedules at that age and I truly, hand on heart, do not believe that it benefits them.

And before the morons rip in to me without reading what I wrote - I do not like BABIES in NURSERIES. I am not criticising the use of childminders or nannies for babies.

But no-one who uses a nursery says it is better than being at home. Opinions are one thing, value judgements are another. An opinion could be "I don't use nurseries because they don't feel right for me/I want to stay at home" etc That's entirely fine; my problem is with those posts that say nursery is universally bad and damaging when patently it isn't because my children have thrived there. There ore those posts are simply factually inaccurate.

I can't actually see any posts on this thread that say that clemett. It all seems to be opinions to me.

Lined up in highchairs???
Speak for yourself, our local nursery is nothing like that!

Smokey, there are no highchairs at my nursery and all the babies are in a different routine. That's the bonus of having four babies and two staff

I pretty much agree with your opinions smokey.

I don't think anyone has said nursery is BETTER than home- because its not an alternative is it??!!!!

However, I do believe that a combination of home and nursery could very well be a more enriching experience overall than just home. I wish I could have afforded our local, excellent nursery

Did you read crapola's comments??

But where have you got the idea that all babies are institutionalised in nurseries

Ok so my nursery has key meal times but milk is available whenever (as is water) and they will often say they offer something to eat at non 'meal times'. He sleeps when he wants to, often in their arms, sometimes in a bouncy chair, other times in a cot or in a quiet pillowy area.

They do not go on trips out or have scheduled activities for the babies . In fact one of their biggest things they do with them is 'treasure basket' where they get out random objects like saucepans, scrubbing brushes, feathers, whatever and let them explore.

It is certainly no different to a childminders and to be honest I sometimes think he gets more attention on days in nursery as there are no boisterous preschoolers running about!

One of the first things they ask on booking is for a rough guide of what your baby likes, where they like to sleep and roughly when and they genuinely keep to that.

And...I do not believe my baby benefits from nursery...but I do not believe it causes harm either. Big difference.

As I said earlier, I looked at a nursery recently, and I saw the baby room. There were 9 babies in it. That it about as far removed from a 'natural' environment as I can imagine.

I don't care what the staff ratios are, if a baby is being looked after at home OR IN A HOME ENVIRONMENT then they will not be one of 9 babies, they simply won't. I don't believe that kind of environment comes anywhere near to replicating how a baby would be brought up either at home with a parent or nanny or in another home with a childminder.

I, PERSONALLY, find it extremely unnatural and unpleasant and wouldn't want MY BABY (not talking about anyone else's) to be in that environment.

shirleyshortcut are you serious? you dont think working in a nursery requires any skills? okay then how about you do my job do you think you understand the eyfs completly and every child matters how about the local safeguarding procedures and how to use cornflour and speakers to teach children about different stages of matter or how about to engage a room full of children and keep them motivated to learn new things and become independant children no skills needed huh bollocks

smokeyandthebanjo really are you on some form of medication? you think nurseries institutionalized seriously what is wrong with you do you think we are teaching them how to be a little army that all children who have attended nursery are infact sleeper agents for the nursery army no because that would be crazy and babies dont get structured activities they get activites planned to help them develop and they do activities not usually done at home big paddling pools filled with jelly or playing with shaving foam and its usually the trained professionals at the nursery who will spot if something is not right and have had more training than childminders who by the way often have a wide range of ages being looked after by one person how is that stimulating? how is that better than being around children of a similar age so the care is more targeted at the individual child

these are the only two posters on here that have made me think some people need medication and i am usually so level headed

DS goes to a nursery and he loves it and I feel very happy leaving him there. He has pretty severe asthma, and being 18 months can't verbalise how he is feeling but they always respond quickly and well if there is a problem.

He always comes out happy and smiley - and clean - and we have never had any problems.

Wow, don't lose your cool over my opinion questioningmouse, there really is no need on my account.

"Targetted activities to help babies develop" is just not my thing, ok? BABIES, under 18 months, personally, I don't think they need that.

Oh and the nursery follow DS routine happily. Before now they have sat and held him in there arms while he slept. Babies sleep when they want, they are fed when they are normally fed.

From what I have heard of others experiences at good nurseries that is pretty much standard practice.

Damn just lost my post.

I think you saw a bad nursery smokey. Certainly not 9 babies lined up here.

Out of 8 at any one time

3 usually asleep
2 probably feeding / changing

Then two small groups

3 doing 'activity' such as treasure basket
2 crawling / being cuddled / 'reading' books

So they are in smaller groups again

Respect your opinion / choice, just think you are generalising.

Ok so being around 3 - 4 other babies might not be comon place but why would it be abnormal / damaging if there are enough adults? And calm?

so you dont do anything to help your baby develop no? you dont sing to them or talk to them or play peek a boo no? those are all activities to help your baby develop and for the nursery workers to check on the development of a child to see if there is a delay or what needs more attention targeted activities are not a scary thing they are small things that add to the whole person the baby will become