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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being upset by my husband demolishing part of my restaurant meal today.

142 replies

snowaddict · 30/05/2011 21:19

I had been looking forward all weekend to going to my favourite pub/restaurant.

This afternoon when my meal arrived - a very neatly constructed dome of fragrant rice etc etc. - I commented straight away on how lovely the meal looked and before my eyes he demolished the rice dome in seconds.

It was not just that he spoilt the look of the dish. He know how I had been looking forward to it.

I had been quite chatty before he did this. When I asked him why he had spoilt it he said he was sick of hearing me go on about the rice.

I felt I did'nt want to eat it anymore and felt upset he just kept saying its only rice. But that's not the point.

I'm so upset with him. He just does'nt get it. I would not dream of doing something like that to him.

Am I being too sensitive - He says I should just forget about it move on.

OP posts:
Original poster
snowaddict · 30/05/2011 21:36

Not really going on about it that much. Just looking forward to the food generally as it's usually so well presented.

Yes, he is a knob. What else can I say. He has a track record - I should know better really.

It was not really just what he did it was how it completely spoilt the outing. What was the point.

I'm going to spoil something for him. It's the only way I can get through to him.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 30/05/2011 21:37

Twat. Does he stamp on other people's sand castles when you take him to the beach?

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall · 30/05/2011 21:38

next time he savours the first sip of a cool pint, drop a chip in it or if you're a smoker, drop your ciggarette butt in it.

what an eejit

HerHissyness · 30/05/2011 21:39

My ex destroyed my Venus fly trap while it was outside in dormancy, I only found it a week after he left, he'd torn the whole plant out of the roots.

I'd always wanted a VFT, even as a girl, so I was so pleased to have one. And he killed it.

I bought another, but it's not the same, reminds me of the first. The fucker knew that didn't he?

After all the violence, the torture, the humiliation, isolation, degradation and sheer mind buggery that guy inflicted on me over 10 years, the senseless destruction of my plant was the most hurtful. the most pathetic of examples dealt the hardest blow.

So to all of you that say get a grip, well done! you have never known what it's like to live with a man that thinks it's clever to destroy what you like, enjoy or admire, just because these silly things make you happy.

5318008 · 30/05/2011 21:39

no don't do tit for tat, you can get locked into a cycle of he did she did, pointless and ineffective and mentally v draining

tell us more about his track record

cookielove · 30/05/2011 21:40

I have done something very similar to my dp, we had been shopping and went to get a Maccy d's i being so healthy decided to have a Mc chicken sandwich and he had a big mac, as we sat down to eat i really wanted a bite of his, i think i motion to him that i wanted a bit but basically took it and took a huge bite. So any who he binned it, all of it the chips to, and his drink, it was the principle of it, i had taken something that was his and he didn't want it after that. He did bitch and moan for the rest of the day about how hungry he was.

So for your side i think not being over sensitive i can see where your coming from, i really don't think this is a warning sign of anything, but who i am i to say i am the burger eater after all. I would just go over it though, its not really that bad.

Selks · 30/05/2011 21:41

"Yes, he is a knob. What else can I say. He has a track record - I should know better really."

Why are you with him?

Sounds like there are far bigger problems going on than a rice tower getting knocked over.

HerHissyness · 30/05/2011 21:41

"I'm going to spoil something for him. It's the only way I can get through to him."

Don't kid yourself. You can't change him or fight fire with fire. the best way to get through to him is to stick his stuff in a bin bag and deliver it to his work.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/05/2011 21:42

For the posters who say it's 'just rice'; anticipation means something to the OP - and to me as well. If I go out for dinner I'm interested in presentation, not to put my face down in the plate, only lifting it to breathe or order yet more lager. Hmm

Groovee · 30/05/2011 21:42

I once cried at dh who mixed my nice cocktail up with a straw and called him common in the middle of the nice restaurant we were in. I'd have stabbed him with the fork!

MalkieFraser · 30/05/2011 21:42

I think it also depends on the way in which it was done. My husband and I can be quite jokingly mean spirited with each other, he has a habit of digging the brightest red Thai Sweet Chilli crisp out of the bag and putting it to one side so he can relish it (odd) and if I spot it I'll cram it into my cakehole just cause. He's been known to covet the pastry off my steak pie that I've been saving til last then snatch it off my plate. If someone else observed our childish behaviour I wonder if they'd think RED FLAG - What else is going on?Bully! What happens behind closed doors!! Unless your husband destroyed your rice while veins throbbed on his red sweating forehead then I think those who have stated there are other issues are a bit off the mark.

bubblecoral · 30/05/2011 21:43

I think it depends just how much you had been going on about the rice tbh!

I know this is going to be a very unpopular thing to say, but I think it's quite unladylike to go on about food in that sort of way, but then over talking about food is something that I generally find unattractive.

Yanbu to be annoyed that he messed with your food, but I think yabu to be quite so upset about it hours later.

bringinghomethebacon · 30/05/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pumpster · 30/05/2011 21:45

I agree, need to know more really. Was he playing? Is he normally mean?

activate · 30/05/2011 21:45

Is everybody 12?

MadamDeathstare · 30/05/2011 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandemoniaa · 30/05/2011 21:47

It is only rice but actually, it's the principle that matters. Only I can't imagine any circumstance whatsoever where I'd interfere with a meal that anyone else was eating. I'd not even help myself to a chip, let alone mash in and destroy something on another person's plate. Be they my dp, dcs or anyone!

MadamDeathstare · 30/05/2011 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madonnawhore · 30/05/2011 21:51

What a spiteful, petty thing for him to do.

Even if you were talking about nothing but the rice for the whole evening, that would make you boring, sure, but it still wouldn't justify him deliberately sabotaging something he knew you were looking forward to.

MooMooFarm · 30/05/2011 21:52

He sounds horrible - I would have spat in his Shock

bubblecoral · 30/05/2011 21:52

I see what you mean MadameDeathstare, I think it's probably just one of my 'things'

I think theres a difference in discussing recipes though, and talking a lot about how much you are looking forward to eating something in particular. To me it just seems gluttonous, and quite offputting.

CornflowerB · 30/05/2011 21:53

It completely depends on how often this kind of thing happens and the OP has hinted that it happens frequently. Also, by the sounds of things she didn't go on about it, she had only mentioned once that she liked the look of it, so it was quite a nasty thing to do really. I wouldn't do it back to him - you will lose any chance of getting him to see that it is an unpleasant thing to do if you are doing it too! Maybe leave it for the moment and discuss it again in a day or so. Explain to him how it made you feel, not 'you're such a bastard'. At the moment he might feel a bit foolish and defensive about the whole thing.

supercal · 30/05/2011 21:53

Hmm

well, context is key here

What is your relationship like normally?

Because this could have just been having a childish laugh
Or, it could signify a disrespectful and bullying attitude towards you.

So hard to know whether it is something to move on from or just the tip of the riceberg

sandyballs · 30/05/2011 21:54

Have I missed something? It's rice, I really think you are over reacting!! And all this 'red flag' bollocks!! Astounding

fedupofnamechanging · 30/05/2011 21:56

If he did this with the sole intention of upsetting you, then he is not a good person and you need to look at why you are with such a man.

If he genuinely didn't 'get' that you were really looking forward to this and was behaving childishly and being a bit of a prat, then this is not so serious and is just annoying. Of course, you then have to decide whether you want to put up with childishness in the behaviour of a grown man.

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