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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell anyone dd's musilm friend ate meat?

126 replies

elphabadefiesgravity · 18/05/2011 20:04

I suppose this is more of a what would you do if anything.

I was asking hte children what they had for lunch at school today so I could plan tea. Dd said we had spaghetti bolognese, ds said I had veggie sausages and pasta (he's not veggie but doesn't like meat much.

Anyway dd said I tried a bit of x's veggie sausage in return for some of my bolognese.

Dd's best friend is muslim and only eats vegetarian food at school. I have seen her younger sister at parties ask if food is halal and I overheard snatches of a conversation last week between the teacher and her mum about problems at a special day when messages regarding suitable food or something hadn't got through or one of them had eaten something by accident - not quite sure as I didn't hang around to eavesdrop.

Part of e thinks that she is 9 years old and so able to make her own choices - apparently it was her idea to trydd's food as "no-one will know" but they obviously have strong religious views and also I don;t want dd to get into trouble for being part of it.

The easy thing for me is to say nothing - but is that reasonable?

OP posts:
Kallista · 18/05/2011 23:48

The few strict muslim pts at our hospital do get halal meat or veg curries if requested - delivered by a local firm. They are the lucky ones IMO!

For the non-muslim pts the meats used are fatty turkey mince or the cheapest cuts diced in thin stews. The sausages are just all gristle. Bleugh!

At school i would be more concerned about other influences than just food. Eg at aged 10 a classmate of mine would bring in vodka + coke to share. Her parents knew + didn't care at all :(.

cantspel · 19/05/2011 00:12

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Yes a muslim cannot eat any meat unless it has been slaughtered by a muslim in the name of Allah so that rules out road kill and anything that died of natural causes.

maypole1 · 19/05/2011 00:23

Seeker you are a fool drink for a child can have serious issues anything could of happened not alerting a parent to a child eating a pepperamie is very different to allowing some else's child have a sip of your jack d and coke and if you can't see that then you really are a fool.

camdancer · 19/05/2011 07:20

apprenticemum - I was that child! A party isn't a real party without cocktail sausages and ham sandwiches. As soon as I was old enough to be left at the party on my own, I'd be straight at the contraband. My parents were sensible enough to turn a blind eye, so it wasn't really an issue.

Seeker, there is a very big difference between hearing that a 9 year old swapped some food at school and giving a child alcohol at your own home. Part of the importance of school is the independence it gives to children to explore without parents around. It would have been different if this had happened at the OP's house while she watched.

lesley33 · 19/05/2011 07:36

Many places use halal meat because it is cheaper to buy.

exoticfruits · 19/05/2011 07:43

I'm sure that all children do the same camdancer, once the parent stops hovering. At 9 yrs old they are old enough to understand what they are supposed to be eating, as long as you supply it- and don't give them the wrong food- it is up to them. I'm not going to hover behind someone's 9 yr old at a party.
I would just turn a blind eye if they are deliberately choosing to eat something different.
You would have to keep a closer eye if they had a medical allergy-but even then by 9yrs they understand this and know perfectly well that it has to be avoided-those with allergies don't knowingly deviate.

DrNortherner · 19/05/2011 07:46

We had this last year. Ds who is 9 has a friend who is also muslim. He does eat meat, but only halal. So, it's easier for them to tell everyone he is vegi as the liklihood of anyone having halal meat is nill.......

Last year at ds's birthday party I provided vegi sausages for him to have as hot dogs, and I caught him munching on a burger. I kept quiet about it.

beesimo · 19/05/2011 07:54

izzywhissect

When we have our beasts killed they have been pre stunned

Halal method kills the beast when they are fully conscious of what is going on that is what they mean by 'live' they have to be fully aware.

mumblechum1 · 19/05/2011 08:01

A little while ago on Radio 4 they were talking about halal. Someone from the RSPCA was saying how cruel it was and why didn't Muslims catch up with modern ethical practices (the Muslim there was saying that Allah had told Mohammed that Halal was the way to do it). The Muslim said that because Allah was omniscient,he knew 1.5k years ago that new, modern practices would come in now but had decided to stick with the ritual slaughter method.

Religion, eh? I do despair sometimes.

valiumredhead · 19/05/2011 08:50

OP I wouldn't say anything.

Halal meat isn't served as a matter of course in schools round where I live either (although it can be ordered in if need be)

CordeliaCatkin · 19/05/2011 09:30

Op this is none of your business - and it's not up to your dd to police her friend's food choices. Sharing food is quite normal behaviour after all.

Why anyone would want to get involved in forcing someone else's child to stick to a particular religious observance is beyond me.

exoticfruits · 19/05/2011 09:54

I agree totally Cordelia, at 9yrs old the DC is well able to understand and stick to the right food-it isn't my job to police other people's children's food choices. I make sure that the correct food is available-after that it is completely up to them. I am also not going to report back to a parent.
(If they are under about 7yrs I would keep a closer eye, in that they might not have a proper understanding.)

bronze · 19/05/2011 10:03

Halal covers more than just meat. Animals that are killed using the dhabiha (method) are the ones that fit Halal, minus of course pork.

It does say something about if there is no alternative then non halal is ok

C4ro · 19/05/2011 10:20

You are right to say nothing. Your DD and the poor kid will be mortified if their parents are hardcore and get cross about it with either on them.
One of my defining moments for religion=crock was as a RC child, my mum used to make me go to CoE sunday school. Normally you were in there until well after the host bit but one time we came out in time and I, having done my first communion, went up to get one and the priest gave me a host. He realised his mistake and, (now with adult hindsight I see), he came round to tell my mum/ apologise and presumably tell her he wasn't trying to convert me or anything weird. Except, to my 7-year-old eyes, I was called downstairs, asked in very serious tones by my mum if I'd done this and told not to do it again as it was VERY BAD. I was left utterly baffled, very embarassed and still totally unaware of all the many incomprehensible minutia differences between CoE, Unified, RC and all the various other christian places that to a childs eyes are identical (bible, jesus, basic outline mass etc).

aldiwhore · 19/05/2011 10:56

I'd not say anything to either your dd or your dd's friend's mum. Your dd isn't your dd's friends keeper or conscience, and if your dd's friends wanted to try some spag bol then why not? She would have known she shouldn't and made an informed choice....

seeker · 19/05/2011 17:34

"Seeker you are a fool drink for a child can have serious issues anything could of happened not alerting a parent to a child eating a pepperamie is very different to allowing some else's child have a sip of your jack d and coke and if you can't see that then you really are a fool"

Maypole1 - I am always amused by this incredibly scary 'anything" that could happen in practically any situation!

megapixels · 19/05/2011 17:53

No halal meals in school here and I'm in Watford, which has a considerable number of Muslims. DD1 is vegetarian at school due to no halal option but I don't expect other parents to be policing her eating habits. At 9 she knows very well what she is supposed to eat and not.

I am a bit Hmm at the supposed number of Muslim children intentionally biting into pork products when the parents aren't looking. I went to a school with very few Muslims and never had any desire to taste anything non-halal, and none of the other Muslims did either (to my knowledge that is, and I don't think they'd be bothered about hiding it from other pupils).

beesimo · 19/05/2011 18:01

megapixels

I am not asking this to be rude or shan with you but can you explain why the animal has to be conscious at the point of death I just don't understand it.

grumpypants · 19/05/2011 18:11

mine are all strict vegetarians and i am dismayed at the poorly disguised glee with which some of you are recounting tales of veggie/ Muslim/ vegan children tucking into 'forbidden' food stuffs. My children , due to the many pretend sausages etc have been mortified on the rare ocassions they have accidentally eaten meat. So, no, I'm not convinced this child knew it was wrong, and didn't just think it was Quorn or soya.

Original poster
elphabadefiesgravity · 19/05/2011 18:43

She would have known grumpy. There are 3 meal options per day, the meat option, the veggie option and the snack option (jacket potato or pasta)

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 19/05/2011 18:57

Grin seeker

maypole1 are you honestly saying that "anything" (whatever that is) could happen as a result of a 10yo taking a sip of wine? The mind boggles, really it does.

Back to the OP - ummm, I'd keep quiet. The other girl is old enough to regulate her own food.

garcons meat isn't Halal in my local authority, either.

exoticfruits · 19/05/2011 19:05

I am having trouble thinking what may happen with one sip of wine. Anything- conjurors up horrible pictures.

I wouldn't serve meat to your DC grumpypants, but if it was a buffet I would tell them what was meat and leave it to them. At 9 yrs old they are old enough to then choose. I wouldn't tell the parent. I don't tell any parent what their DC eats at a party. I am not the food police -at 9yrs they are old enough to know for themselves. (Maybe the mother is the strict vegetarian and they have never had the choice).

TheNumberTaker · 19/05/2011 19:09

Perhaps at the ripe old age of 9, this girl has decided that the religion her parents have chosen for her, (with her presumably having no say in it whatsoever), and the rules this imposes on her, is a total croc, so she'll eat what she pleases when they're not around. Much as i did at a similar age with the batty mixture of Christianity and Hinduism I had imposed on me as a child. I can still taste those lovely roast beef dinners we used to get at school.

OP, just stay out of it, she can make up her own mind what she eats.

TubbyDuffs · 19/05/2011 19:16

Sorry haven't read all the replies, but the OP reminds me of when I was 9 years old (a bloody long time ago) and I had a friend who was a Jehova Witness... anyway, it was Christmas and she sent a few friends home made christmas cards, which I thought was lovely; however, one of my friend's parents reported her to her parents/the school and she was in a lot of trouble. I remember thinking at the time (at 9 years old) how bloody unreasonable the parent was to grass her up!

Really what good will come of telling over this child?

exoticfruits · 19/05/2011 19:17

I agree TheNumberTaker-parents bring up the child to follow them, but they have to accept that the child might not have the same beliefs. After the age of about 8yrs they should start questioning things.
If I was a child of a strict vegetarian and my mother found out I had eaten sausages I would 'be mortified' and tell her I thought they were veggie ones-especially if I was never given the choice.

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