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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don' think I am. Wedding dress etiquette for guests

113 replies

gapants · 30/05/2011 20:30

I am about 4.5m pregnant, I have 4 weddings this summer. I have seen a dress I am going to buy when I get paid, and wear it to all 4 weddings. It will see me through till late summer when I will be BIG.

I have described said dress to close girlfriends to get their opinions. All sound favourable

One of my good mates (one who knows about the dress) tells me she has bought a dress, she is over at mine, we look. Oooh ahh, it is very pretty. then we look at the one I am planning on buying. Mate is all stressed as it is similar to the one she has. similar colour/cut. One has sleeves one doesn't, one will have a heavily pregnant me in it, the other a size 6 hottie. I am non plussed. Friend starts asking me, well are you going to still buy it/wear it?It is really very similar isn't it? We are both going to 2 of the 4 weddings.

I am thinking, well yeah they are a bit similar, but I am 34 not 18, I am just not fussed if they are and we wear them to the same wedding. I just cant seem to see that it is a big deal and given the limited options out there for stylish maternity wear, I am a bit irked that she has decided to make an issue about it.

So, AIBU to still buy/wear it? Not that this is important to me, but I did describe my dress 1st!

Gawd. Tragic really!

OP posts:
Tortington · 30/05/2011 20:32

id be pissed off if i arrived at a wedding and my dress was similar to someone elses

Yama · 30/05/2011 20:33

Buy it, wear it, ignore your friend.

chocolatehobnobs · 30/05/2011 20:35

YANBU>If she has an issue with you wearing a similar dress she should change hers as it would be much more difficult for you to get a dress you like as much - and you don't care so why would you bother going to the trouble of choosing another.

wineandcheese · 30/05/2011 20:35

What Yama said.

WhoAteMySnickers · 30/05/2011 20:35

YANBU. Buy it and wear it. You are going to look completely different.

Tommy · 30/05/2011 20:35

it's a wedding - everyone will be looking at the bride anyway Smile

when you're pregnant and going out, you just want something that's comfy and doesn't look too bad.... if your friend is that bothered by it, she should be the one to buy a different dress

boysrock · 30/05/2011 20:36

Can you put the two dresses next to each other and work out how similar they are?

If they are similar then I think your friend needs to change her dress. After all a "size 6 hottie" can wear anything whereas a pregnant woman has a limited choice in what will look halfway decent. Or so I foound anyway.

jumpinghoops · 30/05/2011 20:36

I wouldn't care in the slightest. Buy the dress.

boysrock · 30/05/2011 20:36

slow typing, cross posted with everyone.

pozzled · 30/05/2011 20:37

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I arrived at a wedding and someone had a similar dress. In the situation you describe I think it's a complete non-issue.

And like you say, you found your dress first even if you haven't bought it yet. If she's that bothered she can probably find an alternative more easily than you can.

BlueFergie · 30/05/2011 20:38

Oh I don't get that thing of being pissed off if someone is wearing similiar/ same dress. I don't give a shit about stuff like that.

I suppose if it was a good friend and she would be really upset if I bought it then I would get something else. Only because I don't like upsetting my friends. However if I really couldn't find anything else that I liked/ was affordable then I would tell her and would expect her to understand that I need to get it.

cat64 · 30/05/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MissPenteuth · 30/05/2011 20:38

If your friend is that bothered then she should find an alternative dress.

chirpchirp · 30/05/2011 20:38

YANBU, as long as your dress isn't white and has a veil!

SarahBumBarer · 30/05/2011 20:39

Yanbu

Plus being pg, you get "dibs" anyway since it's soooo much harder to find an outfit you are happy with

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/05/2011 20:39

If your friend is concerned she should change her dress.

If she's never been pregnant she migt not realise how limited maternity wear for 'nice' occasions is. tell her you are buying it and the reason why give her plenty of notice (and the chance to return her dress).

LunaticFringe · 30/05/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beesimo · 30/05/2011 20:41

Your friend is unfair it is would be very easy for her to buy a budget new dress if she is so bothered finding something nice to wear for a wedding is a nightmare when your expecting.

AgentZigzag · 30/05/2011 20:41

Remembering the hassle trying to get hold of maternity clothes with DD2, your friend should definately get another dress if she's bothered by the similarity.

Unless it's exactly the same dress (in which case you've both got good taste Grin) who's going to scrutinise you both that much?

herbietea · 30/05/2011 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 20:44

Thanks everyone, I am pleased that all bar one are sort of on the same page as me. I just don't give a fig about looking similar.

That being said bluefergie I am slightly of the same mind as you as I do not want to upset my mate. Still, I feel like I am the one with the limited options!

custardo, really, would you? Surely you would get over it pretty quickly?

I left it with me saying, oh well I will still order it and we can see how they look next to each other.

Still if I love it, then I think I will wear it.

And yes, my friend is stunning, very very pretty, she looks sort of like Kate Moss/Vanessa Paradis. IMO she could wear a bin bag and look chic.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 30/05/2011 20:44

Lolat Lunatic's weepy Doppleganger! I would have posed for pics with you Lunatic!

OP buy your dress and wear it...your mate is being ridiculous. You, as the pregnant one get the first choice as it is harder to dress when you're in that state.

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 20:45

Ooooh lost more posts, thanks guys. Am feeling a lot better about it.

OP posts:
koekje · 30/05/2011 20:47

I went to a wedding once where not TWO but THREE girls had the same dress, from Coast I think. It got to being could we all spot them at the same time...

Plus another girl said that this dress was so popular she had actually sold hers previously on eBay for more than she paid.

KatieMiddleton · 30/05/2011 20:48

YANBU. She needs to grow up or get some fabulous accessories.

Although I'm not sure I'd like to be stood next to a size 6 Twiglet wearing an identical dress when I'm heavily pregnant...

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