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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people shouldn't touch a young baby without asking?

82 replies

PSeaGull · 28/05/2011 19:49

First posting but I've been reading avidly since my (now 9 week old) DS was born - mostly while BF at odd times of the day and night.

So, this happened today but similar has happened twice before... I'm standing in a checkout queue with DS on my shoulder - we just nipped in for a couple of things so not worth getting seat etc out of the car - and I notice some movement behind me. The woman behind me has taken DS's hand and is stroking and shoogling it around. At that moment we moved forwards in the queue. Im sure she was just being friendly. But it got me thinking. I wouldn't ever presume to touch a baby I didnt know and even then I wouldn't unless invited to by his / her parents. Seems to me like an invasion of privacy - mine and his. And how does she know he wasn't ill... And was she?!

Apologies for typos - iPhone typing without glasses!

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/05/2011 19:50

YABU

Groovymoves · 28/05/2011 19:51

YABU and precious.

EvilTwins · 28/05/2011 19:51

Get used to it.

bubblecoral · 28/05/2011 19:52

I never liked it when people did this to my PFB, it used to end in me raging to then dp at how rude people could be.

10 years down the line I realise that people are just being friendly, it's no big deal, and people that like babies will assume that the baby likes them too.

said · 28/05/2011 19:52

I think you sound a little uptight. People love touching babies and mean no harm

AgentZigzag · 28/05/2011 19:55

I would ask, and I can understand being ultra protective of your DS, but some people just get overwhelmed by the scrumptiousness of little babies and can't help themselves Smile

Just try to swallow your alarm, definately stop thinking about it in terms of privacy because that's ridiculous, and be glad people appreciate your baby enough to make contact with you both.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 28/05/2011 19:56

This used to get on my nerves too, but people are facinated by how small hands and feet of newborns are, they mean no harm - if it really annoys you just tell them but tbh it doesn't happen for too long.

Beamur · 28/05/2011 19:56

YAB a teensy bit U.
Babies are hard to resist having a little squeeze or touch of, although I do personally not touch other peoples babies.
I've noticed that old ladies in particular love to have a poke or a touch and as it is usually kindly and affectionately done, I've never minded with DD.

gkys · 28/05/2011 19:57

Well, I agree to a certain extent, hand washing issues coughs and colds etc, but its like the touching the bump thing, its meant to be a friendly gesture,

NoobyNoob · 28/05/2011 19:57

I think you're being a bit precious TBH.

She's being friendly, I'd take it as a complement that someone is so interested in your baby and wants to interact with him.

anonacfr · 28/05/2011 19:57

Well I've just had my 3rd and I wouldn't like it.

If they asked, fine, but just stroking a random baby in a checkout queue is rather weird IMO. I love babies but I wouldn't presume to do it myself- why is it alright for others do it?

NomadInNowhere · 28/05/2011 19:58

What has become of our society that another woman can't 'shoo shoo/coo coo /whatever' at a baby any more? I find that really sad. Have no problems with people doing that with my DD and won't with the next one. If it puts a smile on an old ladies face or makes another lonely person smile, good on the baby!

usualsuspect · 28/05/2011 19:59

Didn't we have this thread last night?

NoobyNoob · 28/05/2011 19:59

How would you ask?

'Excuse me, may I touch/play/interact with your baby. I don't have a cold and I'm not a weirdo?'

NomadInNowhere · 28/05/2011 20:00

lol @nooby :)

MrsGravy · 28/05/2011 20:00

I have never understood your point of view to be honest - I've seen it expressed here before. I don't get it. It's just people going a bit gaga over your baby, it's sweet and it's harmless. I'd find it incredibly strange if someone asked me if they could hold my baby's hand - much, much wierder than them just reaching out and stroking it!!

What is it exactly that bothers you? Is it the germs thing? There are loads of airborne germs you know, if germs worry you that much you should probably never leave the house...

TattyDevine · 28/05/2011 20:01

You sound a bit bonkers - "asking" - asking the baby? Or asking you? You dont really OWN the baby you realise.

Did the baby mind?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 28/05/2011 20:01

The only reason I dont do it is because I have read a few of these threads.

I love babies. Its all I can do to stop myself kissing them. I wouldnt kiss them obviously but I would have stroked their little fat hands and touched their dear little toes and perhaps gently ran a finger over a teeny cheek.....

I am too scared now incase the mum starts a thread about some loon in Sainsburys Grin

notnowbernard · 28/05/2011 20:03

I think YABU

YesterdaysPants · 28/05/2011 20:03

YANBU in my opinion actually. I think if the person is in front of you where you can see them, and they're interacting with both of you iyswim it's ok, but to start touching your child without at least smiling and making eye contact with you is not on IMO.

LordOfTheFlies · 28/05/2011 20:03

I totally get you. You know reaaaallly you are being a bit unreasonable but I used to hate it when people presumed to touch my tiny baby son.
How dare they.I used to wash my hands to change his nappy!! I don't know where these people have been.
But you know your DS is edible and other people think so too.

Sirzy · 28/05/2011 20:03

I dont see a problem with it unless the baby is asleep - THEN it annoyed me.

MrsGravy · 28/05/2011 20:03

Well thefirstMrsDeVere, I'd think you were being really sweet if you did that to my little one!

YesterdaysPants · 28/05/2011 20:04

It's sort of like (and sort of not at all like) touching someone else's dog. At least smile and make eye contact with the adult human attached to it.

notnowbernard · 28/05/2011 20:05

Maybe you can fashion your PFBs a bubble-wrap babygro or something... Wink