How old should little boys be when they use the men's room instead of the Ladies' room with Mum?

[missinglalaland]

I only have two girls, so I don't know the ins and outs of parenting boys. Sometimes I am surprised at the height and age of boys being steered into the "ladies" room by their mothers. Often with Fathers waiting outside!!! (Lazy gits.) I am thinking that in a place like a train station you should expect to see mum's being fairly protective, but I get a bit annoyed in places like National Trust toilets, when the boys seem embarrassed/interested.

What's the proper etiquette?

"anyway how can you assess on passing if a child is disabled or not. My DN is very disabled but you wouldnt see that to walk past him as he leaves the disabled loo or worse ladies loo accompanied by his mother"

I agree, but you did say that you thought age alone qualified children to use the disabled loo.

I suppose the fact that many disabilities are invisible enables peopel to get away with using that loo.

yes I did also say that

You have also now talked about men's loos being notorious preying grounds for perverts, so I realize that you are a loon and I'm going off to do something useful.

I am not assuming anything. I used to offer respite care for disabled children and I have had strange looks when I have taken older boys into the ladies with me when they didn't look disabled.

But I assume when someone posts that they still take their 10 year old into a ladies toilet that if that child had SEN they would mention it e.g. "I take my 10 year old into the ladies, but he has SEN". Not I staill take my 10 year old into the ladies because I don't think he wil be safe in the mens by himself.

And if children are over protected they will be immature and not able to cope with any difficult situations.

Seeker hidden disability does give a get out clause probably

But you know, higher moral ground and all that; besides I would rather give more leeway than judge wrongly EVRY time- you never know if you have got the Mum whose dx came through today, or the lady whose conformation of bowel cancer, or my BIL who knew he could die any second from complication related to using loo (they amnaged to sort with surgery hallelujah- risk of ruptured colon due to steroid meds used in ulcerative colitis treatment)

When I was little, probably about 7, I had been in town with my Uncle. We went to Burger King for food and when I needed to go to the loo he was told he couldn't take me in the gents and obviously wasn't allowed in the ladies with me. To get to the ladies there were about 3 big doors for some strange reason and when I went in alone as I was coming out I got stuck between the first and second door as it was too heavy for me to open. I tried for ages and couldn't get out. It was only when about 20 minutes had passed my Uncle finally decided enough was enough and came in and found me in hysterics.

I now have a complete phobia of public toilets and if there isn't someone with me I will only use a disabled one.

People need to start being more laid back about seeing children in toilets. After all they are kids and as has already been said, they don't have xray vision.

seeker are you moderating this thread? ...loon .

is there a rule one can only make one useful or otherwise contribution to a debate. get a grip love.

sadly, tomhardy is right. Although homosexuality is far more acceptable in society today, some mens loos are still a meeting point for male prostitutes and their clients etc. That's not to say that all men are pervs, blah blah, but a recognition that loos in particular do tend to be used for this purpose. I can see that if you are in a strange area and don't know what the loos are like, you might be reluctant to send even a 10 or 11 year old boy on their own.

Nope - not moderating. Just can't be arsed to discuss anything with loons! And anyone who thinks that the loos in Costa Coffee are being patrolled by gangs predatory paedophiles fits neatly into that catrgory.

There are few people less at rist from a gay man than a 10 year old boy! Or a 10 year old girl for that matter.

And, for the record, "homosexual" and "pervert" are not synonyms.

that the loos in Costa Coffee are being patrolled by gangs predatory paedophiles fits neatly into that catrgory.

not really what I said now is it now seeker why have you felt the need to barrate me in such a manner? not terribly insightful is it now dear, if you dont have anything useful of your own to add best not pick holes in what others have said.

Maybe this little girl would prefer not to see boys in the female toilets.

maybe this boy would rather not use the mens.

No of course they are not, how insulting. I don't see how you can possibly construe that from my post?

But it's fair to recognise that mens loos do tend to be a place where cottaging etc goes on. I wouldn't particularly like to expose a child to that irrespective of the personal risk.

And, no, not in every single mens loos, of course. But, if I was in a strange city, in an area I didn't know, where I'd no idea what the mens public loos were like, I might be inclined to be cautious and send a young boy to use the disabled loo or with me in the ladies.

Clearly boys should go in the ladies loo and changing rooms etc until they are 21. That's the only answer.

I just wish we'd had all this when I was a teenage boy. I'd have been in heaven :o

Lucky ladies.

At the end of the day all parents need to decide for themselves what's best in the circumstances for their children. If the judgeypants are too busy tapping away on MN to notice, so much better.

This thread has got a bit ridiculous really. Why can't people just be reasonable when they see a boy in the ladies and simply realise there's probably some perfectly good explaination as to why, similarly when people use the disabled toilets. My 9 year old DS will continue to come into the ladies with me when DH isnt around.

A 13yr old boy would be unlikely to go into the female toilets with his mother even if she had been with him.

Maybe the answer should be that mums who don't want their boys going into the men's toilets over the age of 8 should go into the men's with them. That way girls/women don't have to feel uncomfortable/embarrassed and the boys have protection.

Am I missing something?

I thought men's loos = getting a penis out in public; ladies = doors on every cubicle.

And frankly if you think I am ging into a men's loo (back to the boy about ds1 not looking as if he has SN and me not having a sign proclaiming it on my forehead) you are having a laugh. I am not going to be amde to feel uncomfortable about using the facility that offers maximum privacy becuase my son has needs different to those of precious parents.

Obviously if ds1 is having a good day or there is a disabled facillity then I will use thjat but the hidden Sn thing does mean we get refused access to those too.

Bloody joke really.

And one of the ore subtle ways that people with a hidden sn are amde to feel they don;t fit any group.

Not that it matters anyway, aren;t most councils cutting toilets? So it'll be shop based ones only, although many will cut insurance on those and close them as premiums rise.

Potty in the street anyone?

I don't know why me being female means I don't get it.
As I said, I would expect an 11 year old ot be allowed to go to town or the park or similar on their own.

Therefore, that 11 year old would have to be confident to go to the loo in those places by themselves.

Well I have an 11 year old and the vast majority are indeed competent.

It is i think about acknowledging both the vast scale of abilities that 11 year olds have, and the widely different facillities available to people.

Admittedly my not having been in a men's toilet (apart from once years ago) my experience comes mainly from tv/film but it's unlikely that you'll see much, if anything, unless they're waving them around that is. Why is your comfort more important than other women's/girl's?

Having said that I do think provision should be made for hidden sn/disabilities.

I agree with muffinflop - the trickier area for us with two twin boys was when to stop them weeing in the road - especially during a long car journey - filling an empty bottle was one solution - peeing out the car window didn't work as well..

I agree with muffinflop - the trickier area for us with two twin boys was when to stop them weeing in the road - especially during a long car journey - filling an empty bottle was one solution - peeing out the car window didn't work as well..

it's not just my comfort is it? it's the mens as well and surely you'd fell more exposed if you were not behind a door even if (say) you were facing the wall than with a door? I know I would! A man in a toilet in a shop- why wold that bother me?

My point was that I will not allow sosomeone to diictate to em that I should put myself at risk of being ill at ease purely through the needs of my asd son; he's old enough that not NT child would need supervision, indeed (and importantly) ds2 does not.

There will never be provision for hidden disabilties becuase they can't be seen and there's no way of proving them. As with other disabiltiy provisions (including increasingly welfare) if it ain;t see, it ain't there and if you try and say it is you are a faker and quite likely to have a mouthful from some old sod who thinks tehre was no ASD in his day and it's all made up now.

Besides, after 11.5 years of it I do quite resent having to explain. I'd far rather people do as I do, and just assume that the chances of me being so odd as to demand extra leeways just through vanity are minimal and there is, probably, something wrong.