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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my local Co-Op know that one of their cashiers hurled racist abuse at me on the bus last August

142 replies

justicemustprevail · 03/06/2011 23:47

Well? I saw the bitch working in my local Co-Op the other day. I don't want to go into detail about what happened, but I was not the guilty party and I did not provoke this woman in any way. She was lucky I didn't phone the police.
Should Co-Op be told that they have hired a racist bigot?
Oh and I will do it purely out of revenge and the fact that she is ruining Co-Op's clean image.

OP posts:

BumWiper · 04/06/2011 10:51

This sounds all very juvenile and is actually reflecting very badly on you Justice.
You are seething for revenge.Why?What will revenge do?Are you banking on feeling better that ''you've got her back''?That just makes you no better than her.

You have no proof of any crime so legally the crime does not exist.Not saying it may not have happened.

Seek help about your rather worrying need for revenge on an incident that happened months ago.

katvond · 04/06/2011 10:51

I'm not an ignorant twit OP your not doing yourself any favours abusing MNers who chose to comment.
I will say it again if the abuse upset you so much 10 months ago why oh why not do anything about it then. Why wait 10 months OP
And please answer me as I did to you

TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:52

my point was that lots of lots of posters have written exactly that, bumwiper, but the OP doesn't want to hear it. So, they could have saved their energy...

ScrotalPantomime · 04/06/2011 10:52

Yes to be fair TFO the OP has decided not to act on it, thankfully, so she has taken the advice.

I do think the idea of writing it and then burning it is a good one. No consequences for anyone, but it will help you heal.

TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:53

we had x-posted scrotal - I do take that point

katvond · 04/06/2011 11:02

Sadly I don't think the OP will let this lie. She seems hell bent on revenge. I sympathise that she's had racist abuse no one should stand that but she needed to do something at the time the abuser will probably not even remember her

zookeeper · 04/06/2011 11:06

how ridiculous. move on and shop at Asda.

limitedperiodonly · 04/06/2011 11:22

This would never happen with Waitrose.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 04/06/2011 11:27

I really do not understand why people are being so dismissive.

I have seen worse AIBU involving children on buses being a bit rude.

There is much calling for bringing back the birch and stringing up on those.

Why the hostility on here towards an op who was abused when with her DD?

Of course she is going to 'let it lie'. If she was that hellbent of revenge she would have done something months ago

Does noone ever fret about something that happend ages ago that you wished you had dealt with differently? No imagined witty but crushing replies? No mythically swipes to the head with a blunt object?

I still plot revenge on the bitch of a nurse that made my DD cry when she had relapsed and was in pain. Of course its not logical or helpful but its hardly uncommon.

Would any of you really feel totally comfortable shopping somewhere that someone worked who had verbally abused you and threatened you?

It really wouldnt cross your mind every time you walked in?

Nonsense. If that were true the AIBU boards would be virtual tumble weed.

Tortington · 04/06/2011 11:27

its ver simple

how can we be aghast if you don't tell us what she siad
if you had reported her to the police, she might not have been employed in the first place
you missed your chance, the co-op can't legally do anything about it and if they did sack her for it - she could sue them and get money - so you would be doing her a favour.

katvond · 04/06/2011 11:29

Exactly we dont know all the facts, does the OP have evidence, witnesses etc?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/06/2011 11:37

I'm very sorry you suffered a horrible attack of racial abuse. You should of reported to the police at the time. Really.

However...

I shoplifted an eyeshadow and a lipstick from boots when I was 14. I was a thief. Could my present employers sack me for it if someone told them? No.
I understand you want to report her but reporting her to her employers will get you nowhere. They wont do anything.

Andrewofgg · 04/06/2011 11:41

YABU. Too long ago. She can jsut deny it. "Mistaken identity" ten months on. Too bad, I'm afraid.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 04/06/2011 12:11

If you don't want your dd thinking that 'her home is not her home', justiceprevails - why didn't you do something about it at the time? Sending an email 10 months later means your dd has had 10 months of thinking that you're not going to do anything about the incident, doesn't it. I think you also have to accept that unless you can produce witnesses who are prepared to back up your email to the Co-op, and you have the woman's full name, they are not going to do anything about it at all.

I do also think that it is a bit odd that you have ignored all the posters who have asked you for details of the incident concerned.

Tenacity · 04/06/2011 23:36

Racial abuse is very serious. It is unfortunate that you did not report it immediately BUT I suspect a lot of crime victims do not (for varying reasons), so I can understand why it did not happen justicemustprevail. It must be worse as you see this woman whenever you visit your local shop

This incident happened a while ago, but I think you should still report it to the Police. There were witnesses after all, and even if nothing comes from it, it might help you move on from the situation. Hopefully, it will also be one example for your daughter, and others, and will learn never to put up with abuse from anybody, ever!

I hope the issue is resolved satisfactorily, and that you do eventually come to terms with what happened. I am not surprised that you still feel very angry. It is a normal response to being treated like an inferior being, which is what racial abuse signify. It is about someone treating you as a lesser being based on the 'delusions of grandeur' they hold about their own colour, and your own colour being seen as lesser. Your anger at this is totally justified, and too right! Why should you take it lying down?
Nonetheless, I think you need to do something about this, but should avoid creating problems for yourself. Think very carefully and objectively about what you want to do next. Not easy..
Anything you do should be well thought out, and should be in the best interest of yourself and your family.

I am amazed at the vitriole I have seen on this thread. However I also realise that 'human beings' similar to the 'being' who abused you might also be posting on this thread . Ignoring them is probably the best way forward.

HeidiKat · 05/06/2011 17:25

It's terrible that you were abused when with your DD, but at the end of the day it's your responsibility as a parent to educate her that unfortunately ignorance like this exists in the world and give her the confidence to live her life knowing that she is not inferior because of skin colour. Complaining to the co op now will not have the desired effect and you should try to move on, or don't go there if you can't stand the sight of this woman.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 05/06/2011 20:21

It's also worth remembering that, unless you can provide witnesses to the incident (and I'm not saying that you can't), she could claim that you were slandering her.

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