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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I?? Will show DH this thread.

101 replies

TotorosOcarina · 20/05/2011 15:25

DH has been in touch with an old workmate through facebook. He wants to meet up, including his mates wife and kids.

He has invited them for a BBQ tomorrow without letting me know beforehand. I don't want them to come because ...

a) I just gave birth last Wednesday ans still haven't managed to get myself together and even get out of the house (bar 1 esesstial, disastourous trip)

b) the house is a shit tip because of baby arriving and us being distracted by new arrival

c) the weather says its going to piss it down tomorrow meaning we WON'T be having a nice BBQ in the garden- we will end up sat in our TINY livingroom with 4 adults and 7, yes seven children under 6.

And this is a family I have never met before.

So AIBU in asking him to cancel??

OP posts:
AppleyEverAfter · 20/05/2011 18:00

YA so NBU.

Can you visit them instead, then make a swift exit after an hour or so?

Sqee · 20/05/2011 18:12

Welcome to Mumsnet MrOscarina

Just kidding!

I want you to take a moment to look at your lovely wife. She has just spent the past 273.931649 days (9 months) growing a human being inside her! Then she had the pleasure of painfully bring that human being into the world! 9 days ago!

You should honestly be taking that lovely rainy Saturday to snuggle for a whole uninterrupted day with your beautiful new baby (Congrats BTW) and let your wife get a nice hot bath, blow dry her hair and have some time to herself.

OR

You could have a chaotic filled day full of wet crying children and burnt sausages!

Make no mistake here... She will castrate you! :o

CurrySpice · 20/05/2011 18:20

Yanbu and apart from wondering what planet your dh is living on, I'm wondering if the mates wife knows you have just given birth because I expect she would tell her dh not to accept if she did

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 20/05/2011 18:24

YANBU Your DH is being a thoughtless, inconsiderate arse.

Btw I'm willing to elevate him to twat of the highest order if he insists on going ahead with this.

DontGoCurly · 20/05/2011 18:33

YADNBU

This is a no-brainer.

Your husband is either mad or has a death-wish! What on Earth was he thinking?

TheNumberTaker · 20/05/2011 18:35

YANBU. Your H is fucking insane.

YABU if you don't find time in the next few hours to go into the shed and find a vice to stick his bollocks into.

cjel · 20/05/2011 18:40

Don't think dh is that bad OP says hes done all the work , he probably thinks bbq will mean that she won't have to do anything and that a nice afternoon in the garden while he does everything is a good thing. The only thing I would say is that if OP doesn't feel up to it then it would be better if he cancelled and reshceduled for her!!

ThePontypinesAreFriendsOfMine · 20/05/2011 18:45

Do they know you've just had a baby? I would be mortified to turn up at someone's house who had just had a baby without knowing them TBH. I'm sure if they knew they'd suggest rescheduling for another time. I know I would.

hairylights · 20/05/2011 18:46

What a complete and utter selfish and inconsiderate bastard. Yanbu.

HubbaHubbaBubba · 20/05/2011 18:52

Guys, take a step back - OP's DH has been silly and thoughtless (or has the 'wrong' thought about what might be nice), but I don't think this makes him "fucking insane", an "inconsiderate bastard", "inconsiderate arse", "thoughtless tit" etc etc!

hairylights · 20/05/2011 19:02

Hubba he's organised for a family to come around that the op has never met nine days after giving birth and without checking with her first!

MerylStrop · 20/05/2011 19:04

It's like he's got amnesia and forgotten he has a newborn.

YANBU

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 20/05/2011 19:05

I know hes not any of those things Hubba :) Wink

I told him I didn't want them coming and hes going to cancel.

TBH I find the whole thing a little odd, i'm not really into 'having people round' and they sent us a card with 'congratulations, can't wait to come and see you all'

Found it a leeeetle odd.

But then my social skills and tolerence are '0'.

I'd happily go the next 20 years without inviting anyone for a BBQ bar close family.

OP posts:
twoislookingonthebrightside · 20/05/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vicky2011 · 20/05/2011 19:07

Well-meaning but not-thinking DH. Tell him they're welcome to come if he doesn't mind spending the whole of this evening tidying and doing all the shopping and prep tomorrow while you look after the littlest but that it really would make much more sense to leave it a few weeks.

Congrats btw :)

diddl · 20/05/2011 19:08

"I'd happily go the next 20 years without inviting anyone for a BBQ bar close family."

Perhaps your husband doesn´t want that-which is why he has rushed ahead to plan something at an inconvenient time?

JamieAgain · 20/05/2011 19:10

Totoros - I think I am you. I hate "hosting". I'm lovely really but I come out in hives at cooking for anyone but close family and best friends.

BUT this WU for even people with normal levels of sociability. Glad your DH has understood now

Amateurish · 20/05/2011 19:12

YABU (just to be different)

Just to pick up on something you mentioned earlier - he suggested pre-birth and you said wait untill after the birth. Which he did. So maybe we have a lack of comms here - you should have said wait until a few months after the birth.

To be fair he is just doing what you suggested. And it's a BBQ so hardly huge amounts of work.

If he's going to do all the prep and the cooking then I think you might actually enjoy it.

microserf · 20/05/2011 19:14

dear god, YANBU. it sounds like the very definition of hell itself OP.

it sounds like the pub lunch in a few weeks would be an excellent suggestion.

pink4ever · 20/05/2011 19:28

Op-are your dh and mine the same person?. My dh decided
w had have a bbq on the dayShockI got out off hosp after having dc(c section). He left me with 3 dcs,no formula so had to go to shopsAngry.
He then spent 2 hours building new bbq. When I cam home from shops he announced he was off to buy the food...oh and btw the inlaws and my sil/nieces were on their way round!.
I then spent the next 2 hours entertaining them(making tea etc) and fil actually stood and watched me on my knees on kitchen floor,wiping up a spillageShock.
As you can imagine I told dh where to stick his bbq(and a long time later I still bloody hate themGrin.
Should have said-YANBU!!!!

KatieWatie · 20/05/2011 19:34

YANBU! Sounds like the sort of thing my DH would do, not out of malice but in some misguided attempt to socialise us (we do need it though). But still I'd be mega p*ed off! You should be relaxing and recovering with your nearest and dearest, not worrying about entertaining and impressing total strangers!

Get him to cancel it NOW before it gets any nearer!

madwomanintheattic · 20/05/2011 19:36

i think it sounds as though the dh is inordinately proud of his wife and family (including newborn) and wants to show them off to an old friend.

his timing sucks, however. Grin but i think the thought was a lovely one.

if he's sone everything, you never know, it might be ok. the sun might come out?

i hate socialising. but sometimes the events i dread most are the ones that actually are ok... maybe the family is lovely, you will make lifelong friends, and will laugh about this in a couple of years in that 'do you remember that first time we met?' way?

maybe not, like. but maybe.

MigratingCoconuts · 20/05/2011 19:45

If you could get over the stress of total strangers in your newly baby-ed (congrats Smile) home, you could pull a blinder and get them to hoover, cook some meals for the freezer, get in the shopping, put on a load or two of washing, do the ironing, tidy up and babysit whilst you sleep...for you as a 'new baby' present. Heck...get them to pull their weight a bit.

Seriously, definately your husband has been thoughtless in the extreme! nice idea to meet up with an old mate; really bad timing.

MigratingCoconuts · 20/05/2011 19:47

pink4ever I am amazed your DH is not seriously ex!!!!! Shock

iloveroses · 20/05/2011 19:54

YANBU