To want to throttle women who talk their kids in REALLY LOUD VOICES

[bbird1]

in public for no apparent reason. It's just bloody annoying. Just pipe down ffs!

No bbird you are spectacularly missing the point. The point is you have absolutely no idea whether people are "posturing" or whether there is a need for them to interact with their children in that way, as this thread has demonstrated. And even if they are showing off (which I doubt) - apart from you momentarily thinking "twat" before moving on with your life, it impacts on you - how, exactly?

bbird you can't tell people to stop posting just because you don't like what they are saying, or the conversation has moved in a direction you didn't expect.

I think that telling people to fuck off is rather an over-reaction TBH.

SardineQueen... I was thinking about the train journey actually. 45 minutes is quite a time to be in a small space and if people don't understand why someone would be speaking loudly to their child then they get judgemental and tutty, which is upsetting to parent and child, I would think.

silverfrog... You have a penchant for distortion and it's irritating. I didn't say anything about 'detail', nor did I say it was necessary at every occasion of going out. If people are judging you, maybe it's for other reasons. Thankfully, as you've taken pains to point out, you don't care.

Haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to say,
I'm glad if I hear parent's talking to their children in a reasonable way, whatever the volume.
It's the ones who don't talk to their kids who end up with brats, who then get shouted and screamed at.
(Actually I have been known to do that at times too especially in the final stages of hustling everyone out of the front door !)

SardineQueen... I've already conceded that the sentence might not be right, I wouldn't know. Somebody with an SN child would have a better idea of what note to hit, if they were inclined to explain or comment.

In my experience, and I have plenty, if a child has SN (especially ASD and ADHD) a calm, clear and simple way of talking is most effective. Being loud or shouting can be very confusing.

But lying you can see that if someone is using public transport, for them to have to walk up and down the carriage/bus/tube approaching strangers and explaining themselves and offering their apologies would just be a really awful way to have to live your life?

People don't expect old people on zimmer frames, or people in wheelchairs, or people with tics or persistent loud coughs to go around apologising to everyone the whole time. But they expect it when children are involved. I think this is another example of how people are intolerant of children, TBH, rather than anything to do with loud voices. I have been on trains with all sorts of people being loud - teenagers, young men drinking, old posh people, businesspeople on mobiles, hundreds of different sorts of people are loud. Yet the only group anyone expects to apologise to the world are those with children. It's a bit shit, frankly.

But I think both my DD and myself are slightly NNT, which could certainly contribute to us talking with each other in an extra focused and slightly louder than usual way, otherwise we could both easily disengage from the conversation/ lose track of what the other person is saying.
Just pointing out that it's not just children who can have SN, sometimes parents do too. At the end of the day we're all different, and communicate with others in slightly different ways because of this.
Live and let live !

manicbmc - what you have said sounds eminently sensible and rather makes a mockery of what a lot of the posters have been saying on this thread.

SardineQueen, yes that would be. It wasn't how I pictured it though. I was picturing a train, with two seats facing two other seats, a comment being made to the immediate 'neighbours', that's all, not the whole carriage. Do you know what I mean?

I think 'loudness' is generally something that people won't tolerate, or will tolerate it very unwillingly, with tuts and comments under the breath. On a train or in a confined space, volume and irritation seems amplified somehow.

I really didn't mean anything by the crass sentence; I was thinking of something that would stop people commenting (in child's hearing) and upsetting the Mum. It's something I really have no experience of so perhaps shouldn't have commented.

And the OP had several pages of people agreeing with her I gather, before this interesting additional thread of discussion was introduced, concerning SN and possible mitigating circumstances for the behaviour noted.

tbh, LyingWitch - the fact that you suggest that parents of children with SN need explain at all speaks volumes.

on a day to day basis, my life is as I set out in my earliest posts - wittering about which bananas to buy, and looking like I ban haribo form my children's diets in favour of tasty organic lentil shit. so be it. I am sure people judge away, adn think that behind closed doors at home they get all manner of fruitshoots etc - or that the day will come when I will see the light and start giving my girls all the things I deny them right now - the chocolate, and the haribo etc. it won't. because it would make them ill. but I expct I get judged nonetheless.

I have also, at times, been stuck in similar situaitons to the one Pagwatch described - the small room/aircraft cabin/bus/whatever, having the same 3 sentence conversation over and over and over again. with little embellishment, but the odd added detail or correction.

it must be hell for those around us.

but it is no fun for me either.

and anyone who thinks I may be reciting the Gruffalo for the hundredth time on a 20 minute bus journey for fun can again just take a step back, look at the situation and have a think. because it isn't fucking rocket science.

so no, I don't feel the need to explain, whether with or without detail, anythign about my daughter.

and yes, I do still wish that sometimes, people would just think about the whole situation.

x-posts with your most recent post, lyingwitch.

If people are tutting and being annoyed though it's usually because they are the sort of people who do that, and apologising and so on doesn't actually help anything. In fact it can make it worse. In some situations the people who are tutting are actually dying for a ruck and if you basically go and tell them that you are in the wrong it can give them a really good opportunity to tell you off.

Not all people are reasonable, and the people who are tutting and commenting under their breath about a parent talking to their child, of all things, are unlikely to just stop because they are apologised to.

Well, of all the children I have known (and yes, there have been plenty), who have ASD and ADHD, a consistent, calm approach works best. Which is why I said 'in my experience'.

I don't think it is helpful or appropriate frankly to tell all of the parents who have posted on this thread with stories about their children that they are letting them down and not looking after them properly.

My friends child who has sporadic hearing difficulties won't respond better to a quiet voice as he won't hear it.

Oh yes, the OP suggested that in that situation everyone involved should learn sign language.

Fair enough - but to be calm means not being loud.

thank you justaboutWILLfinishherthesis

I still don't see how 'loud' works in that case unless the child has hearing loss.

I am stepping away from this. What, I believe was intended to be a light-hearted thread, has turned.