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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I?? Will show DH this thread.

101 replies

TotorosOcarina · 20/05/2011 15:25

DH has been in touch with an old workmate through facebook. He wants to meet up, including his mates wife and kids.

He has invited them for a BBQ tomorrow without letting me know beforehand. I don't want them to come because ...

a) I just gave birth last Wednesday ans still haven't managed to get myself together and even get out of the house (bar 1 esesstial, disastourous trip)

b) the house is a shit tip because of baby arriving and us being distracted by new arrival

c) the weather says its going to piss it down tomorrow meaning we WON'T be having a nice BBQ in the garden- we will end up sat in our TINY livingroom with 4 adults and 7, yes seven children under 6.

And this is a family I have never met before.

So AIBU in asking him to cancel??

OP posts:
stickytoffeepud · 20/05/2011 15:27

no

GypsyMoth · 20/05/2011 15:28

yanbu

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 20/05/2011 15:29

You are not being unreasonable to ask him to cancel the idea of a BBQ. Perhaps you could meet up with the family elsewhere in a week or so when you're feeling a bit more "together" after the arrival of your baby, somewhere where neither family has to worry about the pressure of entertaining / cleaning etc.

AddictedtoCrunchies · 20/05/2011 15:29

No you're not. Absolutely. Unless you go to bed with the new baby and close the door letting him deal with the guests and the ensuing clear up.

He's been completely unreasonable even suggesting it less than two weeks after you give birth.

mandoo · 20/05/2011 15:29

Cancel, cancel, cancel. There is no way i would be entertaining any one at this early stage. It will be even more of a nightmare because you don't want them there any way. Why not suggest meeting at a local pub with garden for lunch instead?

Tee2072 · 20/05/2011 15:30

YANBU.

Madamolive · 20/05/2011 15:31

YANBU- You've just had a baby! You should be relaxing, bonding with your new arrival and more importantly recovering from child birth! One week on from myself giving birth i was still recovering and scheduling in seeing family and friends (that i knew i wouldn't judge on the circles, baggy clothes, messy house etc.)

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 20/05/2011 15:31

Am I reading this correctly? Your baby is 9 days old? 9 days? And he has invited a bunch of strangers into your home. I would be locking myself in bedroom with baby and not coming out until they had left and then i'd kick his head in.

sephrenia · 20/05/2011 15:31

YADNBU! With still trying to get it together so soon after the baby being born, I'd be more than mortified at anyone but my mum turning up!

I'm surprised you haven't offered to show him what a barbecue skewer can do when used in new and inventive ways....Grin

manicbmc · 20/05/2011 15:31

You just had a baby what on earth is he thinking. Definitely cancel.

frantic51 · 20/05/2011 15:31

YA soooooo NBU! Your DH is an arse!

meditrina · 20/05/2011 15:31

No.

But it is his house too, so if he really does want them, I recommend you and your newborn (congratulations, BTW) retreat upstairs for most of the visit (you'll probably both still need to sleep a lot anyhow). DH will have to do all the tidying, shopping, hosting and clearing up.

Pinkjenny · 20/05/2011 15:32

YANBU

WhoAteMySnickers · 20/05/2011 15:32

YANBU.

If he really really wants to meet them tomorrow, suggest meeting elsewhere, like a family pub, then tell him that tomorrow you need a sleep in, a relaxing bath, a trip to the hairdressers, followed by a bit of shopping while he looks after your baby.

MissFenella · 20/05/2011 15:32

No - what is he thinking? If he wants something to do surely he could do the housework?

valiumredhead · 20/05/2011 15:32

YANBU at all! Shock

FollowMe · 20/05/2011 15:32

He is being very much unreasonable!!
In fact if I was the wife of the said ex colleague I would be trying to convince my dh to turn down the invite knowing how crazy it would be to turn up at someones house I had never met who had just given birth and expect them to host dinner! I would fully expect that the dh could not have run it by his wife at all.

If your dh totally refuses to cancel (if he is an arse basically) then I'd take you and the baby to a close friends of your mums for the day and leave dh to cope with spring cleaning whole house in preparation, in charge of other dcs and to deal with all the hosting responsibilities!

HubbaHubbaBubba · 20/05/2011 15:33

Congrats on your not even 10-day old.

CANCAL (or rather, postpone)

Is your DH sleep deprived and therefore making looney decisions?

FWIW my dad invited some friends over for lunch the day after my sister was born. He hadn't told said friends my poor mother had just given birth and needless to say he hadn't checked with my mum, and to this day all parties (bar my dopey dad!) talk about his lack of empathy and tact - 40 years later!! :o :o :o

ninedragons · 20/05/2011 15:34

Jesus Christ on a bike. Your husband is beyond unreasonable - he is clinically insane to think that approaches a decent suggestion.

HubbaHubbaBubba · 20/05/2011 15:34

Blush CANC E L Blush

Vallhala · 20/05/2011 15:34

He is taking the absolute piss. I'd give him two choices. He can cancel and explain that his wife only gave birth less than a week ago and that he is a dickhead for even thinking of it or entertain them himself elsewhere as I would neither tidy up, dress up, be welcoming or remove myself from my sitting room in order to accomodate complete strangers. Or even speak to them! Or him!

I'm sure that your DH is just being thoughtless rather than domineering and unpleasant but the very thought of his lack of consideration and ill manners towards the mother of his newborn has enraged me!

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 20/05/2011 15:35

Yes, I think the pub lunch thing is a much better idea and a few weeks down the road,

they wanted to come before he was born but i was just all over the place the last few weeks so I said to DH 'wait till the babys born' but its too soon.

Am glad its not me just being an unsociable arse. Which I am anyways but this time I feel justified in my thinking!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/05/2011 15:36

I think it's do-able OP, actually... settle yourself comfortably on the sofa with your baby, put on whatever you like of your dvds... and start writing a long long list of all the things that need to be done by tomorrow.

When DH comes in, give him said list and tell him to knock himself out... Grin

MrOscarina... You are a foolish man, learn this lesson and learn it well - do not make arrangements like this without running them past your wife first. Now... pick up your duster and get going. Hmm

Madamolive · 20/05/2011 15:36

Let us know when he puts his tail between his legs changes his mind :D

Bumfuzzle · 20/05/2011 15:37

I agree. If he wants to host them then let him host them. Go out. Go upstairs if you don't want to go out.

It is unreasonable enough to invite strangers to the home you share 9 days after you have given birth without even asking your opinion! He would be so far beyond unreasonable that unreasonable would be a tiny dot in the distance, barely visible to the naked eye if he thought that he could invite people round and assumed that you would cook and play hostess - did he assume that? (before I hit the roof I had better find out Wink )