.. to use the disabled loo when out with DD

[Gster]

I'd bet this has been covered many times, but I'm fairly new.

When I'm out with DD ( 2.5 years ) somewhere like a museum and she needs a pee-pee ( or me ) , I use the disabled loo. I obviously wouldn't venture into the ladies being a bloke, and more often than not the gents are pretty grim.

What do other dads do ?

Or general opinion.

I'd say the gents have two issues, urinals with men's willies out, ok not that bad, but the toilet seats are usually covered in piss which isn't generally the case in the ladies.

I would assume that someone with incontinence issues will be wearing a pad if things are that bad. Not pleasant waiting to get it changed but a 2.5 year old would be 2 or 3 minutes in teh toilet.

A disabled toilet is not exclusively for disabled people. It is a toilet which is suitable for disabled people. In exactly the same way that buildings have ramps for wheelchairs.

if the loo is empty, go in and use it

presumably you will be 3 minutes at most and wont be taking a book it, so i am sure most people can wait 3 mins at a push

Basically the argument against using the disabled toilet boils down to:

1. You don't know when you go in to the loo if someone will come along and need to use it.

1. The argument "I was only in there for a moment" doesn't work. If we all say that then the disabled loo will be constantly engaged and not available for a person with SN who needs to use it.

1. You cannot see from looking at someone if they have a SN that requires them to use the disabled loo, it is not just those in wheelchairs. It could be someone who has a catheter and has to change the bag. Or a child with autism who finds waiting in a queue challenging ie. will have a melt-down.

1. If a loo has a baby-changing facility then it is of course ok to use it but it would be better to have separate facilities.

1. You can leave your DC in a buggy outside a cubicle for a minute while you nip in to pee. The chances of a paedophile happening past while you pee is tiny. If you feel uneasy, ask a friendly elderly woman to keep an eye on baby.

Have I forgotten anything?

All common sense goes out of the window on these threads.

If you are doing a quick in and out, I don't see the issue. Like rainbowinthesky said, it doesn't make a difference if the loo is occupied by a disabled/able-bodied person in terms of waiting.

Also, being able to judge the situation is the key. If you are going to be hogging the only disabled loo in, say, a restaurant, then either don't do it or be very quick. If you're in a big shopping centre and there is more than one disabled loo (in my local one there are four in a row) then I would consider it.

If that's OK, can I use the parent and child car parking space and othe facilities when I take my disabled aunt out (without my children)?

Oh I asked a question about this a few days ago on a related thread and forgot to check for an answer - must do so.

SN is not the same as diasbled though is it - they are not SN toilets.

Also the disabled toilets are not exclusively for the use of disabled people with continence problems. My dad is "disabled" has a badge and everything but he does not need the use of a disabled toilet and is definitely not suffering from continence issues.

And people can have continence problems without being disabled - are they allowed to use the "disabled" toilet?

I just don't see the need for rules - just a need for courtesey. They are toilets which are kitted our for the use of the disabled and of course any disabled persons needing the additional facilities which these toilets provide should be given priority but in the absence of a disabled person present then they are free to anyone IMO.

The disabled toilets are there for the disabled, use the others toilets we all have to in the past. I'd say a museums toilets wouldn't be very grim.

The only time anyone has actually knocked on the door, it's turned out to be another parent.

MmeLindor, I wouldn't leave my dd for a nano second when out, but I get your points.

But yep, common sense, for me, is a quick in and out. said the actress to the bishop

For those of you who are saying if there is no one around, and you are quick then it is ok.

Do you not get that if everyone uses the disabled toilets that there is a greater likelihood of a person who absolutely does need to use the loo being caught short?

And no there are no hard and fast rules, and of course those with incontinence issues should use the disabled loo but there are so many who don't have any additional needs who are either too lazy to walk further or too impatient to wait for a loo to be free.

Gster
For a man it is slightly different, I can see why you would be reluctant to leave her outside the cubicle if you were needing to go alone.

I meant in the ladies loos that one can leave a pram outside the cubicle and nip in to pee. It generally doesn't take long. We are not horses.

YANBU. You have to do what is practical for you. Obviously disabled people are given priority but I don't think that extends to others never being able to use a disabled toilet where to use the normal toilets would be difficult.

Abigail, life is give and take, so I personally would have a problem with you using the child parking when out with a disabled auntie.

Have you tried lifting an old lady out of a wheelchair and on to a toilet in the standard toilets because they are desperate and a parent with three children is in the disabled loo encouraging each of their children one by one to squeeze one?

It's non-disabled people using disabled toilets that has led to so many being radar key only. This means that people who temporarily need to use accessible facilities or have continence issues can't use the disabled toilets. So lots of individuals acting selfishly has led to a fairly widespread negative impact on others. Isn't that the tragedy of the commons?

Abigail, no I haven't had to do that. But I have come across inconsiderate people in life, which is what you are talking about.

I mean what do disabled people do when there is ANOTHER disabled person squeezing one out in there, getting back in their wheel chair etc ?

I agree that the gents are far worse than the ladies. The ladies are usually quite reasonable with the seats as women have to sit down to pee. Men have the urinals and so for some reasons feel it is OK to leave the actual cubicles in a much worse state.

I personally don't think YABU TBH.

Some people on these threads take things to extremes though so be prepared for that.

"disabled toilet" is pretty old fashioned term. Thought they were all now accessible toilets.

Abigal - no I've never tried that but then the three children scenario is quite different to a dad nipping in with one toddler. The former is utterly inconsiderate.

Also I'd have NO problem with a disabled person taking up a parent and child space. Disabled absolutely get priority over pretty much everything when they need it. At the same time I do get a bit crossed about some of the NCP car parks near me where there are genuinely dozens of unused disabled spaces at all times (peak and off peak), no P&C spaces and not even enough ordinary spaces. Something is not right about the allocation IMO. Same principle with toilets which I guess is why it is often attempted to redress the balance by doubling up the disabled toilers with P&C facilities.

I've genuinely never seen it happen Mme Lindor and having a young baby so often using the combined baby change facilities it is something I am conscious of. And surely anyone can get caught short - not nice for anyone to wee themselves after misjudging their need for the loo (post pregnancy recent experience here)

If ALL toilets were suitable for disabled users then there would not be any question over who should and shouldnt use them.

My stepson would take his daughter into the disabled loo when she was too young to go on her own to the ladies toilets. I cant see why anyone would have an issue with that.

I would not use the disabled toilet if I was on my own. I would not use it if all the kids who were with me could walk and be taken into the cubicles in the ladies. But I have done where it is not practical to use a normal toilet with a pushchair (often it is but not always).

On a similar thread there was a feeling that little girls shouldn't be taken into the mens as it is embarrassing for those using urinals (as well as questions about the general cleanliness of the mens) in these circs I think it is OK for OP to use the disabled loo (in the absence of a family loo) until his daughter is OK to go into the ladies on her own.

Rainbowinthesky - I have some continence issues - I have irritable bowel syndrome, and I get sudden diarrhoea, with little or no warning. Usually I get a little bit of warning, and that's enough for me to get to a loo, but might not be able to wait much longer once I got there. If there was a huge queue for the ladies, and the disabled loo was in use, I could find myself at the point where I couldn't hold on any longer, and it would be utterly mortifying and horrible for me, and not nice for others around either. I also have stress incontinence, and a weak pelvic floor (which I am working on) and can appreciate how someone with more issues than me would feel.

Gster - the issue is that another disabled person may have had no other choice than to use the disabled loo, whereas parents of NT children do.

I'm undecided on the issue of using disabled toilets, I know that feelings run pretty strong on here and I can see both points of view. But I really don't see why a small girl can't go into the gents with her dad.

If my DH is out with DD (2.9), he'll take her into the parent and child room if available, but if not into the gents. I doubt they're any worse than some of the public toilets I've had to take her into, and I don't see why I should be concerned about her possibly seeing a flash of someone's genitals at the urinals. Just seems like a non-issue to me.