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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don' think I am. Wedding dress etiquette for guests

113 replies

gapants · 30/05/2011 20:30

I am about 4.5m pregnant, I have 4 weddings this summer. I have seen a dress I am going to buy when I get paid, and wear it to all 4 weddings. It will see me through till late summer when I will be BIG.

I have described said dress to close girlfriends to get their opinions. All sound favourable

One of my good mates (one who knows about the dress) tells me she has bought a dress, she is over at mine, we look. Oooh ahh, it is very pretty. then we look at the one I am planning on buying. Mate is all stressed as it is similar to the one she has. similar colour/cut. One has sleeves one doesn't, one will have a heavily pregnant me in it, the other a size 6 hottie. I am non plussed. Friend starts asking me, well are you going to still buy it/wear it?It is really very similar isn't it? We are both going to 2 of the 4 weddings.

I am thinking, well yeah they are a bit similar, but I am 34 not 18, I am just not fussed if they are and we wear them to the same wedding. I just cant seem to see that it is a big deal and given the limited options out there for stylish maternity wear, I am a bit irked that she has decided to make an issue about it.

So, AIBU to still buy/wear it? Not that this is important to me, but I did describe my dress 1st!

Gawd. Tragic really!

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 30/05/2011 21:27

Also if she likes the dress so much hers comes in other colours.

AgentZigzag · 30/05/2011 21:28

Only think gapants? Grin

I'm a fashion idiot so know nothing about the nuances of clothes, but even I can tell they're different dresses.

Similar in colour and style, but like you say, the fact they're being worn by totally different people will negate that.

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:28

bluecorral thank you for your post! Honestly my mate would look good in ANYTHING.

OK, well I am going to buy it, try it and if I love it then broach the subject with her. Hopefully she will have realised that she is being a bit silly about it.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 30/05/2011 21:29

Lawks but some people have tiny, superficial lives! The dress is gorgeous but not so wildly original that a size 6 person wearing something sort of like it is going to look anything like her pregnant friend. But actually, why do people care so very much about wearing vaguely similar clothes? Unless you have the money to have all your clothes designed specifically for you, there's a very good chance you'll go to an event in a similar outfit to someone else.

Go ahead and get it, wear it to the wedding and have a lovely time!

CurlyCasper · 30/05/2011 21:31

don't think you should change dress, however, I hope you are not too tall, because even as a maternity dress, yours does not look as if there is much room for a bump without it showing off your knickers at the front!Grin

PaperView · 30/05/2011 21:31

I can see why they are similar but TBH her dress looks like the maternity one.

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:33

supercal I love making for/against lists! I especially like that I came out slightly ahead Grin

I might just have to show her this thread....

I have been looking at other dresses tonight and I have ordered something else, but it is not my usual style- it has embellishments {shudder} but am going to see how it will look. See, flexible!

OP posts:
Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:34

note to self-- but orange knickers

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 30/05/2011 21:39

gapants, I am pregnant and going to a wedding in July and can testify that it is next to impossible to get a nice maternity dress for a wedding so IMO you should get whatever dress you want. If she is slim and gorgeous there should be no shortage of dresses for her to buy.

Bohica · 30/05/2011 21:42

Both dresses are ovely but they are different dresses in early the same colour so if your friend is that worried she should choose a different colour.

TrillianAstra · 30/05/2011 21:42

Why would a non-pregnant person wear a big puffy dress like that? You would be doing her a favour if you persuaded her to get a different dress.

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/05/2011 21:45

I so agree Trills - size 6 hottie should be in a more fitted dress surely?

But I'd still think twice about long sleeved polyester for summer weddings if I were you.

PrincessJenga · 30/05/2011 21:47

Thank you! It's a lovely dress Smile

I also realised I didn't actually point out that YANBU, but if your friend hasn't been pregnant before she probably has no idea how hard it is to find nice clothes. I'd suggest a heart-to-heart: "sorry if you're worried about us wearing a similar dress, but I really can't find anything else suitable. If it worries you is there any chance you could find something else? You're stunning so I bet you could find something gorgeous."

Oh, and FWIW, I've bought a non-maternity empire line dress from Dorothy Perkins for my weddings this summer. It was only £25 and by buying it a few sizes bigger it fits comfortably over my bump. I'm going to dress it up with gorgeous shoes, bag and jewelry.I can't find it online, but it's a plain version of this (I know it doesn't look like much here, but it works!)

Original poster
gapants · 30/05/2011 21:52

princessjenga I was thinking about going for a maxi, but halter-necks hurt my back these days.

I am feeling really good about the dress thing now. Thanks everyone!

mrscampbell you make a good point about the material and comfort, so i will consider that, but usually I feel the cold. Unless it is a scorcher, then yes I will be screwed!

OP posts:
NellieForbush · 30/05/2011 22:03

If she has a problem she should get a different dress.

Likewise if you have a problem you should. But if you're happy wear it.

Although they seem similar on the picture I think the overall effect will be totally different.

If I was a size 6 hottie I wouldn't choose that dress though.

She may have purchased it first but it was a bit of a technicality by the sound of it.

takethisonehereforastart · 30/05/2011 23:51

Your dress is nicer.

And the only real similar thing is the colour, which she would have known since you described it to her.

If she has a problem she should change her dress, otherwise she needs to get over it and make the most of hers with accessories.

blackeyedsusan · 31/05/2011 00:02

the sleeves no sleeves make them look very different. the colour is the thing that makes them similar.. and possibly their length.. but as people are saying if this is this summers colour then someone else is bound to be wearing the same colour.

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 00:04

I'm going to be perfectly honest.

I don't like either dress (not that it matters of course!) both are shapeless and just simply do nothing for the figure..pregnant bump or not, the material just 'hangs there' if you see what I mean.

That said, it looks very comfortable and if you're pregnant I think that's the main thing.

If your friend is as slim and pretty as you say she is, she is being unreasonable for not going for something sexy/smart that shows her figure off...though of course not every slim person is comfortable with their body.

Does she have kids of her own and does she understand what it's like trying to find an outfit when pregnant? Perhaps if not, that's why she doesn't understand?

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 00:06

I just read my post back and it sounds horrible..not how I meant it at all OP, sorry Sad

heleninahandcart · 31/05/2011 00:23

You wear your dress. FFS if she's that bothered she can put a contrasting belt with it, will look completely different. Sorted.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/05/2011 00:49

ok,well tbh they do look almost the same ......

would you really mind if she wore that dress (no 2)

my bf and i were at a wedding and went to the loo and someone came out wearing the dress she was and she was gutted :(

SockShitter · 31/05/2011 01:00

Buy it. Explain you looked everywhere and there were no other dresses. Cry if you must. It isn't all about her, and tbh you guys won't be the only ones wearing that dress, is she asking the bride for a guest list so she can tell everyone else coral is out?!

Pandemoniaa · 31/05/2011 01:08

Let's hope that life never delivers your bf anything worth worrying about then, Blondeshavvemorefun. Gutted, ffs!

garlicbutter · 31/05/2011 01:12

I like your dress :) Good find!

Your friend's being a tad U. It's not the same dress, yours has sleeves. And a bump inside it.

If she's worried about it, she's the one who needs to find a different outfit - you've already performed the correct etiquette by showing her what you've chosen.

But, really, if she's going to get freaked when anybody else wears something quite similar to her, she's in for a difficult summer! She might do well to take a spare to each wedding.

MrsFlittersnoop · 31/05/2011 01:23

OFFFS. No one cares. Your dress is lovely. Really Nice! :) Wear what you want.

NO ONE WILL BE LOOKING AT YOU,