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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a school should be able to look after a child for over an hour?

631 replies

pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 22:47

More of a "is my friend being unreasonable" or the school?

A mum friend of mine has a career job but can't afford a nanny. A nanny would cost all of her salary. She uses the before and after school club. She works 1 hour away and her husband works 1 1/2 hours away from school. She was phoned up and asked to come and collect her son as he had a temperature and a rash.

She said, "okay I will be there in about 1 1/4 hours." The school office said, "well we need you here asap, can you get someone to come in the next 10 mins?"

My friend said, "no, I don't have any family living near by and I am uncomfortable asking a friend to pick up my son who is ill and may be contagious."

The school said to her, "you need to have an emergency contact who can get here in under 10 mins."

She replied, "well that would be great in an ideal world, but we are not from here and have no family. A friend would pick up if I was running late, but as all my friends here have children, I can't ask them to pick up my son who is ill. I am just over an hour away but the longer I am on the phone to you the longer I will be. I need to make a couple of calls to cancel meetings etc. I can't just run out, I need about 15 mins just to close up my desk etc."

I understand that a school is there to educate our children, it is not childcare or a 'sick room'. However, surely they need to understand that if both parents are working and they don't have a nanny, one of them will be along as soon as possible.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
KittySpencer · 24/05/2011 23:43

Pingu, sounds very like where I live, so school's attitude doesn't surprise me.

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:45

Am I invisible? I teach at my son's school. If it was urgent, yes, I would be allowed to take him home and class would be covered if head available or split for afternoon if not. This would take me, as I said, at least 15 minutes. If the incident was early in the day, they would get supply for rest and class would be managed as above til supply arrived. If I could not get any one to look after my son if the illness was longer than a day, I am entitled to three days unpaid leave with him.

As I also said - I'm lucky, I COULD get the childcare necessary if sickness was going to be longer than that, and often same day - but many -most?- can't. So I still think YANBU, OP, except maybe for ignoring my posts! Grin

kickingking · 24/05/2011 23:45

Tricky.

I think probably the school, as they are unreasonable to assume that everyone has friends and family locally who can be at their beck and call.

I'm worried here - when my child starts school later this year, I will not be able to just leave work at a moment's notice...I am a teacher myself and it would be quite unlikely that anyone would be instantly available to cover me. I am also 20-30 minutes drive away.

I bloody hope the school are more understanding than this. Great, another thing to worry about and feel guilty about as a working mother Hmm

Pekkala · 24/05/2011 23:45

From a teachers perspective.... I work in a small rural primary. We only have a secretary part-time. If a child is ill when the secretary is not there, I have to leave my class and start ringing through the contacts myself. We have no sick bay so if a child needs to be supervised in the loos/a quiet spot a TA will have to be released from class to look after them. So parents who are either non-contactable or a long way away can have a huge effect on the running of our school day.
Parents of children in my class tend to help us by giving lots of contact numbers - grandparents, aunties, family friends who live nearby; and also enlisting other children's parents who work part time or are SAHM/Ds. I appreciate this may only work as it's a small, cohesive community but it works for us. And isn't quite as drastic as moving jobs/schools.....

Rosebud05 · 24/05/2011 23:52

pekkala, that sounds like a good set up if you have family or friends who don't work/work p/t nearby.

Presumably, it often takes an hour or so to get hold of someone and them to get there? Similar situation to OP then - school phones contact who gets there as soon as possible.

There is still a lack of practical suggestions for those who don't have these local contacts to do to get there in 10 mins, other than their best to get there asap as OP's friend did.

FidgetPie · 24/05/2011 23:52

The school is BU (it is totally out of touch with the realities of many jobs / families - especially in commuter areas)

I'm intrigued to know what people are supposed to do. I work in central London (over an hour from our nursery) and my partner works on the outskirts near to home, but is often out and about for work. If we couldn't get there within an hour, that would just be tough. Our relatives are more than an hour away and we have one local emergency contact (who may or may not be at home at any specified time).

I certainly remember spending a good few hours on my own in our school sick room (we had no school nurse) while my mum travelled back from her job 45mins away, my dad worked in the city over an hours commute. Not fun, but equally not the end of the world.

basingstoke · 24/05/2011 23:52

From a teacher's perspective... if I get the call to say my child is ill, then I need to wait until my own class is covered, and then drive (30 mins) to their school to get them. Could be an hour easy. But then, the only time I've ever actually had to pick up a sick child I was a SAHM, and shopping in town, and it took me three quarters of an hour to get there then.

Having somebody within 10 minutes of school at all time is untterly unrealistic!

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:54

That's because there AREN'T any practical solutions to get there in 10 minutes! Even given ideal circs! And if it needs to be sorted that urgently, there is the 999 option.

sunnydelight · 24/05/2011 23:54

The school are being unreasonable. ASAP means just that, as soon as POSSIBLE. Most people at our school live a 20-30 minute drive away, that's why there is a sick room.

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:59

My son ill at school, def needs to go home and not be told to get on with it. TA comes down to my class room and tells me. (2 minutes). OK. HT informed (5 minutes minimum, including finding him). HT drops all his work and rearranges day to be with my class. (4 minutes minimum). I take son home. (5 minutes walk). 16 minutes at least, and I work in the same BUILDING.

bringinghomethebacon · 24/05/2011 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CRS · 25/05/2011 00:01

Alternative: Son ill enough to go home, but not enough that it has to be one of his parents to be with him. School phone one of my 7 local contacts. Then the next. And so on. Neighbour arrives to get son, hopefully.Prob 20 minutes minimum.

seeker · 25/05/2011 00:03

10 minutes is obviusly ridiculous.

But there is NO WAY a poorly 5 year old should have to wait over an hour to be collected.

And you can throw brickbats or whatever at me. It's just not right. And it shouldn"t happen.

TheFrogs · 25/05/2011 00:07

but seeker, some parents just dont have that choice...they have to work where they can find it. (not saying that's op friend case btw) but it is reality. I cant drive so a job just 3 miles away means an hour on public transport.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 25/05/2011 00:10

Ds2's secondary school left him sitting in the sick room with a broken wrist once. I was a SAHM, and usually not much more than 10 mins drive from the hospital, but that day I was at the gym with my friend - we were in the swimming pool, and my phone was in my locker when the school tried to ring me. They they rang dh, who was the second emergency contact, and luckily he was on his way home for a dr's appointment anyway, because usually he'd have been at work in London, well over an hour's travel away.

As soon as dh got to the school, he whisked ds2 to A&E (approx 2 minutes drive away), where his broken wrist was diagnosed and he was treated. But if dh hadn't been on his way home (I think he got to ds2 within about half an hour), I have to wonder how long the school would have left him sitting in pain with a broken wrist. It was pure luck that dh wasn't in a meeting with his phone switched off.

startail · 25/05/2011 00:10

The school, they can should be able to put the child in the office or a sick room.
Ten minutes is impossible, DH works 1 hour away, I'm often 3/4 hr away and my emergency contact is a good 30 minutes away if she's available at all.

I can't guarantee getting to school in 10 minutes from home and the girl next doors family aren't guaranteed to have a working car! (And she's not the only one who uses the bus who may not be able to get home any other way)

Brownies I agree ought to be able to be picked up relatively quickly since generally by that time in the evening someone is probably home.

pigletmania · 25/05/2011 00:11

YANBU at all! Surely there should be a sick room at school (well there was at my state primary) whereby ill children can stay until their parents are able to pick them up. It is unfair to expect a parent to pick up their child in 10 mins, they could be anywhere, it is the responsiblility of the school to hold that child until a responsible adult can come to pick them up.

Vallhala · 25/05/2011 00:11

No question. The school. If the state insists upon impressing upon us that schools are generally the best places for a child to be educated (and read some of the home ed info that LA's give out, because that's what they say) the state and their schools have to accept that this isn't a perfect world filled with nannies, childcare and local, willing and able family members. And it has to accommodate and be sympathetic to that problem.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 25/05/2011 00:13

Seeker - with the best will in the world, no arrangement is 100% reliable. I was a SAHM and was usually easily contactable - but on that one day, I was out of earshot of my phone. Dh's work was in London - he had no choice about that - so should I have cancelled any pretence of a social life and sat at home by the phone, in case one of the children got ill?

Would you be happy to be someone's emergency contact, and to pick up their sick child and care for them at your home? Or in ds2's case, to escort them to A&E and wait with them there? I doubt there are many parents who would be able to do this easily. I probably could because I have no life - but as I've shown, even that's not 100% reliable - I do go out occasionally.

pigletmania · 25/05/2011 00:13

seeker life is not always that simple, people have jobs. The boy would have had to wait an hour as that is how long from the school the mum was working, she can't teleport her way there can she Hmm

CRS · 25/05/2011 00:14

Yes, and even if you do live in that ideal world, as I do Blush 10 minutes is not long enough for anyone, I don't think. Unless you happened to be walking past the school gates on your way to a coffee morning up the road and they saw you at the exact right moment and called you in. Which seems unlikely, I think. Wink

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 25/05/2011 00:15

Oh - and I did have another emergency contact for ds2 - my best friend, whose ds was in the same class as ds2 - but she doesn't drive, and it would have taken her more than 10 minutes to walk to the school, and then she'd have had to walk him along to the hospital with his broken wrist.

pigletmania · 25/05/2011 00:15

No childcare arrangements are 100% failsafe, the emergency contacts might not be able to pick up that child at that moment in time.

LordOfTheFlies · 25/05/2011 00:18

Our school said (in Junior) if the children were unwell we still had to send them in and they would phone if they had to go home.Duh??
If DCs have D&V I don't want them spreading it round.If they have a cold,fair enough they've probably all had it.
But I workP/T and it's difficult for me to leave during the day,and a good 20min drive.

KittySpencer · 25/05/2011 00:22

Seeker with respect what do you suggest as an alternative?

My DS was 5 when I had my showdown with his HT - as mentioned above. I worked over an hour away. DS's dad worked an hour away but was on a site where he couldn't have his phone on so it was quicker for me to leave work to collect DS than wait for him to switch his phone on at lunch.

I am an only child, no parents or grandparents living. My PILs both worked, FIL over an hour away, MIL only a few miles but an hour by bus as doesn't drive. SIL and BIL similar distance. Childminder not available. All friends at work and further away than me.

On the whole comes down to the same situation as the OP's friend.

What precisely should we have done?