aibu to ask what you really think of nurseries and their staff

[questioningmouse]

honestly

Do some non-nursery-using mothers really hang out on a regular basis, checking up on the snot situation of children being collected from nursery? Wow . Scary.

Cookie.....I was at the same place twice a day for at least twenty minutes each time. It was not nursery picking up time, I happen to know a few people who removed their children from this chain of nurseries.

I only have experience from age 2, going to local preschool. Provision is mostly private around here (very few nurseries attached to schools or state stand-alones) and so they are v flexible. Ours is available 9-4 Mon-thurs and half day fri.

The one we use is fantastic. The people who work there are all kind, patient and great with the children. They show genuine affection for the children and it's tears all round at the end of term party every year! They look after the children so well, they are very quick to step in if there are any arguments over toys or anything like that and children who are overbearing to others are kept in line. They keep a really close eye on things and run a very tight ship. I think they are great, DD1 loves it there and I'm hoping DD2 will as well when she starts her 2 mornings a week in Sept

FWIW I find looking after young children hard, hard, hard. I really appreciate the skill set and talent of people who do this job and do it well. Herding gangs of 2 or 3 yo around would be my idea of hell so for that they get a mighty round of applause from here

I'm yet to find one I'm happy with entirely, but that's just my area.

I tried to put ds in one last year and it was horrid. He had a 'key worker' who pretty much just ignored him the whole time he was there, there was no effort made to get to know me or my son, which I would imagine would be essential. Nobody knew what he liked/didn't, what his 'words' were, or really, anything about him. He was one of the older children for that room and had speech, could walk etc, but nobody talked to him or made any effort to include him.

In the settling in I was allowed to stay 5 mins the first day then I left him for 2 hours - was pushed out of the door by the owner! I know that seperation anxiety is high and mostly normal, but when I came back he was still crying. 2 whole hours. My feeling was that 2 hours is a long time - he should have been consolable in that time! He was used to strangers and reacted really well to kindness and comfort from adults who tried to engage with him.
The next day they did the same, telling me this was normal - not to me it wasn't. I'd never seen him so upset. He was absolutely inconsolable for about an hour after we picked him up again. I had an uneasy feeling about it all.

The day after that, we went again: 'oh the crying -it's normal, it's normal - oh look what your ds did yesterday', points to beautiful stamped picture of coloured in hearts - it was perfect. Glittered. On the wall. Yeah right! He was 15 months old and I'd seen his attempts at 'artwork' before - he dfinitely never did that! Lots of pressure on me to pay the deposit - contract stated once we paid the deposit we had to pay a month's fees whether ds went or not.
Dscried all the way there, all the time I left him. When I came back to pick him up he was still crying. On his own. In the corner of the room.
I was crying by that time - I felt horrible. It wasn't worth that.

So we found a playgroup/toddlers instead. My big happy boy suddenly became less confident, terrified I would leave the room and a nightmare for months after. I never felt at any time like the staff really cared about my boy - and I am by no means a precious mother, I'm very much for chucking my kids in somwhere and letting them get on with it. But there was just something that didn't tally about that place.

It was just a bad experience, but I just couldn't justify it. So now I've come to the conclusion that, despite the fact I can't afford it now anyway (!), if I had to use childcare for a younger child, it would be a childminder. Older children I think, would get on much better in a more social setting - in fact I reckon my ds would thrive in one now. A fair mix is needed I think. But each to their own. Different strokes for different folks.

Have to admit though, my nursery experience has put me right off!

lynehamrose its not about validation i have written my degree dissertation on this and already handed it in so im not using mumsnet as my focus group or selection of community but it just shocks me that people still have the mind set that nursery work is for stupid people see the spelling nvq thread which turned into well people who fail at school HAVE to do vocational qualifications but failed to mention the people who excell at school and still want to do vocational qualifications but they are seen to have been aiming higher because its only the people at the bottom who want to be a nursery worker

so i asked a very open ended question to see the answers and just to invite the discussion as to why nursery workers are seen to be at the bottom of the academic heap and most peoples opinions are that of noone should aspire to be a nursery worker if they can do anything "better" so someone with 12 a GCSES shouls aspire to be a teacher not a nursery worker but someone with 6 e GCSES should straight away think nursery worker

Crapola - you're talking about a chain that wasn't up to scratch. It's mindblowingly ignorant to take that experience and blow it up to a universal standard. Fwiw though ime as a parent noses run pretty fast. If I had 10 to wipe it would take me a minute or two to get round but then again last time I looked snot was not carcinogenic, poisonous or explosive!

I guess it depends on location aswell. I'm guessing that in smaller towns it is more likely to have wonderfull nursery workers who stay for many years. In London the good ones will move into nannying as the wages will be tempting.

The 'love' thing, i think some people have very high expectations from caring proffessionals. No nursery worker, nurse or doctor has to love you or to love your children. If you have to use them you should be treated well. Not be loved, just treated well, which is enough.

Your dissertation was on what people think of nurseries and their staff?

We have been very happy with our nursery. The staff were mostly wonderful and really "got" the personalities of my children. I always felt they were safe and well looked after and never worried when I was at work. I have felt a lot more unhappy and anxious about my children going to school where the teachers seem to have too many children in the class to look after individual needs and don't see it as their job to "care" for the children even when these children are as little as 4 and 5 years old. I have much more respect for and have seen a lot more people who are great at their job in nurseries than I have seen in the school my children have attended.

It has never crossed my mind that nursery staff should love my children either and I much rather the staff played with my children than ran after them with tissues to wipe snot.

If you have written a dissertation on this subject already, why are you posing the question on MN? Presumably you have already researched the issue of public perceptions of nursery workers, written it up and drawn conclusions ?

Sorry, but I am less convinced about your motives now....

peppa my dissertation was called "The effect of how nurseries and nursery practitioners perceived in todays society"

sorry i forgot the are so its meant to be

"The effect of how nurseries and nursery practitoners are perceived in todays society"

lynehamrose: trust me its already completed and in especially due to uni closing for the summer very very soon but i just was looking for maybe a different point of view from different people around the country due to the fact people are more brutually honest online about why they think the way they do so i started this thread so i wouldnt take over the bad spelling nvq thread

To get on to the HNC of Childcare and Education, I had to have standard grade English and Maths at Grade 3 or above. It's certainly not an easy course and our class had a high drop out.

I worked in all the rooms before leaving on Maternity Leave. Each room is different in the way it worked but there was always enough care and love to go round and even now in a school nursery, I often take time to sit and read stories to the children on my knee etc.

I've met some numpties in my time and in my experience they tend to be weedled out very quickly by the most experienced people.

People also seem to think we just play with children all day long. No one ever considers how long we spend doing observations on the children and then using these towards the class planning. The job definitely has a lot more paperwork than when I started out, 18 years ago.

I visited quite a few nurseries as there was no space in the nursery for my dd as so many mums had second babies, and none had the feeling that they would be right for dd. Also quite a few took an attitude with me when I explained where I worked. :-( Only one I liked was run by an ex colleague and was also no space.

Seems a bit late in the day to be starting more research if your dissertation is due in!
If you feel that people tend to be more honest online, then I'm surprised that an analysis of internet forum discussion didn't form part of your research in the first place. I would have thought to consider a topic like this, it would be essential to get views from a variety of sources.

When my middle ds was at pre-school one of the workers was a horrible bitch. There was one little boy who always had a snotty nose. One day when i was doing the snack he had green snots running down his face so i told her, she looked at him, boaked and said thats disgusting. I looked at her thinking what to say next and she just turned away. I ended up wiping the poor mites nose.

I also know a friend who has a friend who worked in a private nursery and they were all young girls. She said they used to take the piss out of the clothes the kids wore. One boy came in 2 days running with his sole coming away from his shoe so they ripped it off so the mam would have to buy new shoes. He was off for 3 days then came back with new shoes.

All my dd's have gone to nursey/preschool and ive never personally had a problem

i have already handed infact its been quite a few weeks since it went in and still i am intrigued at why people think the way they do about nursery workers its just a subject i am naturally curious about

I am a 'thick' nursery worker educated to level 5 having gone to a grammar school after passing the 11+. I am just about to start my final year of a BA Hons degree but I do have a nvq too
I am not motivated by money or status (just as well, really) but by the fact that I really enjoy being with children. I love being a small but important part of their formative years.
Good luck with your dissertation questioningmouse! I have yet to decide what area I am doing mine on.

Sorry, when I said some aren't the brightest I was basing that on some of the staff I know at the nursery I use, they've said themselves that they aren't interested in doing the more academic stuff that my nursery offers just love working directly with the children.

It's just my experience that the ones who are grads have the excellent caring plus want to do the masters etc. I was making the point that it's NOT about how bright they are but personality and how making it all about success, status and money might remove that if you have lots of people who are career ambition as opposed to a real love of childcare.

My sentence above was clunky and I'm not sure this further explanation is much better either!

"so i asked a very open ended question to see the answers and just to invite the discussion as to why nursery workers are seen to be at the bottom of the academic heap and most peoples opinions are that of noone should aspire to be a nursery worker if they can do anything "better" so someone with 12 a GCSES shouls aspire to be a teacher not a nursery worker but someone with 6 e GCSES should straight away think nursery worker"

It's to do with pay, surely. Nothing more complicated than that.

I'm a bit TBH

I have professional dealings with this and I have also used nurseries as a parent.

My honest opinion is that about 5-10% of nurseries are utterly crap, little more than car parks for small children, with lazy and judgemental staff. Children spend more time queuing up or sitting in their coats than doing anything of value, the facilities are mildly germ infested, and self-obsessed staff with high absentee rates cannot be bothered to take the kids outside, spend time encouraging them to eat or whatever. (I am sure every single nursery worker on here has experience of seeing a bit of this occasionally whilst on placement or working on a temporary basis or whatever).

25% or more of nurseries are utterly fabulous, with lovely surroundings and facilities, clever and engaged carers, and stimulating programmes for children.

And the rest muddle along in the middle, vacillating depending on who the manager is at any given time. I woud say they are good enough, but not that special.

PS I worked as a nursery nurse for two years - I was a graduate as well.

It totally depends on the nursery.

Going back a few yers now but the first nursery the staff were poorly trained, the place dirty and management absent and always covering up mistakes.

The second nursery was an absolute dream. We could not have wished for better. It was close to perfect and as a result had a long waiting list.

I agree sardine queen- its about supply and demand too.
At the end of the day, nursery work appeals to a lot of young girls, there is no shortage of workers, and high levels of academic ability are not needed to access the qualifications. That doesn't mean that everyone who becomes a nursery worker is therefore thick- but it does mean that its an employment path open to people who may not necessarily be that bright, or academically able- important distinction to make there.
You are probably more likely to consider eg primary teaching if you enjoy being with youngish children but are academically able and want to earn a higher income. It really doesn't follow that 'everyone therefore thinks nursery staff are thick'.