Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don' think I am. Wedding dress etiquette for guests

113 replies

gapants · 30/05/2011 20:30

I am about 4.5m pregnant, I have 4 weddings this summer. I have seen a dress I am going to buy when I get paid, and wear it to all 4 weddings. It will see me through till late summer when I will be BIG.

I have described said dress to close girlfriends to get their opinions. All sound favourable

One of my good mates (one who knows about the dress) tells me she has bought a dress, she is over at mine, we look. Oooh ahh, it is very pretty. then we look at the one I am planning on buying. Mate is all stressed as it is similar to the one she has. similar colour/cut. One has sleeves one doesn't, one will have a heavily pregnant me in it, the other a size 6 hottie. I am non plussed. Friend starts asking me, well are you going to still buy it/wear it?It is really very similar isn't it? We are both going to 2 of the 4 weddings.

I am thinking, well yeah they are a bit similar, but I am 34 not 18, I am just not fussed if they are and we wear them to the same wedding. I just cant seem to see that it is a big deal and given the limited options out there for stylish maternity wear, I am a bit irked that she has decided to make an issue about it.

So, AIBU to still buy/wear it? Not that this is important to me, but I did describe my dress 1st!

Gawd. Tragic really!

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 30/05/2011 20:49

I think it's a bit unfair that everyone is saying she should change her dress, because she has already bought hers, you haven't! Maybe she can't afford to buy another dress.

If I were you I would look for something else that is suitable, and only buy the dress that is simelar to your friends if you really genuinely can't find anything else.

I wouldn't want to be wearing something very simelar to someone else, and I would think it completely unreasonable for someone to knowingly go out and buy a dress that was very simelar to mine, especially if they also knew that even if it didn't make them uncomfortable, it made me uncomfortable. I really wouldn't expect a friend to do that to me.

The only thing you have in your favour is that you are pregnant, so it is understandably harder for you to find something. Not impossible though, there are a lot of nice maternity dresses out there nowadays.

EightiesChick · 30/05/2011 20:51

What colour is it? If it's one of this season's popular colours, then the chances are there will be other women at the wedding in the same colour, even if not cut. Let's face it, unless you are one of the very few people buying couture, it's pretty likely that someone else will have a dress similar to your in some way. I would wear yours. But do tell your friend asap so he has a fair chance to make a decision about her own.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/05/2011 20:55

bubblecoral if I read the op correctly , the dress the op was going to get had been dicussed before the firnd bought hers...

so the friend bought knowingly...

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 20:59

bubblecoral But i had told them about the dress in detail and had it "saved" in my bag, so in essence, she has gazzumped me! I could not afford to get it until pay day.

Mate is not short of cash.

It is a popular colour I think, very summery, although the dress I am getting is a slightly darker tone, hers is more fresh. Coral colour

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 30/05/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooGooMuck · 30/05/2011 21:00

I can see why your friend is pissed off, she's bought her dress already, and you are just thinking about getting it.

But having been pregnant and feeling like a whale at a do, YANBU. Explain to her that you are sorry she's upset about it, but there are less options available to you in maternity wear.

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:01

katiemiddleton I know, I mean I am going to look like a bit of a blimp regardless, so any small advantage I can get WRT feeling and looking good I think is justified!

OP posts:
PrincessJenga · 30/05/2011 21:02

This might go completely against the thread, but where did you find this gorgeous dress? Any chance of a link? I'm off to a wedding this weekend and can't find ANYTHING to wear.

harrietthespook · 30/05/2011 21:03

FFS! It's a couple of hours out of her life. I can't even remotely imagine getting worked up about this esp as you described it first and are pregnant. She needs to get a life.

piprabbit · 30/05/2011 21:03

TBH I'd just get the dress you like...
You can't go chopping and changing what you may or may not wear on the chance that someone may wear something similar. If you and your friend have both picked up on seasonal colours/trends then you won't be the only ones at the wedding wearing that sort of dress.

MsVelvet · 30/05/2011 21:06

Bloody hell the dress is similar not the exactly the same, she needs to get a grip...Don't change it now, I can imagine how difficult it is to find a dress you are comfortable in when being pregnant and she should stop being so dramatic.

bubblecoral · 30/05/2011 21:07

If she really truly knew all the details about the dress you were planning to buy, then fair enough, make her change if it bothers her.

It does seem strange that if she knew what coulur you were going to buy, with cut and length and everything, that she would buy the same, especially if this is something that bothers her.

Generally I would say that if you were shopping together, the pregnant one gets first choice. Same if you were looking through catalogues or whatever.

But if she already owns the dress and you don't, I just think it would be a bit odd to deliberately do something that would upset your friend when you have other options.

CoffeeDodger · 30/05/2011 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:08

the dress

OP posts:
supercal · 30/05/2011 21:10

Can you post links to both dresses please so we can be armed with all the pertinent information before deciding Wink

HavePatience · 30/05/2011 21:11

Wow, people really care about someone else wearing the same dress that they are wearing? Surely it looks different on everyone. If that happened to me, I'd just laugh it off. What does it really matter? It's a dress... Maybe I'm missing something. Confused.
Trying...
nope. I honestly cannot understand why someone would be upset if someone was wearing the same dress. Especially at a wedding. It's about the bride. No one is going to care that you're wearing the same dress as someone else.

If I saw two people wearing the same dress, I'd also not think it was a big deal.

AgentZigzag · 30/05/2011 21:11

The OP's not making her friend change her dress, it's her friend that doesn't like the similarity.

OP couldn't give a shit, she's actually found something she likes that'll fit her Grin

HavePatience · 30/05/2011 21:13

oh I just noticed it's not even the same dress. Just the same style. Why is this even an issue?

supercal · 30/05/2011 21:14

ha, x-posts

lovely dress
but can we see your friend's one too, please, for comparison purposes?

HavePatience - crucial point: the OP and her friend aren't planning on wearing the same dress, but similar dresses.

AgentZigzag · 30/05/2011 21:16

My last post was to bubble, sorry.

It's a gorgeous dress OP

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:16

bluecoral I have looked and looked and seen nothing else I like, I see what you are saying though....

TBH I very much doubt she would have bought the dress thinking about what anyone else would be wearing, or that it would have clicked that it is similar to the dress I like.

What you are saying is very much the grizzle I for-see with my mate, and I cant help but want to scream- I am pregnant I have the choice of about 10 dresses! You have the whole lardy high street!

Oh well, it is good to get differing opinions, it does help to make me think.

OP posts:
Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:19

agentzigzag I think I love you. Thanks

The other dress

I hope the link works.

Do your worst MN.

{{{{{{frets}}}}}}}}

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 30/05/2011 21:20

Pretty dress but is it going to be hot as that dress is 100% polyester and pregnant and polyester on a hot day - well you may be a little uncomfortable.

bubblecoral · 30/05/2011 21:25

They really are quite simelar aren't they!? Smile

But they are classic pregnancy style dress, and for that reason alone, you should get to wear it. I have changed my mind!

I actually think that stlye of dress only looks good with the bump underneath, so your friend is likely to run the risk of looking pregnant herself, or not looking as good in it as you do. You would be doing her a favour by encouraging her to change.

I hope you know what I mean by that and that it doesn't come across quite as badly as I'm sure it reads! I really don't mean that in a horrible way Blush

supercal · 30/05/2011 21:26

OK, well -

AGAINST YOU WEARING IT:
-If you're going to be standing together a lot, one could be forgiven for thinking you were bridesmaids, with the same colour of dress in similar but slightly different styles.
-The overall shape is definitely the same.
-The colour is the same

FOR YOU WEARING IT:
-Yours is described as coral, her's as tangerine, so may be quite different colour in the flesh?
-Yours is chiffon, hers is polyester
-You are pregnant, she is not, she has more choice
-It seems that coral is 'in' for Summer 2011, so it's likely there will be more than two of you prancing about at the weddings in a coral frock