to feel annoyed that my homestart volunteer has lectured me over my messy house

[sheepgomeep]

she is lovely she really is, she's been to the shop with my youngest two and she did my kitchen till its gleaming but she lectured me a lot on how I shouldn't be living like this (its not that bad just messy!) my kids need some where nice to live, why was I so stressed, i should have some pride in myself andbasically pull myself together

I was a bit and think maybe she shouldn't have been so blunt. She may have a point but she should keep it to her self right?

Notmyproblem

It is fair enough to critise me for what I actually say but it is shan and pathetic to keep 'putting words in my mouth that I have never said or even thought just to point score.

OP

If I were driving past you and your bogged down Corsa in my 4x4 every winter morn, what would you rather me do.

1.Give you a sympathetic wave say to my DCs comfy cosy in our vechile 'eeh what a shame' and carry on.

2.Get out of my motor say 'come on lets get a rope on her and we'll try and pull you out but you'll have to get round the back and give her a bloody good shove'

Sheepgomeep My social worker refferred me to homestart because my house was messy. I am nowhere near Kim and Aggie state but it was cluttered undecorated and with 4 kids, 1 a week old it wasn't at it's best. She even started proceedings to make the kids part of a kids in care order under neglect. I didn't realise my house was so well protected. The homestart girl, who is very nice, said she could see that we just had a bit on our plates and were struggling to get in a routine but that we would also not really benefit from being 'told' to be clean.
It is unfair that she has told you to your face that you live a bit messily but if it has the desired effect of getting you to clean more then it was maybe the right thing to do. Then again we are 9 months into being monitored for house conditions, SW clearly loves my house more then I do, and we aren't really any neater, we just know how to do a big clean-up before she visits.

You need a volunteer with a better understanding of mental health issues. No doubt she means well but is no use if she can't empathise with your illness. No harm in asking for another volunteer. Some people just don't get how depression can incapacitate you.

Think people get how OP's depression may demotivate her but OH just a lazy sod

Bit worried that it is my mum now - she's in her sixties with four grown up children, are you in SW London OP? If it is her, definitely don't worry about what she's said. She can't bear mess in any form. Last time she came to visit, she took three steps in the house and had barely said hello before she bent down to tidy up a toy that my daughter had left on the floor moments earlier.

brahbrah don't worry its not your mum, I'm in North Wales!

Oh good, not sure what I was going to do if it was. Offer to tell her off for you or something!

I would have told her to fuck right off and contacted homestart to tell them to send another volunteer. My house is a pigsty, she is welcome to come and clean it and then lecture me, i'll just wait until shes finished the cleaning before i tell her to feck off ;)

The crucial issue is: 'what sort of help did you ask for in the first place?'

If this volunteer was engaged to give you practical help, then she's out of line. In fact, she has probably been specifically instructed not to comment on your home. And even if you asked for general 'support', this shouldn't involve comments of a critical nature. In either case, the boss should have a word. After all, we could all walk in each other's houses and find something to criticise. Most cleaners are probably secretly appalled at the way their employers live!

Whether or not you 'needed to hear it' is simply not the point. There are clear guidelines in place for this lady to follow which are all the more important because she won't have specialist training.