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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people shouldn't touch a young baby without asking?

82 replies

PSeaGull · 28/05/2011 19:49

First posting but I've been reading avidly since my (now 9 week old) DS was born - mostly while BF at odd times of the day and night.

So, this happened today but similar has happened twice before... I'm standing in a checkout queue with DS on my shoulder - we just nipped in for a couple of things so not worth getting seat etc out of the car - and I notice some movement behind me. The woman behind me has taken DS's hand and is stroking and shoogling it around. At that moment we moved forwards in the queue. Im sure she was just being friendly. But it got me thinking. I wouldn't ever presume to touch a baby I didnt know and even then I wouldn't unless invited to by his / her parents. Seems to me like an invasion of privacy - mine and his. And how does she know he wasn't ill... And was she?!

Apologies for typos - iPhone typing without glasses!

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 28/05/2011 20:39

Nellie, some people take it a a insult to their parenting skills if you point out a dropped toy or lost sock, or say something similar to your medal comment. A simple thankyou would suffice

emptyshell · 28/05/2011 20:39

Aaah someone hurling abuse.... charming hysteria.

If you want a world where people will look out for and help your children... you need NOT to create an environment when innocent acts like a smile, a wave, even (god forbid) a touch of a hand are viewed with suspicion and rudeness - or when your kid trips over, people ARE going to walk on by because if they stop and help - are they going to be thanked? Or are they going to be shouted and screamed at and "how dare you touch my baby"

You get the world you choose - these days I'll fucking well walk on by because sod risking an earful from some princess precious first born mum. It's the world those idiot mummies have created for us all to live in.

NomadInNowhere · 28/05/2011 20:43

If people didn't pick up my daughter's shoes and socks she loves to throw on the floor whenever we go shopping we wouldn't have any left!

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 28/05/2011 20:44

Well, they probably should ask. But, then again, offended parents shouldn't act as if patting their baby on the hand equated to hitting it on the head with a brick and injecting it with anthrax.

NomadInNowhere · 28/05/2011 20:46

Very true empty and thats really sad.
I have blood clotting issues and it is always in the back of my mind 'what if?'
If for example I collapsed/passed out in the worst scenario I would hope to God that someone might help me and maybe give my DD a hug of reassurance or hold her hand so nothing bad happened to her.

NellieForbush · 28/05/2011 20:47

Hurling abuse and hysteria!!! Have you read your last sentence...?

ginmakesitallok · 28/05/2011 20:49

YANBU!!!!!! Picking up shoes, cooing and talking to baby is one thing - but YANBU about being annoyed about people touching your baby. My PFB is 7 now and PSB is 18 months and although I know I don't own them they are still MINE!!! and I would get very pissed off at folk touching them without speaking to me first. They don't have to ask permission they just have to acknowledge me. Maybe not rational, but at least I'm not like a mother lion and I won't rip their heads off! I think YABU and normal

ziptoes · 28/05/2011 20:51

YABU People can coo over and shoogle my baby as much as they like, as long as she's awake. But if ANYONE wakes her up while she's asleep again I will scream. The other day a security guard leant over shouted in DDs face "aren't you a lovely sleepy baby then". At which point DD's eyes popped open, and the security guard proceeded to tell me she hated my buggy. I felt like saying "I don't give a monkeys about your opinion of my buggy - if you've had kids of your own surely you know better than to wake her up?". Cowbag.

fairydoll · 28/05/2011 20:55

Young babies experience the world mainly through being touched.Cuddled rocked ,held.It is very important and this is why older, wiser people are interacting with your baby in this way.it's not comparable to touching an older child or adult .And by the way you don't own your baby she shouldn't have to have her interactions with everyone else brokered through you.

FunnysInTheGarden · 28/05/2011 20:58

YABU. I am always very proud when someone comments on my baby. People rarely touch them, but if they do then I am quite happy. Esp if it is an older person who may have grandchildren, then I am doubly happy.

MonstaMunch · 28/05/2011 20:59

OP dont be pathetic

rey · 28/05/2011 21:00

YABU.
How would parents feel if people no longer commented on their little one(s), looked the other way for fear of offending, etc.

ginmakesitallok · 28/05/2011 21:01

You might not OWN your baby - but interactions should certainly be brokered by you as you are responsible for her and her safety!

WinkyWinkola · 28/05/2011 21:11

I hated it when my ds1 was a baby. I would get upset about it. Now with ds2 and with dd, I don't mind at all especially if they're crying/tantrumming and some kind soul manages to distract them from it.

I figure that we are not used to touching adult strangers. When we have our first, it can be quite astounding how much interest and affection babies in public can arouse.

It's a big adjustment but I think touch is a good thing. Perhaps we should all touch more often, not just the cute babies! Wink

I am amazed at some of the anger shown on this thread towards those who simply aren't keen full stop. That to me is potty. One is allowed personal preferences on personal space, including one's own baby. Not really worth anger though.

fairydoll · 28/05/2011 21:11

and how is someone stroking her face compromising her safety??

NellieForbush · 28/05/2011 21:16

Young babies experience the world mainly through being touched

Young babies experience the world through all their senses. Not being pawed by an old person in the supermarket will not be detrimental to their wellbeing.

ginmakesitallok · 28/05/2011 21:20

I'm not saying that someone stroking her face is compromising her safety - I'm just saying that as her mother you ARE responsible for brokering her interactions with other people - she can't

AgentZigzag · 28/05/2011 21:21

Please don't say older people 'paw' babies Nellie, they're being friendly and kind and not doing it out of any malice.

swallowedAfly · 28/05/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NellieForbush · 28/05/2011 21:26

I'm sure they mean to be friendly and kind.

Its all about limits though isn't it? And presumably everyone here has a boundary that they would not like a stranger to overstep with their baby? For example picking it out of the pram or giving it a drink. (to be kind)

NomadInNowhere · 28/05/2011 21:27

Why should it be detrimental to their wellbeing Nellie? I am really glad I didn't have the opinion the OP does because I think my friendly little girl (now 19 months) would be a very different person than she is today.
'pawing' sounds like a dog. Old people are not dogs.

NellieForbush · 28/05/2011 21:33

I said "it wont be detrimental".

AgentZigzag · 28/05/2011 21:40

I think it would have sounded better if you'd have just said 'people' instead of 'old people' nellie.

Adding their age kind of insinuates old people are especially unwelcome to touch the precious babies because they're all like old and wrinkly.

NellieForbush · 28/05/2011 21:55

fairydoll mentioned older,wiser people earlier in the thread, hence the 'old' theme. The wrinkly connotations are all yours AgentZigzag.

JockTamsonsBairns · 28/05/2011 22:01

I have 3 DC's and have seen many a poignant moment in checkout queues, tearooms etc when older people have come to coo at each of my babies, and stroked their little hands. I'm not normally over emotional but, to me, there's something quite moving about that contact between the very old and the very young, like it places a perspective on life and mortality . I think it's incredibly sad to deny that happy moment to an old person.

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