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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to use the disabled loo when out with DD

260 replies

Gster · 01/06/2011 11:08

I'd bet this has been covered many times, but I'm fairly new.

When I'm out with DD ( 2.5 years ) somewhere like a museum and she needs a pee-pee ( or me ) , I use the disabled loo. I obviously wouldn't venture into the ladies being a bloke, and more often than not the gents are pretty grim.

What do other dads do ?

Or general opinion.

OP posts:
NorthernGobshite · 01/06/2011 20:09

I only use disabled toilet when it is very quiet. Very. And now she is older we do use womens loo's more often. Hey, I'm not perfect, sorry.

carocaro · 01/06/2011 20:25

My step dad is disabled and due to his ms needs the loo ASAP and can't wait, he has no objection to kids and parents using the loo as long as they are quick!

Riveninside · 01/06/2011 20:34

Even when there are family rooms for changing and toilets so e tit always uses the one and only changing facility and hoist toilet for 100 miles. Theres 7 family rooms ffs but not good enough.

pongonperdy · 01/06/2011 20:55

Would rather my husband take our daughter to disabled loos rather then mens. Not keen on her marching past a row of men using urinals. If it wad a one cubicle sort of place then thats different.

I am not surw is disabled loos are strictly for them only, rather that they are accessible and therefore the most appropriate for a wheelchair etc.

devientenigma · 01/06/2011 20:59

we have often been waiting for the disabled toilet with my 10yo disabled ds who has a number of medical and neurological conditions. He is also very aggressive and has the attention lifespan of ant. So when whoever, disabled or not, due to his wait he has physically attacked people from his wheelchair. How would you feel if he attacked you or worse your child?? BTW it's pointless telling him no or it's wrong as he doesn't understand and would just get more aggressive due to no being a trigger word. Oh and he wouldn't of wet himself but would be rather smelly and sore as his skin doesn't cope with the acid in his urine and with him being incontinent and wearing a nappy makes things worse.

devientenigma · 01/06/2011 21:01

I agree with Rivenside you need to campaign. However when my dh took our dd's out when they were small he used to take them into the mens and they have matured ok.

WholeLottaRosie · 01/06/2011 21:06

This reply has been deleted

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devientenigma · 01/06/2011 21:13

I agree, you can't tell who's disabled by looking at them and people shouldn't judge. If it was aimed at me I did say my ds regardless of who would attack due to waiting. What's most infuriating is when it's someone who has used quickly instead of queueing etc and they apologize on the way out. Why apologize if you knew you had the right to use it.

crappymoodymoo · 01/06/2011 21:14

if my hubby took our daughter into the mens toilets he'd get a smack round the head - mens toilets have tobys - thats enough for me to say no to that!! when us ladies take boys to the ladies room there are no jinas out on display :) so no i dont think theres anything wrong with using the disabled if your a father out with his little girl.

Original poster
Gster · 01/06/2011 21:21

I think my views as the OP from this are as follows.

It's problematic as a dad with a dd when pee pee calls, the gents are often unhygenic and with possible willy exposure.

The ladies are problomatic because i have a willy.

As for the issue of the toilets for people with disabilities, i assume there are times when another disabled person might be in there, certainly the possibility so although i see your point ,surely you can't without exception expect it to be free

When i read someone posting how some ladies loos have wide cubicles for push chairs i wonder about equality for dads.

Men, of which i'm one can be lazy fuckers. Society in general is fairly unresponsible. Male loos are in general worse than womens.

I think though it is good to hear the opinions of the disabled / challenged and their parents.

If i had of caused inconvenience to anyone in taking dd into the disabled loo I probably would have stopped. Truth is i haven't once. We're in and out quickly just in case.

More family loos !!!! Lets start a campaign !

OP posts:
Riveninside · 01/06/2011 21:24

I cant see any issue with a toddler seeing men peeing. Talk about precious!

Teenytiny · 01/06/2011 21:30

I personally want my kids (they are girls) seeing some stranger grown man pee why would i??

Original poster
Gster · 01/06/2011 21:43

Riveninside, you are bordering on being insulting. My dd is curious. There is nothing wrong with her seeing a man pee-ing , there are times when she sees me do so, and i don't see the harm in it now, but if she develops thinking it's ok to see any mans penis i think its a problem. She needs to know what is acceptable and what isn't. It's not precious , it'sabout teaching her about right and wrong. What is acceptable and what isn't. Where the boundaries are.

OP posts:
Triggles · 01/06/2011 21:52

I think what I find amusing is that:

  • people are getting all uptight over a female child in a dirty mens toilet, but it's perfectly okay for a male child to be in same dirty mens toilet. Hmm
  • Gster - technically, the ladies toilet isn't problematic because you have a willy.. unless you are waving said willy around at people Grin
  • people also seem to be getting freaked out over the possibility that a female child will see someone's "package" while they are walking by the urinals. I'm sorry, but unless the men are now staging "peeing for distance" competitions at urinals around the country, I fail to see how simply walking by them is going to really give them anything to see anyway. Hmm

IMO, if it's good enough for small boys to go to, it's fine for small girls to go to. I doubt very highly that there are men prancing about the mens toilets, indescriminately waving their willies at passing toddlers. Except perhaps Gster, who admits his willy is a problem. Grin

devientenigma · 01/06/2011 21:54

When our dd's started pointing out the other men in the mens loos dh started to stand guard at the entrance to the ladies till they had been in. More often than not us nice women allow them to jump the queue or you get someone saying they will help. Yes ok it's on face value, however you also need to teach kids stranger danger without it being negative.
I also agree Gster about the equality, even around baby change, there never used to be one in the mens loos and how many men use the baby change room for the risk of someone breast feeding.

Teenytiny · 01/06/2011 21:55

triggles if i had a son df would still take him into the disabled.....

devientenigma · 01/06/2011 21:56

pmsl triggles Grin you have made my day.

herbietea · 01/06/2011 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Triggles · 01/06/2011 22:02

well then, teeny... you'd be missing out on a prime opportunity to teach them about being hygienic in the toilet. We simply bring disposable wipes in case they are needed and teach them how important it is to wash their hands thoroughly afterwards.

You can protect them from all that dirt and germs better by teaching them how to deal with it than avoiding it. And a toddler is old enough to be learning good toileting habits - they'll need them at school.

Teenytiny · 01/06/2011 22:03

um my children do know hygyne thanks very much!!!!

Triggles · 01/06/2011 22:05

And that being said, we DO have a radar key for DS2 who is disabled. We only use it when he is with us and needs the toilet.

There are far too many people in the world that feel that rules (and common courtesy) need not apply to them. Hmm

Original poster
Gster · 01/06/2011 22:06

Triggles. Have you not been in the gents and seen the dance of the willies ?!

Yes you are right on all points. But there is the issue if hygene, which correct me if i'm wrong women are more attuned to than men. Some / most mens public loos are dire.

But yes the lengths men go to sheild their man bits is quite commical. But my dd given half the chance would walk up to them and try and touch their man bits.

The cubical loo seats are almost without exception covered in pee. Wome's i doubt are so....

OP posts:
crappymoodymoo · 01/06/2011 22:07

nope my kid doesnt see me pee or her dad she's no reason to see a strange grown man pee. she's seen tobys at nursery and her wee cousins etc but there isnt a cats chance in hell she's getting to be exposed to things that are beyond her years i.e a grown mans penis. precious maybe but so what?! my kid my rules. we're all gonna set different boundaries but in my opinion dads should be able to use the disabled toilets heck all parents should because i know iv went into them when my daughter was still in her pram id much rather take 3 mins out of a disabled persons toilet routine or whatever than leave my baby or todler unattended in a public toilet you never know who's around i'm not a paranoid person just dont think my childs safety should be on my back burner.

Triggles · 01/06/2011 22:07

sigh

teeny - read the post again, dear. I said you'd be missing out on the opportunity if you did that. I did not say your children didn't know about it.

Teenytiny · 01/06/2011 22:08

I cant even be bothered argueing with you!!!