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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to suggest that my sister could cover boobs with a scarf....

493 replies

chocolatehobnobs · 31/05/2011 22:13

Sister has 2 DC 2 and 5 months. I am pg. She reckons she is the world expert on child rearing, never afraid to comment on other's parenting. We went for lunch at the weekend at Wagamama's. Staff were lovely and helpful offered highchair etc sis was vocally demanding a certain table and being a bit precious IMO. We were sitting next to 6 young guys (same table) Sis whips boob out and BF baby. I (and our neigbours who were eating) could see boob, dripping nipple. When she announced loudly that baby had bitten nipple I offered to pass her a scarf to save the boys blushes. She refused and said she was often complimented on being a good role model for BF. AIBU to want to do things differently or is she right?

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 02/06/2011 11:46

Oops.

ChristianSalvesen62 · 02/06/2011 11:49

Oh, I love these bf threads Grin

One question, when you say your baby bites your nipple, do you mean with teeth? And, if so, don't you panic that they might not stop 'biting' it? Would a baby ever do that?

ScroobiousPip · 02/06/2011 11:53

Chocolatehobnobs, it sounds as if your sister is an outgoing and social person. How she chooses to BF reflects the rest of personality.

She has done nothing wrong. I think you either need to learn to be more comfortable with her as a person (loud BF and all), and accept that the way that she does things is not the same way you would do it, or perhaps spend less time with her.

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 02/06/2011 11:54

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HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 02/06/2011 11:56

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BooyHoo · 02/06/2011 13:14

"She didn't have to sit a foot away from the young guys, turn towards them or engage them in conversation while she breastfed."

i beg your pardon OP but i don't believe you actually said that!!

are you saying that someone who is breastfeeding should not engage in conversation??? really? should people feed in isolation and only speak to people when they have finished?

i really am even more shocked by your attitude now. shame on your for making ANYONE feel like a second class citizen for FEEDING THEIR CHILD!!

RitaMorgan · 02/06/2011 13:25

The baby's tongue covers the bottom teeth, but the top teeth can still rub especially when they're coming through. And of course the baby can deliberately bite - my ds is going through a bitey phase and the moment but hasn't drawn blood (yet!).

SouthStar · 02/06/2011 13:33

Shocking....if you dont like it then dont go out to lunch with her.

MillyR · 02/06/2011 13:36

Christian, if a baby or toddler is prone to biting, you just put your thumb on their chin and gently pull downwards; this moves their jaw down so that they are no longer biting.

MillyR · 02/06/2011 13:40

There are a lot of assumptions being made about the young men on this thread. My DS will be a young man in a couple of years. He wouldn't think anything at all about a woman who was breastfeeding having a conversation with him.

They're young men raised in contemporary society. They're not swooning Victorian book characters who might take to bed with the vapours at the site of a baby having its lunch.

HaughtyChuckle · 02/06/2011 13:42

Tbh I think a dripping nipple would ease any sexual connotations with boobs forever Grin

otchayaniye · 02/06/2011 13:54

The picayune neuroses of the petit-bourgeoisie never fail to amuse me.

OP, I think there are two issues. Perhaps your sister (older?) having a baby has reawakened deep-seated issues? Perhaps you see her behaviour (breastfeeding) and her way of behaving in public through the prism of 'know-it-all' sister? Perhaps she is a bit, and being super confident is her way of dealing with the shitstorm that is having a baby.

I read her suggesting menu items as pure friendliness, perhaps mindful of your opprobrium, wanted to, how you say, 'casser la glace' with these boys.

Do you like her much?

Regarding the biting, it's happened to me on and off. My toddler used to graze with the top teeth when getting dozy, and has peevishly bitten me a couple of times (dealt with swiftly). To be honest it's more painful breastfeeding while pregnant in the early trimester than being bitten once.

Out of interest OP, what would you think if I tandem fed a near three-year-old and a newborn in a cafe? Would steam come out of your ears?

Original poster
chocolatehobnobs · 02/06/2011 22:08

I am not being ridiculous and would not dream of criticising a new mum or anyone else about BF. Sister is a self confessed pro after all and was highly critical the same day of my exhausted new mum friend who had to give baby occasional bottle as she was exhausted getting only 20 mins rest between breast feeds.
Nickel babe my sister has done some outrageous things.
(Time wasting let's see if you think she's so much fun now. My friends don't. As a teenager if she came out with my friends she monopolised every conversation, talking over others about stuff she knows little about. She is a few years younger.
When I phoned her to tell her about my enagagement and ask her to be bridesmaid she threw a strop as she had always wanted to have a wedding in that month. (She was not engaged). My mum made me invite her to a wedding fair. She told the woman at the door that we were both brides and insisted on wearing a gold badge too. Whenever I spoke to a stallholder she stood in front of me and hassled them asking for a discount as there would be two weddings. One great photographer apologised to me that he wouldn't consider doing our wedding as he thought sister was a nightmare. At the end of the day she offered to hold the bag of contacts and freebies then refused to return them.
When she did press gang her DH into proposing a few months later she planned her wedding at the same church and reception venue as ours with the same guest list three months before our wedding. That's just one example.

OP posts:
happy4eva · 02/06/2011 22:27

Yabu. If she bottle fed her child would you make her throw a scarf over the bottle?

That made me laugh so silly :)

Original poster
chocolatehobnobs · 02/06/2011 22:29

Hrh - you're wrong by the way, I don't spend much time with my sister as I find her difficult . I have plenty of friends with and without children. Since she has had DC we have tried to get along better and be friends as well as sisters. We speak quite often on the phone and I enjoy her company at home in small doses.
Booyhoo - when I go out to a restaurant I generally prefer to talk to the people I have chosen to dine with. Sister was not expected to BF in isolation - she had myself and mum to talk to. The young guys were engaged in their own conversation and she kept interrupting to enquire about their menu choices and meal.

OP posts:
happy4eva · 02/06/2011 22:29

otchayaniye

I have no idea what your post was about bit much and very posh you sound abit like a head doctor :)

Original poster
chocolatehobnobs · 02/06/2011 22:32

Hrh - you're wrong by the way, I don't spend much time with my sister as I find her difficult . I have plenty of friends with and without children. Since she has had DC we have tried to get along better and be friends as well as sisters. We speak quite often on the phone and I enjoy her company at home in small doses.
Booyhoo - when I go out to a restaurant I generally prefer to talk to the people I have chosen to dine with. Sister was not expected to BF in isolation - she had myself and mum to talk to. The young guys were engaged in their own conversation and she kept interrupting to enquire about their menu choices and meal.

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 02/06/2011 22:42

Yeah, she does sound a pain in the arse. Why did you make the OP about breastfeeding, when it's really about your sister being a pain in the arse?

5DollarShake · 02/06/2011 22:43

To be fair, it does sound like it's more of an issue with your sister than with ostentatious breastfeeding, per se.

I doubt you would have come on to post the same thing about a friend you otherwise got on well with, would it be fair to say? I'm not saying you wouldn't be bothered by it still, but more that this is symptomatic of the things you dislike about your sister.

Just trying to give you a bit of a break here!

Takeresponsibility · 02/06/2011 22:52

Actually I don't want to see other people's tits in public. I know it's natural but so are lots of other bodily functions and I don't want to see them in public either.

There is far too much pc nonsense about "I'm entitled" to do x, y and z because I'm a Mother and my precious darlings are the next generation. I'm a Mother and I'm entitled to peace and quiet if I'm paying for a meal or a coffee not norks akimbo and "cute" three years olds belting around the place bashing into my legs and shopping and screaming at the tops of their voices..

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 02/06/2011 22:57

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Original poster
chocolatehobnobs · 02/06/2011 23:01

To reply to a few of your points hrh, I do not much time with my sister I have plenty of friends with and without children but we are trying to have a better relationship particularly since she has had DC and moved away from her home town. Yes she annoys me and I find her easier company at home that in public as she is more chilled. We talk regularly on the phone and she came to stay for a night with her family (which was actually nice).
Booyhoo, she was not expected to BF in silence isolation or in the toilet. she had her mum and sister to talk to at the table with lovely food and wine.. I sometimes chat to people on neighbouring tables but don't continually interrupt strangers' conversations but that's my preference just as otch likes feeding a 3 year old. Not my cup of tea but whatever floats your boat.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 02/06/2011 23:23

I don't much care whether someone chooses to breastfeed or not,do it in public or not or do it discreetly or not but 3 things from this thread really surprise/shock me:

  1. What's the big hang up with the word 'whip'? No of course you can't actually whip a breast out but the phrase 'whip it out' is never meant literally. You can't whip your trousers down, have a whip round for donations, whip round the shops or any of the other things the word is used for either - it's just an expression. In exactly the same way you can't 'pop' out somewhere or 'whizz' round with a hoover. Language is just like that, there's no need to get all up in arms about breasts not being whipp-able (eugh, that sounds dodgy :P)

  2. While I have no problem with people breastfeeding wherever they want to I would have a massive problem with being hit by a squirt of breastmilk, as one poster said they did to a passerby (and didn't seem overly bothered by it either). I can't even imagine the mortification I would feel if I did that to somebody. If my breasts had any tendency towards squirting whatsoever then, sorry, but there's no way I'd have been feeding in public.

  3. Babies biting nipples?!?! If it can bite it shouldn't be on there imo!

BooyHoo · 02/06/2011 23:28

choc hobnobs who are to say who she should talk to?

if i go out to eat with my sister and mum, i often find we will get chatting to the people at neighbouring tables. we are friendly people and i wouldn't dream of not talking to someone just because either I or she was BFing. your sister can talk to who she likes. if teh people she talks to find it intrusive then tehy should cut teh conversation short or tell her to mind her business. it certainly isn't up to you to judge who she can talk to.

RitaMorgan · 02/06/2011 23:31

If it can bite it shouldn't be on there? So babies don't need milk once they have teeth Confused