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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don' think I am. Wedding dress etiquette for guests

113 replies

gapants · 30/05/2011 20:30

I am about 4.5m pregnant, I have 4 weddings this summer. I have seen a dress I am going to buy when I get paid, and wear it to all 4 weddings. It will see me through till late summer when I will be BIG.

I have described said dress to close girlfriends to get their opinions. All sound favourable

One of my good mates (one who knows about the dress) tells me she has bought a dress, she is over at mine, we look. Oooh ahh, it is very pretty. then we look at the one I am planning on buying. Mate is all stressed as it is similar to the one she has. similar colour/cut. One has sleeves one doesn't, one will have a heavily pregnant me in it, the other a size 6 hottie. I am non plussed. Friend starts asking me, well are you going to still buy it/wear it?It is really very similar isn't it? We are both going to 2 of the 4 weddings.

I am thinking, well yeah they are a bit similar, but I am 34 not 18, I am just not fussed if they are and we wear them to the same wedding. I just cant seem to see that it is a big deal and given the limited options out there for stylish maternity wear, I am a bit irked that she has decided to make an issue about it.

So, AIBU to still buy/wear it? Not that this is important to me, but I did describe my dress 1st!

Gawd. Tragic really!

OP posts:
5DollarShake · 31/05/2011 02:07

She knew what yours was like before she bought hers. She has created this situation, not you. If going in such similar dresses is such a problem for her, then what was she thinking when she bought the dress? Confused

YANBU.

HavePatience · 31/05/2011 08:19

I STILL don't get why people are so upset or disappointed when someone in the same vicinity happens to be wearing the same dress that they are... unless you knit all of your own clothing yourself from your own unique patterns, this is something that might happen.... wherever you go.

What exactly is it that makes people gutted or sad or unhappy when this happens? I do not understand.

Can someone explain this to me?

I understand that everyone is an individual and wants to be unique, but if at one event lasting hours of your lifetime, someone else happens to be in the same dress, so what? I can totally understand if you're the bride and someone was wearing the same dress that you are - but that is the only circumstance that I can see where being upset about this would make sense - because it would just be silly to wear a wedding dress if it wasn't your wedding. However, I think if at my wedding someone was wearing the same dress, I probably wouldn't have cared. I was just focused on having a great day with friends, family and my husband. Truly - I probably would have laughed at it in a "who wears a wedding dress to someone else's wedding?" kind of way, but wouldn't have been upset or angry with the person, just Confused

TrillianAstra · 31/05/2011 08:22

I agree with goblin - if she gets upset at anyone wearing a similar (not even identical) dress she's in for a difficult summer, and I'd recommend that she find vintage or not-for-sale-in-this-country outfits to avoid the Coast effect.

pallymama · 31/05/2011 08:38

I agree with all the posters who think it's a bit odd to be upset over others wearing similar clothes, and especially with 5DollarShake's post.

If you're friend had a problem with you both wearing the same colour dress, why on earth did she buy one in the same colour?? Confused
You said she knew which dress you were planning to buy and wear, and yet she has knowingly bought one to match! (in colour only!)

I'd have said "Yes, I'll still get it, don't worry, I don't mind you bought one to match" smile sweetly and leave her to it. Her issue, not yours.

changeforthebetter · 31/05/2011 08:49

Life is really too short for this, really it is. I think if you have found something that will accommodate your bump, you like it and it will do four weddings then buy it, wear it and enjoy the parties. Your friend will have to lump it. Has she got nothing else to worry about?? Hmm

Enjoy the weddings and good luck with the baby Smile

PS I wore a purple velvetty dress to a wedding when 6 month pg - I looked like a monster aubergine Grin (no relevance, just sharing Grin

DirtyMartini · 31/05/2011 08:49

YANBU at all, and I am also very surprised that there are people who mind about having the same or similar dress on. What is the thinking behind getting upset over something like this? I genuinely don't get it. Am aghast at the story of the woman who cried Shock.

I can understand why, say, in the 18th century when society women wore massively expensive investment gowns to make appearances at balls on which their entire economic/social future depended on catching the eye of the right suitor, it might have been a serious practical problem and therefore upsetting Hmm.

But now? In 2011? And at someone else's wedding? Really?

chimchar · 31/05/2011 08:50

i love your dress op.

i wouldn't even consider changing it. they are similar, but different enough, and i'm sure you will both accessorise differently.

you should decide what colour you're going to go with for bag/shoes/hat etc... and tell her, so that she can then do different.

Smile
QuackQuackSqueak · 31/05/2011 08:50

I don't think they will look the same at all seeing as one has sleeves and the other doesn't!

Every wedding I have ever been to there has been multiple people wearing the same colour, it's what always happen because people usually go shopping and buy what colours are in fashion.

She's being silly!

TrillianAstra · 31/05/2011 08:53

How my colours are there?

If this is "the same" and it is called variously coral or tangerine.

If there are 100 guests at a wedding, half of them women, then we need to find 50 different colours for your friend to be happy.

And not Farrow&Ball different colours but properly different.

Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue....

Wormshuffler · 31/05/2011 08:58

Your friends dress will look awful after a wash.............all those pleats, and it is un ironable. That doesn't really answer your question though, YANBU.

EightiesChick · 31/05/2011 09:09

Agree that your friend's dress is an odd choice. If I were a size 6 I would be wearing body con! I think she would be doing herself a favour to get a different and more close-fitting dress instead.

On the colour front, there will almost certainly be other people there in some shade of coral - it's a popular colour this season - so I really wouldn't worry. She can't expect to look unique.

EightiesChick · 31/05/2011 09:12

I am off to a wedding myself on Saturday (still need to find something to wear - eek!) and am looking for a blue/navy wrap/empire line dress. It would be highly unreasonable of me to imagine that no-one else will show up in a blue or navy dress of a similar cut. But who cares? They won't look like me. It's a low self-esteem thing to worry about it.

Original poster
gapants · 31/05/2011 09:20

Thanks everyone, in fairness to my mate, she is quite fussy and i know she really loves this dress. I do feel a bit bad for her, but at the same time there is so little out there for under £50 that I would wear.

Just so I can say I have looked, last night I looked on the following-
New Look
Mamas and Papas
Crave
Fun Mums
Topshop
Mothercare
Dorothy Ps
Next
Jojomamaetbebe
Verbudet
Isabella Oliver

I am hoping my friend has thought about it and realised that she is worrying about nothing, I mean NO ONE is going to be looking at either of us. We are at a wedding!

OP posts:
oohlaalaa · 31/05/2011 09:23

YANBU

xstitch · 31/05/2011 09:29

YANBU. For a start there is no way you are going to look the same. If she feels so strongly about it it would be easier for her to get an alternative rather than you.

ruffletheanimal · 31/05/2011 09:36

good grief, i agree with you OP, buy it and wear it, your friend is a nutter. i cannot imagine getting worked up about that.

YesterdaysPants · 31/05/2011 09:37

ASOS have some lovely maternity stuff, I love your dress Smile

I've got my eye on this maxidress - I know you said you weren't keen as straps might hurt but this looks comfy?

Having said that, I agree that your friend should swop her dress for a different colour. Hold your nerve if you love the dress, and as someone else said, cry if necessary! I think it's quite a distinctive colour, it's the colour that's the main event with both dresses iyswim.

Eglu · 31/05/2011 09:43

YANBU. They are similar but your friend is going to look so different in hers to you.

xstitch · 31/05/2011 09:48

The dress is lovely. Thanks for the link, I had been wondering where to get maternity stuff and they have some nice stuff.

DoMeDon · 31/05/2011 09:51

YANBU - you will look totally different - although I don't like either dress Sad sorry!

COCKadoodledooo · 31/05/2011 10:00

OP - can you get all of your friends to buy exactly the same dress as her so they all turn up exactly the same, flash-mob stylee? Grin

She needs to get over herself.

Original poster
gapants · 31/05/2011 10:01

domedon no problem, I know the dress I like has a certain sack like quality to it!
yesterdayspants that maxi dress is very nice, but not sure about the colour...also I have good legs and not so great upper arms, so the one I like I feel will hide/flatter the necessary areas.

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 31/05/2011 10:02

YANBU at all. As others have said, wearing that style of dress next to you, people will probably assume she is pregnant too. Not your problem!

I know you've looked everywhere, but this looks kind of similar to me. (Much lovelier colour too IMO... I personally can't stand 'rusty' shades).

DoMeDon · 31/05/2011 10:06

It's the colour for me - think it will look great on you throughout a heavily pg summer if you have great legs Smile

sausagesandmarmelade · 31/05/2011 10:08

If you like this dress and you have set your heart on it...then go ahead and buy it.

You said that although they are similar they are not the same...one has sleeves, the other doesn't....

No problem!