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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my local Co-Op know that one of their cashiers hurled racist abuse at me on the bus last August

142 replies

justicemustprevail · 03/06/2011 23:47

Well? I saw the bitch working in my local Co-Op the other day. I don't want to go into detail about what happened, but I was not the guilty party and I did not provoke this woman in any way. She was lucky I didn't phone the police.
Should Co-Op be told that they have hired a racist bigot?
Oh and I will do it purely out of revenge and the fact that she is ruining Co-Op's clean image.

OP posts:
vanessasmum · 04/06/2011 00:25

portaloo, i'm not sure they would, but they might discuss it with their employee? which might be enough of a jolt?

CoffeeDodger · 04/06/2011 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpeedyGonzalez · 04/06/2011 00:27

justicemustprevail, I have been a victim of racist abuse. The first time was a grown man shouting 'black whore!' at me when I was oooh, about 8. I had no idea what a whore was, no idea why my colour should mean anything to anyone, no idea why this bizarre, drunken scary man was shouting at me, and was on my own on an empty street. So I do know what it's like.

You still haven't told us what happened. I find this a very odd thread.

If I were in your position I wouldn't have bothered contacting the Co-op. Unless this woman abused you whilst wearing her staff uniform or working in the shop, her employer has no jurisdiction over her. I think you are probably feeling frustrated not just with her but also with yourself for not having done what you felt you should have done - i.e. report her to the police. That's completely understandable, and I'm not surprised that you're still turning it over in your mind almost a year on.

It's good that you had the support of your fellow passengers at the time of the incident, so that, unlike my 8-year-old self, you did not need to feel alone and afraid. But I think it's now time to let it go.

Pandemoniaa · 04/06/2011 00:27

What would be the point of making an anonymous complaint anyway? It'd be treated with the contempt that this sort of cowardly communication deserves. Not, incidentally, that there's any such thing as an anonymous email so tread very carefully lest your actions come right back at you.

Original poster
justicemustprevail · 04/06/2011 00:27

vanessasmum - this is exactly what I thought. Ultimately, I would love to see her fired, but if she isn't, even a grilling from her manager would suffice.

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 04/06/2011 00:29

justice her manager has no right to grill her over something that happened before she was employed there.

Pandemoniaa · 04/06/2011 00:30

Are you taking any advice here or are we all wasting our time? Be assured that nobody is going to get "a grilling from their manager" as a result of you sending an anonymous communication to the Co-op about an issue that has nothing to do with them and that cannot even name the accused.

tomhardyismydh · 04/06/2011 00:32

however saying that, I once reported to the police the market stall holder who threatened to find out where I lived and burn my house down after i banged the side of his van to alert him to stop as he almost reversed into me with my 3 wk old dd in a sling.

the police said they would be unable to identify him and would have no proof this happened. I had a witness and he was still in the market square at the time with cct coverage.

I did once or twice very loudly after the incident question him in front of his customers and ask him if he had managed to track down my address as he had not seemed to burn my house down like he threatened to some weeks earlier. It was quite funny watching him squirm but did make me look some what of a loon to most of his customers, who continued to make their purchases.

its just not worth it op.

ravenAK · 04/06/2011 00:33

None of that will happen - fired, grilled.

Your email will be binned as irrelevant - it's an unsubstantiated allegation about someone who didn't work for them when the unreported, unprovable, alleged incident happened.

The Co-op have absolutely NO reason to give the tiniest bit of attention to this, I'm afraid.

worraliberty · 04/06/2011 00:35

vanessasmum - this is exactly what I thought. Ultimately, I would love to see her fired, but if she isn't, even a grilling from her manager would suffice

It's NOT going to happen thankfully!!

You can't simply go round contacting random companies, telling tales on their employees about something that happened 10 months ago that you have no proof of!!

Seriously you need to stop this crap before you get yourself arrested for harrassement. You are trying to victimise this poor woman..without giving her a chance to either confirm or deny what you are saying.

What makes you think you have the right to do that?

Original poster
justicemustprevail · 04/06/2011 00:36

Thank You for the constructive post SpeedyGonzalez. You are right I should let it go, and I did, but seeing her just bought it all up again. I know I will probably forget about it in a few weeks. I have actually discussed this with DH and he wasn't too enthusiastic about it either - like all the other posters.

Yes I am taking advice from here. I am calming down a bit thank you.

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 04/06/2011 00:38

go to sleep OP. you will see things more clearly in the morning.

Original poster
justicemustprevail · 04/06/2011 00:38

worraliberty - I am not going to listen to a hot head like you. Can you please calm down? I'm sorry, but I fail to see her as a "poor woman"? You are not helping me. Infact you are making me pretty angry, and I want to go to sleep soon, so just calm down.

OP posts:
Original poster
justicemustprevail · 04/06/2011 00:39

Yes I think I will BooyHoo - thanks.

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 04/06/2011 00:40

"Infact you are making me pretty angry, and I want to go to sleep soon, so just calm down."

you are getting it the wrong way round OP.

if it is YOU that wants to go to sleep then YOU are the one that needs to calm down. someone on teh otehr end of an internet connection being excitable will not affect how you sleep.

Thornykate · 04/06/2011 00:40

Glad you are feeling better OP.

Hopefully karma will sort her out, one day she'll hurl racist abuse at the wrong person such as an off duty police. It's bound to happen one day.

SpeedyGonzalez · 04/06/2011 00:41

I'm glad to have been able to help! Seems that drunk bastard 30+ years ago may have actually done something good without realising...Confused Grin

Can you shop at a different supermarket for a while, just to help you cool down? I know it would probably feel like you're letting her win a victory over you, but in a way she already has judging by the effect she's had on you.

Either that or next time you see her, rock up at her till, smile sweetly and say: "Hello, I'm the lady from the bus. Remember me?" and then be the nicest customer she's ever had. Believe me, she will burn with shame!

portaloo · 04/06/2011 00:42

Will you continue to shop at this Co op, if seeing this woman makes you feel this way?
I think I'd be inclined to shop elsewhere OP.

SpeedyGonzalez · 04/06/2011 00:42

Actually I do agree with the OP that considering she was the one this woman abused, worraliberty's last post comes across very badly. Wrong tone for the context.

worraliberty · 04/06/2011 00:43

Seriously love you need to get a grip.

I'm off to read the cat and dog threads...there's far less shit on them.

MN 10 points

Troll Nil Points

piprabbit · 04/06/2011 00:44

Dear Co-op,
I am writing to report that a member of your staff racially abused me.
It was many years before she became your employee.
I do not wish to go into specifics about what she did - but we were on a bus.
I do not know her name.

Please will you take steps to ensure this woman never works in your organisation again.
Regards
Justice.

OP, please see how peculiar contacting the Co-op would make you look. And if you sent more than one message, or tracked down the woman's name, or chose to speak to her at work, you may be leaving yourself vulnerable to claims of harrassement.
If you really want to register your disapproval, write to the manager saying that you in future you will be taking your business elsewhere due to the past behaviour of a member of their staff - and then go and shop in a different store.

Original poster
justicemustprevail · 04/06/2011 00:45

That's a good idea Speedy! I can actually see myself doing that in the future! I don't go in there as much anymore, but DH goes there regularly.

Thanks Thornykate. Yes I hope karma comes back to bite her on the bum.

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 04/06/2011 00:46

oh good point pip

how would teh manager even know which member of staff it was if you dont know her name?

Original poster
justicemustprevail · 04/06/2011 00:47

worraliberty - don't feel the need to tell me what you're going to do next. Please read the Talk Guidelines before labelling me as a Troll. Yes do hop along to the dog threads - if that's where you feel you belong.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 04/06/2011 00:48

Actually I do agree with the OP that considering she was the one this woman abused, worraliberty's last post comes across very badly. Wrong tone for the context

No I'm sorry.

No-one here knows the OP was the one abused.

No-one here knows the OP didn't hurl racist abuse first/either.

No-one here knows the OP isn't a mad, crazy stalker trying to make this woman's life miserable.

ALL anyone here knows is that she wants to make an unfounded anonymous allegation about a woman who has just started a new job to her employer.

If I didn't think the OP was a troll I would continue with this post but I just wanted to answer you on your point Speedy