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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel annoyed that my homestart volunteer has lectured me over my messy house

135 replies

sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 14:28

she is lovely she really is, she's been to the shop with my youngest two and she did my kitchen till its gleaming but she lectured me a lot on how I shouldn't be living like this (its not that bad just messy!) my kids need some where nice to live, why was I so stressed, i should have some pride in myself andbasically pull myself together

I was a bit Shock and think maybe she shouldn't have been so blunt. She may have a point but she should keep it to her self right?

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 25/05/2011 15:06

are volunteers exempt from being in the wrong or something? are we only allowed to vent about services taht we pay for?

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:06

well maybe when you've been let down by 3 volunteers in a row by homestart because they haven't turned up amongst other thingsmaybe you would have a cynical view like me. You are trained and if you can't adhere to that training then I'm sorry you shoulnt be a volunteer

you need to develope a thick skin if you want to become a volunteer you will encounter a lot worse than me i'm afraid

OP posts:
LadyOfTheManor · 25/05/2011 15:07

What's a homestart volunteer?

JeremyKylesPetProject · 25/05/2011 15:07

You can't just go round bluntly telling your charges (dunno the right word - client?) whats what just because you're a VOLUNTEER. It doesn't and shouldn't work that way. Money has nothing to do with common decency and manners. I'd like to think that volunteers are naturally caring and considerate by default. Not gobbing off because they receive no pay (by choice).

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:08

i would like to add that homestart are fantastic and as i have had them for 9 years this has been the only time i'm not happy

OP posts:
scaredoflove · 25/05/2011 15:09

reikizen- you don't have a clue what a homestart volunteer is for

They are sent to people struggling - with children/life/illness/disabilty

The huge majority of people who receive a volunteer are not in a good place in their lives - this is why they have a volunteer.

Homestart volunteers are trained to try not to judge, we are encouraged to speak to the homestart coordinators if we have a problem - never the parents. We have an obligation to report anything that concerns us (child protection) but again, never to mention these things to the parents - ever!

We are there to help parents with whatever they want help with - it might be just having an adult to talk to over a cup of tea or helping a parent get out of the house with the children or helping a parent to play or playing with children while parent makes dinner/paperwork etc or we accompany parents to the supermarket or toddler group, we don't suggest what to do, the parents do or they tell the homestart people. We aren't there to clean or babysit - we are support.

This volunteer shouldn't be a homestart volunteer, she has failed in what she was trained to do

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 25/05/2011 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:09

er who said i was going to run complaining ter her boss ?? thats been said by other posters not me!!

OP posts:
LadyOfTheManor · 25/05/2011 15:10

I'd quite like one of those.

What's the criteria for getting one?

coccyx · 25/05/2011 15:12

If you have been struggling for 9 years then maybe she is the first one to be honest. Kick up the rear you need. Too easy to carry on as we are and we sometimes need the truth even if we don't like it

mrsbunnthebaker · 25/05/2011 15:13

to be honest, maybe its time we all stopped pussyfooting around neglectful and inadequate parents (not saying OP is one, I dont know her from Adam) and told them straight that they are living in squalor and its not acceptable.

OP is obviously getting support from various sources so its time to take on board what's said to you, and make improvements where required, for your kids sakes if nothing else.

Confused
porcamiseria · 25/05/2011 15:13

this is a hot topic, I know..... BUT it all depends on the chaos, and others perceptons

maybe tidy up to prove her wrong?

redundant · 25/05/2011 15:14

as someone who's worked for a charity and dealt with a lot of volunteers, they need managing, just as an employee would. Particularly when they are dealing with vulnerable people who need support. Otherwise there is the very real risk they can do more harm than good.

They may be well intentioned, they may be trying to help, but the person that they are there to help is the important thing in all this - not the volunteer.

Honestly, you can't just let someone behave inappropriately because they are a volunteer! And yes, its a difficult thing to manage, much more difficult than managing a paid employee, but its essential.

BooyHoo · 25/05/2011 15:15

mrsbunn whya re you mentioning neglect and inadequate parenting? taht isn't what the thread is about.

cheesesarnie · 25/05/2011 15:17

ladyofthemanor-not sure if its same thing but in my case with family support worker-first time was me begging school,gp etc for help with ds1.gp referred us.
this time ds1 was referred by his new wonderful school!
she works from the local surestart childrens centre and theres a team of them.

i suppose you could ask hv,school,nursey,childrens centre etc what is available in your area?

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:17

ladyofthemanor you can refer yourself and speak to your hv as they can refer you to. I was referred years ago for severe pnd and my life has been pretty shit the last 9 years or so. I have had a fantastic volunteer who worked for ss funnily enough and she never made one comment about my house, she really made a difference but she had personal probs and had to finish

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:18

mrs bunn neglectful seriously omg!!!!!

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 25/05/2011 15:19

I loved my volunteer when the kids were little. She helped me so much and not ONCE did she make any comment on the house, nor indeed me. Telling a person suffering from depression that they have 'let themselves go' is akin to kicking a puppy - a shit thing to do that is incredibly unhelpful.

BooyHoo · 25/05/2011 15:19

sheep i feel like i am in a similar sort of boat to you. I'd be happy to talk to you via PMing if you want. Smile

Rannaldini · 25/05/2011 15:20

maybe she has ocd and you are feeding a need

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:21

believe me if i was neglectful my kids would have been whipped away log ago, i'm sorry but there is always food on the table clean clothes they go to school everyday and thety are loved read to. etc

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:22

booey that would be great thank you, i got to get ready for work in a bit and wont be back till half nine tonight though

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 25/05/2011 15:23

I wouldn't be put off volunteering because of the comments on this thread, but it would make me think twice about being blunt with people I don't know really REALLY well (which isn't a bad thing!)

BooyHoo · 25/05/2011 15:23

that's ok. i will be around then. just PM me when you feel like talking. i must go and do some houswork myself now Grin

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 25/05/2011 15:25

thanks to everyone who replied, i've got to get ready for work now

OP posts:
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