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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

.. to use the disabled loo when out with DD

260 replies

Gster · 01/06/2011 11:08

I'd bet this has been covered many times, but I'm fairly new.

When I'm out with DD ( 2.5 years ) somewhere like a museum and she needs a pee-pee ( or me ) , I use the disabled loo. I obviously wouldn't venture into the ladies being a bloke, and more often than not the gents are pretty grim.

What do other dads do ?

Or general opinion.

OP posts:

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/06/2011 13:04

SardineQueen - I'm somewhat that you don't think sudden, painful, nigh-uncontrollable diarrhoea (because that's what IBS means to me) warrants the use of the disabled loos.

I have never yet been at the point of utter, about-to-soil-myself desperation and not found a vacant loo - and I consider that very lucky. If I arrived at the ladies, my belly cramping and all hell about to break loose, and all the cubicles were engaged, what do you think I should do? Use the disabled loo, or let loose torrential diarrhoea all over myself and the loo floor?

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:04

I would agree with that SDTG

But I am aware that plenty of people who totally disagree with that POV as well.

5inthebed · 01/06/2011 13:07

Wouldn't bother me if you came in the ladies with your daughter. It's not as if we would be squatting over a hole anyway is it.

I used the mens toilets on Monday at a concert, and I was disgusted by the smell, never doing that again in a hurry.

MmeLindor. · 01/06/2011 13:07

SardineQueen
Perhaps I should have written "ailments" rather than "disabilities" but you are nit picking here

SqueakyToy
A disabled toilet that can only be accessed via a radar key is reserved for those people who legitimately have a radar key. They are not for anyone to use otherwise they would not be locked.

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:08

SDTG I said that having the squits or being a small child aren't disabilities. They aren't.

I used to get the squits all the time (not any more thankfully) but I wasn't disabled. Well, I mean I am disabled , but not through squittyness. And my disability doesn't mean that when not squitty I can't wait for a normal toilet. Having a recognised condition like IBS might "officially" make you disabled, but someone without IBS who simply happens to have urgent diarrhoea isn't disabled.

I was responding to a poster who said that these toilets could be used by people with permanent or temporary disabilities, and pointing out that this approach would result in a lot of people with crap/piss all down themselves, while they were standing next to an empty toilet.

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:10

mmelindor so your POV is that these toilets are for anyone who feels that they need to use them?

That's quite different to what you said in the first place though.

I just get irritated when people on these threads (although TBF this one isnt too bad) when people are so inflexible about these things.

Original poster

Gster · 01/06/2011 13:13

....oooookkkaaaaayyyyy then.

So what about if you, as a woman, hear the door open and a man ask ' anyone in here can I bring my little girl in for a pee ? '

I'm sure not everyone would feel totally comfortable with that whilst on the throne..

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:15

Gster you are right, a lot of especially older women would not be at all happy with that. It came up on a thread on here before a quite a lot of posters said they did not think it was on, for various reasons. Said it would make them feel very uncomfortable and upset.

I don't think it's a very good idea TBH!

bupcakesandcunting · 01/06/2011 13:15

I wouldn't mind it. But then I do frequent, ahem, drinking establishments where gender-bending wrt to loo use is not an issue.

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:16

Your only option is to only ever go to John Lewis, a tactic I used when I was BF

If there is not one near you then I'm afraid you mustn't go out until your DD is old enough to use the ladies by herself!

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:16

bupcakes the gents are always minging though aren't they. I can well see the OPs point.

ShowOfHands · 01/06/2011 13:18

Our local disabled/accessible toilets are remotely locked. They have an intercom outside each one and if you want to use them, you have to press the buzzer, talk to the bored man in the cctv office who will whip his camera round to have a look at you and decide if you are allowed entry.

MmeLindor. · 01/06/2011 13:19

My POV, sardinequeen is simple.

Accessible loos are there for people who are unable to use normal loos. This includes, but is not limited to those with physical or mental ailments, even if they are temporary. if a normal loo is available then a person with IBS can be expected to use it, but if there is a long queue and the alternative is to shit yourself, then of course they should use the disabled one.

I don't believe that this means that almost anyone should be allowed to use them, but people have to think about others. If you are able to wait for a normal loo, then wait.

There is no need for those who do not want to leave their buggy outside a cubicle. It takes less than a minute to go to the loo. And contrary to some opinions, there are not paedos lurking in Ladies loos on the off chance that someone will leave their child for a minute to go to the loo.

I find the sense of entitlement on this thread horrid, the fact that there is so little thought of how to help people who struggle with everyday movements that we take for granted.

A little bit of respect and common sense would be good

fedupofnamechanging · 01/06/2011 13:19

I'd be okay with it. It's not like anyone pees with the cubicle door open and I can't see the difference between other women being next door or a man with a small child. I suppose if you did this you might get a different reaction each time depending on who was in there at the time.

yoshiLunk · 01/06/2011 13:23

I do use the disabled loos with the DC if the others are very busy, however I do have a quick look around to make sure I'm not beating anyone else to it, and always in and out super quick.

Interestingly in the US the baby changing shelf was almost always only to be found in the disabled toilet so you had to use it with the DC.

fedupofnamechanging · 01/06/2011 13:24

MmeLindor, if you want to leave your child outside the cubicle then I suppose that is your prerogative, but there is no way I'd be leaving my baby unattended in a public place, even for a minute. Sure, it is unlikely that anything will happen, but it's not impossible.

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 13:24

mmelindor do you think that my friend was wrong to let the woman in with the radar key in the bus station?

I think that maybe I'm not arguing with you but with the POV people have expressed at other times which is similar to yours but more extreme. Apologies for that.

bubblecoral · 01/06/2011 13:25

I wouldn't really want a man coming into the ladies toilets with a dd, I'd much prefer you to use the disabled toilets.

By the way, you can buy radar keys on ebay.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/06/2011 13:29

"It takes less than a minute to go to the loo."

And less than a minute to steal a child. Yes, I know it's unlikely but unlikely isn't the same as impossible. I'm sure that all of the parents of abducted children thought that it wouldn't happen to them and would have done things differently if they could. Well, I'd rather take precautions to stop something from happening than rueing over the fact that I didn't when it's too late...

MIFLAW · 01/06/2011 13:31

As a dad I take my daughter (3.5) to the gents' and have no idea why this would be a problem.

Anyone?

I admit that, even though I understand all the arguments against it, I would take my daughter to the disabled loo if that was free and the (often single) cubicle in the gents' was busy - but that's a different question.

yoshiLunk · 01/06/2011 13:31

I agree with bupcakes, I would never leave my child alone, or out of sight in a public place. I am an "it could happen" thinker, not an 'it probably won't'.

Original poster

Gster · 01/06/2011 13:32

I remember in Holland once seeing unisex toilets. That was pretty novel.

But I can totally understand women not being comfortable with random men coming in the ladies.

OP posts:

MonstaMunch · 01/06/2011 13:32

I wouldnt leave my baby outside

If the toilet was empty I would use it

BulletWithAName · 01/06/2011 13:33

I am an "it could happen" thinker, not an 'it probably won't'.

Agreed.

MmeLindor. · 01/06/2011 13:33

sardineQueen
There is a lot of grey area, really. Yes, I think that in that situation they should have given your friend access to the disabled loo if she was unable to get the pram into the ladies.

I think we do agree on a lot of points. I am not totally militant about this.

If someone uses a disabled loo as an absolute last resort then I can sometimes understand that (even if I don't quite agree with their reasoning) but what gets me mad are the posters who see it as their right to use that loo, even if it means putting a person who has no alternative out.

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