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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a school should be able to look after a child for over an hour?

631 replies

pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 22:47

More of a "is my friend being unreasonable" or the school?

A mum friend of mine has a career job but can't afford a nanny. A nanny would cost all of her salary. She uses the before and after school club. She works 1 hour away and her husband works 1 1/2 hours away from school. She was phoned up and asked to come and collect her son as he had a temperature and a rash.

She said, "okay I will be there in about 1 1/4 hours." The school office said, "well we need you here asap, can you get someone to come in the next 10 mins?"

My friend said, "no, I don't have any family living near by and I am uncomfortable asking a friend to pick up my son who is ill and may be contagious."

The school said to her, "you need to have an emergency contact who can get here in under 10 mins."

She replied, "well that would be great in an ideal world, but we are not from here and have no family. A friend would pick up if I was running late, but as all my friends here have children, I can't ask them to pick up my son who is ill. I am just over an hour away but the longer I am on the phone to you the longer I will be. I need to make a couple of calls to cancel meetings etc. I can't just run out, I need about 15 mins just to close up my desk etc."

I understand that a school is there to educate our children, it is not childcare or a 'sick room'. However, surely they need to understand that if both parents are working and they don't have a nanny, one of them will be along as soon as possible.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SandStorm · 24/05/2011 23:20

I think the 10 minute rule is a little OTT but yes, I think there needs to be an alternative contact. Over an hour is, presumably, on a good day. What about the days the trains are cancelled? the signals malfunction? there's an accident and the motorway is closed? etc. etc.?

Does this friend just work term time or does she have to make arrangements during the holidays? If it's the latter then maybe this arrangement could be extended (although if it's a childminder I don't see them wanting a contagious child).

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:21

I think that YANBU. If it is very serious, an ambulance, as others have said. If not, then it's just a fact of modern life that many parents just can't get there so quickly (10 minutes??) . Next year I will be ten minutes (if that) walk from my son's school, but would still have to pick up bags and arrange cover for my class etc etc in a semi (ie kid has to go home but is not life threateningly ill) situation - reckon it would in reality take at least 20 - 25 minutes.

I am in a very lucky situation, as I am close, and I have close friends as neighbours, lots of whom are SAHPs with kids at school during the day who would help (this is reciprocal, by the way - I often babysit at evenings/weekends). But many, or most in some areas, are not in the same lucky position.

going · 24/05/2011 23:22

I'm a sahm but wouldn't always be able to get back to school within 10 mins ( I do live within 10 mins walking distance).

I don't drive so bus/train/cycle to places. Would expect the school to look after my kids until I could get back which in some cases may be an hour. At times I don't even take my mobile phone with me.

If there was a medical emergency then I feel confident the school would seek medical attention.

SybilBeddows · 24/05/2011 23:23

Manic - when I was at primary school in the 70s a few families didn't even have phones!

Rosebud05 · 24/05/2011 23:23

What type of alternative contact do you have in mind, sandstorm?

Genuine question. I agree that the situation isn't ideal but honestly can't see a practical, fail-proof and realistic solution.

How could OP extend holiday childcare? Paying someone to be on call every day 'just in case'?

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:23

semi emergency, I meant to type!

Punkatheart · 24/05/2011 23:23

When I say the other side of the argument I mean from the person in loco parentis. It can be really really stressful when a child is ill and most schools and youth organisations really want the parent there as quickly as possible.

Yes mum did answer the phone while in the bath. I could have strangled her when the only excuse was that she was wallowing. She also lived a five minute walk from the brownie hall. We couldn't leave because you have to have correct proportional ratios of children per adult.

I do understand the problems encountered by parents and I am not for one second saying the OP's friend is feckless. But it does make it tricky if say - emergency surgery is involved. I had that too on an outwards bounds course for my youth club. I spotted a possible appendicitis and boy was rushed to hospital. Mother had to sign papers and at first, she said she was busy. Boy was in agony and when she got there she told him 'not to be a baby.' Finally she signed and poor boy had his operation.

There is no neat solution.

squeakytoy · 24/05/2011 23:24

Manic, I was just about to post the same thing. We didnt have a landline phone in our house until I left school at 16.. so there would have been no way of anyone getting in touch with my mum if I were taken ill at school.

We had a sick bay ( which consisted of a camp bed, blanket, and a quiet bit of the school hall!)... and school nurse who looked after you until home time. Obviously if they thought you were in imminent danger, they would call an ambulance and someone would be despatched to your home to try and find your parents.

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 24/05/2011 23:24

The school was being very unreasonable to insist on them being picked up within 10 minutes, however I can see it from their point of view.

I'm sure if it was a real emergencey the school would have called an ambulance. Schools do not have spare staff who can drop what they are doing to look after a poorly child for over an hour. So children often end up sitting in the school office, which means if there is only one member of staff in the office, that they can't leave the office, as children cannot be left unattended.

Also for a sickly child, over an hour is a very long time to wait.

KittySpencer · 24/05/2011 23:24

Pingu, according to my sons's HT (now thankfully retired the ignorant cow) mothers should work well within an hour's travel of school. Or make sure they have parents/relatives who can turn up within that magic hour. Or just not work.

It's all to do with where you live though. We are in a 'nice' area. Most dads are something in the City, and mums either don't work, or do so PT. Few families have 2 FT working parents, I was one of the minority - and now am a LP, even a smaller minority!

A few miles down the road my ex-MIL works in a school where the majority are from very poor families, in receipt of FSM etc. She told me their school only try to contact a parent if the child was really very ill - the rest of the time they would be left in the sick room til the end of school because often the parents would be uncontactable during school hours, or if contacted would refuse to attend.

KatieMiddleton · 24/05/2011 23:26

School is BU.

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:27

At the moment I teach in the same SCHOOL my son attends, and still think it would take me 15 minutes to get sorted and take him home in the situation you describe, OP! Grin

seeker · 24/05/2011 23:29

So it's ok for a feverish, blotchy,sad 5 year old to wait an hour and a quarter before someone who loves him picks him up from school?

Original poster
pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 23:29

Sandstorm - the before and after school club run a holiday club during school holidays, but they are not open during the day during term time. I think that is quite common. The before and after school club run from the main school hall.

She would LOVE a nanny. Seriously love it. However, she can't afford one. She would need the nanny to be at home from 8am till 6pm. Most of the time the nanny wouldn't have any children to look after, as they would be at school. However, a nanny on that basis, 5 days a week, is a HUGE amount of money.

Another serious question - what do teachers do when they get a call to say their child is ill? Do they just leave school? How quickly can they get to their sick child?

OP posts:
TheFrogs · 24/05/2011 23:30

Whatever happened to the school nurse? I remember my headmaster running my mum and I to the doctors once!

CRS · 24/05/2011 23:30

See above....

KittySpencer · 24/05/2011 23:31

Even if your DC go to a childminder, that's not always a solution. My old CM used to mind several children at FT school, and a couple of under 2s. She would often take the little ones on trips out for several hours whilst the others were at school, so wouldn't always be within a short distance of the school either. And that's assuming she was happy to collect a sick child anyway which she might or might not be.....

the only failsafe would be a nanny. but who can afford that?!

Jonnyfan · 24/05/2011 23:32

I think I would ask the school what they do if a teacher's child is taken ill at another school; can they zoom off to be there in ten minutes? What if the child is at that school- does teacher go home for the day?

piprabbit · 24/05/2011 23:33

Not only a FT nanny, but a FT nanny who was just waiting for a child to get ill.
DD has been at school for 3 years and (touch wood) hasn't been sent home ill yet. That would be 3 years of wages paid for no reason.

Rosebud05 · 24/05/2011 23:34

seeker, not it's not okay inasmuch as it's not desirable but is okay inasmuch as they were in a place of loco parentis and parent was on their way.

Original poster
pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 23:39

KittySpencer - we live in a 'nice' area where most of the dads commute into the City - which is 1 hour on the train. A lot of mums are sahm or do not have a career job; so I guess that is where the problem lies. The school is used to having mums who are near by.

By the way, my friend is a fabulous mum and would not wish for her son to be sat ill in the school office. She just doesn't have wings to be able to fly over to him quickly.

OP posts:
SybilBeddows · 24/05/2011 23:39

I have friends with a standby nanny - well they actually have 3 nannies. They are both high-earning city types and they have to be available to work late (all night probably) at a moment's notice, so they pay someone to be on standby every evening Shock

Original poster
pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 23:40

Do they buy you nice Christmas presents Sybil?

OP posts:
kiwimumof2boys · 24/05/2011 23:40

Pingu - sorry haven't read all msg's - so sorry if this has been brought up before - but as she can't afford a nanny (and lets face it most of us can't!) why doesn't your friend get someone to collect kids from school and stay til she gets home ? I did that whilst I was a student - 3- 6pm - collected kids from school, gave them afternoon tea, started family meal etc etc - no need for after school clubs.
Just a thought.

TheFrogs · 24/05/2011 23:41

Both my kids had childminders at some point, I interviewed I was interviewed by a fair few and none of them were willing to look after a sick child, which I think is fair enough.