to think a school should be able to look after a child for over an hour?

[pingu2209]

More of a "is my friend being unreasonable" or the school?

A mum friend of mine has a career job but can't afford a nanny. A nanny would cost all of her salary. She uses the before and after school club. She works 1 hour away and her husband works 1 1/2 hours away from school. She was phoned up and asked to come and collect her son as he had a temperature and a rash.

She said, "okay I will be there in about 1 1/4 hours." The school office said, "well we need you here asap, can you get someone to come in the next 10 mins?"

My friend said, "no, I don't have any family living near by and I am uncomfortable asking a friend to pick up my son who is ill and may be contagious."

The school said to her, "you need to have an emergency contact who can get here in under 10 mins."

She replied, "well that would be great in an ideal world, but we are not from here and have no family. A friend would pick up if I was running late, but as all my friends here have children, I can't ask them to pick up my son who is ill. I am just over an hour away but the longer I am on the phone to you the longer I will be. I need to make a couple of calls to cancel meetings etc. I can't just run out, I need about 15 mins just to close up my desk etc."

I understand that a school is there to educate our children, it is not childcare or a 'sick room'. However, surely they need to understand that if both parents are working and they don't have a nanny, one of them will be along as soon as possible.

Who is being unreasonable?

Loopy - a friend picking up and holding onto them until you get there isn't immediate medical care, though. Why should the friend be put in the position of having responsibility for a sick child? The school at least has first aiders trained in paediatric care.

Just realised that I sometimes take DS swimming while DD is at school.

Not only more than a 10 min drive away....but I'm in the pool without my phone for a good 30/40 mins.

Agree that is school thought that the child needed someone to take action within 10 mins they should call an ambulance and ask parent to meet the child at the hospital.

Hope that the child is okay, btw.

punkatheart, that isn't really the other side of the story though. OP's friend was not wallowing around in the bath. She was at work and came as soon as she could. She didn't send her child into school knowingly unwell nor did she say that she wasn't in a hurry.

Is this primary or secondary
I know my dcs primary don't have a sick room or a school nurse
tbh if you work one hour away and your dh one and a half hours away I'd move closer to one of the work places and move schools
it doesn't make sense to live far from both places of work

cj - they will have someone responsible for first aid etc though. They are obliged to.

punkatheart did she really answer the phone from
the bath!!?

hmmm I suppose I should sit in the car outside school all day as I live more than 10 minutes drive away... (especially if you count the time it takes to catch a toddler and fight them into the car seat)

Haven't read it all but your friend wasn't prepared to inflict a potentially infectious child on a friend but was happy for the infection to possibly spread throughout the whole school?

I'll accept that the school could have held on to the child for a little longer but for 1 1/4 hours? When the child was presumably ill and upset?

Give and take - she needs to come up with a compromise.

I've had this nonsense with my DS's school in the past. It ended up with me having 'words' with the HT who told me in essence that it wasn't advisable for both parents to work an hour or more's travelling distance from the school .

At the time I posted my annoyance on another, 'fluffier' parenting website (before I'd found MN), the general response was that I was in the wrong and should move closer to where I worked. Or give up my job - double .

Oakmaiden - yes I know but in primary the first wider might be a teacher sothe sick child will just be sitting with the school
secretary in a stuffy office for an hour and a quarter

Can you give an example of the sort of compromise OP's friend could come up with. sandstorm?

We've had the fabulously practical suggestions of moving school and home, just in case the child is ever taken ill again. Oh, and never going further than 10 minutes drive from the school, never turning your phone off, never letting it run out of charge etc.

Punkatheart - how long did the mum take to get to Brownies. If she was in the bath, getting out, dry, dressed, get into the car, say a short journey of 10 mins - that is still 20 mins to get to you even if she hurried.

CJbartlett - it is a primary school. The boy in quesion is 5, nearly 6. They chose where they live, because it is half way between the 2 jobs. It is in the south east where many many people (esp dads) commute into the city - hence the 1 1/2 hour journey to get home.

I also think that for a career job that you love, an hour's commute is totally reasonable.

Living near to where either of them worked would not be a great solution as the schools are dreadful where the mum works and the housing is very expensive in the City of London, where the dad works.

First aider

Rosebud I'm not suggesting for one minute that she gives up her career or that her partner gives up his career but she needs to come up with an alternative contact.

Having a child sitting out ill for over an hour is unfair on the child and the staff who are taken away from their normal duties to look after him/her.

I wouldn't want both parents to be an hours drive from
the school if I had no family nearby it's true
I have no family nearby , it takes me half an hour sometimes a bit more, even that can feel too long when you get the dreaded phone call

You know what, I may 'bump' this tomorrow morning to see what other mums think - I'm off to bed now.

I really am interested to know what is a reasonable compromise. Seriously, what are working parents supposed to do?

The moving closer to work argument doesn't hold water imo.

I have lived in my current home for 10 years. During that time I have had 4 different jobs, all at least an hour's commute from home. Each in 4 entirely different towns, none of which are near to each other - had I moved closer to any of them, I would have been royally stuffed when I needed to find another job and was even further away.

I live in the London suburbs btw - my Ex works on London building sites, all different parts of London, basically where the work is. Again, not practical to live near where he works - a) we couldn't afford central London prices and b) his location is never the same for more than a year.

Unless you have a job for life - and who does in this economic climate - you can't base where you live around it's proximity to your current job.

where can we find all these career-less, responsibility-less, always at home yet able to be at school within 10 minutes, emergency contacts?
can you buy them?

i am a sahm and within walkin distance to dds nursery, but it would still take me loner then 10 mins, i would have to et ready dd2 and ds3, pack their stuff, milk for baby etc, and then it takes 20mins to walk while im pushin the double pushchair, so should i just take all my kids and wait at the school for 3 hrs every day just incase?

Yes they're called nannies

you are not being unreasonable at all, that is ridiculous. Only a few years ago many people didn't have mobile phones and could be out of reach for most of a school day. What did schools do then?!

An alternative contact who can guarantee to be within 10 minutes of the school at all times?

My dh works over an hour away from nursery/school. My work varies - I'm sometimes away overnight. I know quite a lot of people in this area but they're either working or have young children and presumably leave home from time to time and/or aren't in a position to pick up a possibly contagious child.

I'd love to work nearer home or have family around but I honestly don't know what 'compromise' I could make.

I dont think friend is being unreasonable. I'm lucky in that my kids grandad would collect them if they were ill...but, if he didn't have the car for any reason it wouldn't be possible in 10 minutes. (Nothing to say he would be in the area anyway, he goes fishing in the day etc) My work was an hour away, my mum works and I dont have any school gate friends (I never got to know any of them because it was a quick drop off and rush to work). I'm not working at the moment but school is a 45 min walk and probably the same on buses. Even ordering a taxi, it would still be over 10 mins. I have a friend who would probably collect an ill child for me but she lives 3 miles away and doesn't drive, so again, no easy solution.

Yes, sybil, this thread is yet to spawn some practical examples of 'compromises' and nearest contacts (OP has already outlined why her friend doesn't have a nanny and actually most people don't employ a nanny to be on call in case the school should ring).