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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect mum of fussy child to warn me??

59 replies

crazygracieuk · 27/05/2011 16:08

Dc 1 (10) has a friend who is the same age round for a sleepover. Dc 1 suggested pizza for supper so I bought a couple at Sainsburys where they have an offer of 2 pizzas and 2 sides for a fiver. Child has seen boxes in fridge and announced that he won't eat them because they aretgewrong brand. He turned his nose up at the ice lollies that I have in because they are the wrong brand. It's not an allergy or intolerance.

Aibu to think that the mum should have given me the heads up and warned me? Dc2 is very fussy so I warn mums not to worry about her rejecting food and possibly being hungry. I feel embarrassed that I don't have the right stuff in.

OP posts:

MonstaMunch · 27/05/2011 16:10

dont be so wet,

he will eat when he is hungry

one day without any food if he chooses not to eat wont kill him

LilQueenie · 27/05/2011 16:10

why the kid wants brand name food. The mother of this kid should be embarassed not you.

ShatnersBassoon · 27/05/2011 16:11

Loads of kids get picky when they're at other people's houses. Perhaps his mum hadn't anticipated there being a problem if he's a good eater at home.

Tell him it's that or nothing, and his hunger will almost certainly override his uncertainty.

Punkatheart · 27/05/2011 16:14

Yes, tell the mother. Make her feel embarassed of her own snobbery - this has come from home. Don't pander. I wouldn't - unless it was a genuine allergy or intolerance.

bruffin · 27/05/2011 16:16

My DD's friend is like that, she drives me mad. She is a bit of a drama queen and likes to be centre of attention. I just say to her now either eat it or go without and leave her to it.

SenoritaViva · 27/05/2011 16:16

I also wouldn't worry about it, that's what you have got in, he can try it or go hungry.

MrsDaffodill · 27/05/2011 16:21

I have a fussy one here now. His mother delivered food he would eat at lunch time!

ShatnersBassoon · 27/05/2011 16:21

Who said the mother is a snob? He might only get Tesco Value at home, so that's the brand he'd recognise and be confident to eat. Sainsbury pizzas might look fancier than those he's used to, so he thinks he won't like it.

It's no big deal. The number of my children's friends that tell me they don't like something, just because they're unsure, and then demolish the offering when they realise they're hungry and have forgotten their shyness...

mrspat · 27/05/2011 16:21

His mum may have no idea he is so picky, my DS once told a freinds mum he wasn't allowed chicken nuggets so the mum went to the super market and bought a cooked chicken, I was mortified when I picked him up, I give him nuggets at home never once banned them

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/05/2011 16:23

I don't see why you should feel embarrased at all.

Of course the mother of a picky or allergic child should warn their host in advance, but there's a possibility that this mum may not be aware that her dc is given to insisting on specific brand food in their friends' homes.

When suppertime rolls around there's a good chance that the brat- guest will eat at least a little of the allegedly wrong brand pizza but, if not, offer a toasted sandwich or similar as a substitute - and don't make the mistake of showing them the bread or the filling beforehand.

Just play it relaxed and cool, and maybe say that if they stay over again you'll attempt to get some goodies from a supermarket of their choice if it's convenient for you.

clam · 27/05/2011 16:26

Well, fussy's the polite term for it. Spoilt, rude and brattish are the other terms you could use!

JanMorrow · 27/05/2011 16:27

Maybe she didn't think he'd be that ridiculous at someone else's house.

I was fairly fussy as a kid and I remember not wanting to eat whatever my friend's mum had in so she offered me jam sandwiches which I said I liked, but they were apricot jam (which I'd never encountered before) rather than the strawberry I was expecting so I rejected them in a very timid way. She went MENTAL at me (it admittedly must have been annoying).

I could only have been about 6 because I moved schools after that but it stuck in my memory (for being so traumatic!). Some kids are just used to certain things.

Offer him a sandwich!

JanMorrow · 27/05/2011 16:28

oh and I wasn't a "brat", I was just very unsure about new foods (drove my mum mad)

Vallhala · 27/05/2011 16:29

What clam said.

He's old enough to have better manners and would be told that it's this pizza and side dish or nothing and wouldn't be invited to my house a second time.

SweetEspresso · 27/05/2011 16:29

If she knew then no YANBU. It would be nice to be warned.

Parents generally warned me if they thought there was a chance their child would be a bit fussy. But if they didn't and a child didn't like anything I offered I just let the parents know they hadn't eaten much and they'd probably still be a bit hungry when they went home.

Sometimes children suddenly get these urges too, all of a sudden they don't like what's put in from of them and no-one including themselves knew they were going to feel that way - very strange beings children.

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 27/05/2011 16:31

You shouldn't feel embarrassed!

lazylula · 27/05/2011 16:34

YABU, to be fair she may always buy the same brand, whatever that may be, so wouldn't know that he would turn his nose up at something. Ds1 is a bit on the fussier side, but I probably wouldn't say anything as he eats or goes hungry here and would expect the same elsewhere. I certainly would not say oh he only eats such and such brand, not that he does, but you get my drift!

I don't see how buying one brand makes someone snobby, we don't know what brand it is, it could be a cheap brand, but if it isn't, so what? If the parents are happy with what they buy then I do not see the problem, it certainly isn't snobby just preference.

AgentZigzag · 27/05/2011 16:37

Maybe the mum doesn't know her DC is playing silly buggers and would be mortified?

One of DDs friends likes beans one time she comes round but not the next, and does it with a few things.

I just try and get DD to put their heads together and decide what they want before she comes round, if she doesn't like it I'll offer one other thing and then say that's all I have, otherwise she keeps coming and asking for stuff.

I don't mind pandering a bit, but not so they (including DD) take the piss.

LaWeasel · 27/05/2011 16:40

Amusingly, the mum of a member of my family, didn't think their child was fussy and was most confused when other parents said they were. (they totally were fussy btw)

The things the kid didn't eat were mostly things the family didn't eat very often either, so it wouldn't have occured to them to tell anyone child didn't like them.

Quenelle · 27/05/2011 16:47

Perhaps he's just wary because it's different to what he has at home? He might eat it when it's put in front of him.

clam · 27/05/2011 16:48

If I found out that either of my children had behaved like this in someone else's house I would be MORTIFIED!!!
And if another child came to mine and turned their nose up at what was in my fridge they wouldn't come again.

cjbartlett · 27/05/2011 16:50

Are you sure he's not just saying it's different to what we have at home
I just plonk whatever we're having down and say leave what you don't like
I get comments like we have orange cheese not yellow
I just say well leave it if you don't want it
if they were sleeping over I'd probably make a load of toast at 9pm to make sure no one went to bed hungry

HerHissyness · 27/05/2011 17:05

I think that kid is RUDE.

I had a kid over to play with my DS, never again!

He commented, said dreadfully hurtful things about the fact that DS dad wasn't here (X left 2wks previously) he turned his nose up at everything I'd cooked, ate it though, but still commented, said the house was boring, DS toys were boring, and bossed DS around non-stop.

There will be no more invites to him, that's for sure.

Sad thing is, I didn't know most of the stuff he'd said/done until after he'd gone home, so when his mum asked how things went I said 'Fine'. Wished I'd said something now... probably for the best though!

BeamMysterious · 27/05/2011 17:09

I once took a friend of my daughters away for a weekend with the family and his mum supplied the only food he would eat, as he was, in her words, a very picky eater. (He was 9). He had a suitcase containing tins of hotdog sausages, packets of chocolate hobnobs, wotsits and baked beans. And that was all he ate. His mum was a catering manager at the local primary school as well.

The worst part was my lot were jealous he got to eat wotsits and biscuits instead of "proper food". I never took him with us again.

Ragwort · 27/05/2011 17:11

I had a friend who's child was so fussy he could distinguish between 'new' and 'old' potatoes and would only eat chips made from 'new' potatoes - which I don't think is correct from a culinary POV anyway - he would also only eat a certain brand of potato waffles - because he was staying a night with us I bought waffles (don't normally) but got the wrong ones & he wouldn't eat them. When I mentioned it to his mother in a half jokey way she couldn't see anything wrong.

Am very grateful that my DS eats most things .

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