How on earth do I stop mil ringing at this time of the morning?

[janejon]

My mil keeps rings us at 6 am whenever she wants to talk to my dh (sometimes earlier!). She does this because she thinks my husband gets up early- he used to, but does not have to get up this early anymore (fortunately). I mean bs to my still being asleep and everything but that's another story...

Anyway, I'm absolutely sick of this- dh won't confront her (again another story, she won't 'remember' apparently ) but I have really, really got to stop this cap. I mean who in their right mind rings at this time anyway? (unless really, really important and not just for a 'chat'?) Please, folks, how can I stop this. Sneaky tricks accepted as long as not illegal!!

People are either running around like anything getting ready for work or, if not, asleep. So why do this anyway?! At end of tether regarding this particular issue. Help.

[caughtinanet]

Unless you accept that the likelihood of an emergency during the night is very small then you'll never find a solution as the most effective thing is just not to answer/let it go to an answering machine.

If the emergencies are family related on your side tell your family about the problem and ask them to call your mobile, if they are family on DHs side tell them to ring MIL - problem sorted.

[piprabbit]

Thanks Janejon . It'll make a change from being woken every morning at 6am by DS pulling my hair out in handfuls.

Or....perhaps your MIL could talk my DS??

[openerofjars]

Tell her bluntly that the only time that both you and DH get any chance for a shag these days is early in the morning and that she is ruining your sex life.

[unhelpful]

[seeker]

So you've said "Please don;t ring until 9.0)?"

How often does she do this, by the way?

[pisceanmummy]

Set your alarm for 3.00 a.m. and give her a call then, for a chat, and see how she likes it. Although, if she's anything like mine, she probably will!

[CalamityKate]

Does she have a mobile phone?

If so, send an ostensibly "for everyone" text, saying "Hi everyone - can I just ask that nobody phones us until after 9am, for some reason I've been having trouble sleeping lately and need all the Z's I can get! Cheers."

Then she's less likely to take it personally.

[Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast]

I'd unplug it, as for REAL emergencies, couldn't people get you on your mobile? When my dad was dying the hospital couldn't get me on the landline, so the police found me instead and got my mobile, so i'd def unplug the phone!!!

[janejon]

piprabbit After you've had just the one conversation with my mil, your ds won't have any hair to pull out. Believe me, you'd have already pulled it out yourself.

[JanMorrow]

step 1 - say politely (maybe in passing) oh, I know dh loves talking to you on the phone but he's in such a rush in the mornings that the evening is better, is that ok? He's so relieved he doesn't have to get up at 6am anymore! (hint hint)

If ignored proceed to step 2 -
Oh MIL, is it ok not to call before 8am? The kids get so grumpy when they're woken up too early!

If ignored proceed to step 3 -
MIL please don't call so early

If ignored proceed to step 4 - give anyone likely to call your landline in an emergency you and your DH's mobile numbers and turn off the ring on the landline overnight.

Hopefully, she'll get the message by step 2..

[Gandalfthedyed]

Let me be clear.

When she phones at 6 am you engage in conversation with her? -[ shock]
Are you both insane?

Phone her, TELL her not to phone at 6 am and that you will not answer.
Turn volume on phone down or cover with a pillow.

Good grief, talk about making something out of nothing!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

OP, your DH says she won't remember if you ask her not to call so early. Any evidence for this? Is senility a possibility? (not joking, just offering a possibility)

[TrillianAstra]

You say that no reasonable solution will work on her because she is unreasonable.

But so far you have always answered the phone and your DH has hapily chatted away to her. So how is she to know that she is unreasonable to call at that time?

[janejon]

No she is not senile, she just does what SHE wants to do and s*d everybody else. Unless it 'hurts' her in some way, she'll keep on ringing. I don't think asking politely will work and- as I have said before- you can't reason with the unreasonable, can you? I mean, fgs, who rings at 6am or before just for a 'chat'? Emergencies or cancellations of work transport i.e. somebody ringing someone they give a lift to work to ringing to say they're ill, fair enough. But just a 'chat' ?

[sixlostmonkeys]

sorry if it has already been suggested but - why not try ansering the next call, saying hang on I'll get dh, then put the receiver by the side of the phone and go back to sleep. After a few times of this happening surely she will get bored or take the hint.

[seeker]

Why do I get the impression that you've never actually asked her not to phone at 6.00?

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

Tell her directly that you will have her phone number blocked from your phone unless she starts ringing at a more reasonable time - and define for her what you consider reasonable - ie between 9am and 9pm.

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

But you do have to at least try asking her politely before you take this step. You know her better than we do, and are therefore probably right when you say she will ignore being asked politely - so then you tell her you'll have her number blocked if she doesn't toe the line.

[Ceic]

Perhaps you could look into getting a new phone. One which lets you allocate different ringtones to different numbers and set her number to silent? There must be such a thing now.

You wouldn't be woken and she wouldn't be able to leave messages...

It sounds like having your MIL's number on a silent ringtone would be useful in general.

[Ceic]

Actually, I think SDTG's suggestion is better than mine.

[NeopreneMermaid]

My FIL only ever phoned us after 10pm or before 8am "Because I know you'll be in then." We refused to answer for a few weeks (we knew it was him as no-one else was that ridiculous) and he now calls us at more sociable times (when we're not asleep or charging around the house trying to get out the door). As long as you keep answering, she'll keep calling.

[Pictish]

Oh for fucking fuck's sake...this is ridiculous....do NOT answer the phone...IGNORE her long rambly message and get some shut eye.

YOU are creating problems where there is none.

Don't answer the sodding phone!

[janejon]

Yes, I think the answer may lie in technology. I'm sorry to sound dismissive of the 'just tell her!' train of thought, but honestly, there is no point. It's either got to be uncomfortable for her to ring at that hour- and be honest, is anybody who is self-obsessed enough not to think, 'Hang on, they may be asleep' really going to respond to subtlety or even a direct request? In her mind, we will be the unreasonable ones. Truthfully, in her mind, we should ALL be up at this time- no ability to see anybody else's point of view at all.

Or the answer lies in changing my behaviour and that may be simply not picking up phone- but then again the ringing itself wakes me up, or blocking her number or something along those lines.

[foreverondiet]

Can you not say something like "I hope its really important as you've just woken me up and I'll just have to wake him up....". Failing that you need to turn ringer off and have answering machine message with your mobile number on it which would cover emergency.

Or, can you call her at 11pm for a chat?

[janejon]

Anyway, got to go now. Thank you for all your suggestions.

[TrillianAstra]

You have't even tried.

It may not work, but it's not exactly difficult to say "please ring later in future".

It's not as if we are suggesting you to try something difficult or expensive.