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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell anyone dd's musilm friend ate meat?

126 replies

elphabadefiesgravity · 18/05/2011 20:04

I suppose this is more of a what would you do if anything.

I was asking hte children what they had for lunch at school today so I could plan tea. Dd said we had spaghetti bolognese, ds said I had veggie sausages and pasta (he's not veggie but doesn't like meat much.

Anyway dd said I tried a bit of x's veggie sausage in return for some of my bolognese.

Dd's best friend is muslim and only eats vegetarian food at school. I have seen her younger sister at parties ask if food is halal and I overheard snatches of a conversation last week between the teacher and her mum about problems at a special day when messages regarding suitable food or something hadn't got through or one of them had eaten something by accident - not quite sure as I didn't hang around to eavesdrop.

Part of e thinks that she is 9 years old and so able to make her own choices - apparently it was her idea to trydd's food as "no-one will know" but they obviously have strong religious views and also I don;t want dd to get into trouble for being part of it.

The easy thing for me is to say nothing - but is that reasonable?

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 18/05/2011 20:46

Blimey, I didn't know schools usually use halal meat. Quite shocking, really, when at home I'm careful to buy ethically raised and slaughtered meat,eg RSPCA approved, etc. Surely the schools should give the choice of humanely or ritually slaughtered meat

squeakytoy · 18/05/2011 20:50

Mumble, you really should read up on the facts about Halal meat. You have been misinformed about the humane side of it.

Kallista · 18/05/2011 20:52

YANBU, it's not your business to say anything.
Just make sure if you feed her that you stick to her parent's rules.
Tell your DD you would prefer her to not share food with her friend + explain why; but also say that if her friend insists on eating the 'wrong' foods then it's ultimately up to her - but you don't want to hear about it.

camdancer · 18/05/2011 20:54

This made me laugh - and remember when I was in school. I had to have vegetarian meals at school for religious reasons. Every f'ing day it was a scoop of grated cheese. So after a while I used to swap my cheese for whatever my friends were having. Mmm, pork sausages! Smile

At 9, your DD's friend is old enough to make her own decisions. She knows exactly what she is doing. Leave it well alone.

nancy75 · 18/05/2011 20:54

thinking about this i am suprised the school don't stop them sharing food. At my dd's school children are not allowed to share food in case of allergies.

WishIWasRimaHorton · 18/05/2011 20:58

our school has halal options on the menu in addition to standard meals and a veggie option. sometimes veggie and halal are the same. sometimes halal and standard are the same (eg chicken). sometimes there are 3 options (eg pork sausages / chicken sausages / veggie sausages).

Oakmaiden · 18/05/2011 21:17

Interesting article about halal food

frgaaah · 18/05/2011 21:32

I wouldn't say anything.

It's not your responsibility to police what that child is eating, at 9 she knows she is going against her parent's wishes (because that's what they are - she obviously doesn't agree with them, or didn't on this occasion). It's not your role to step in and report her. You didn't even see the exchange or were in the room when it happened.

None of your business, sorry, and I think you may be opening yourself up to them avoiding fostering the relationship between your DC and theirs if you highlight your daughter as a path to getting any forbidden food.

beesimo · 18/05/2011 21:36

What that article dosen't take into account is the mental suffering of the beasts, all living creatures are distressed and maddened with fright by the smell of blood and when they see their sister cows having their throats slit it is must be dreadful for them. It is far better to stun a cow then move it across into the next part of the slaughter house to butcher. All killing is brutal yes but we should always miminise the cruelty to a animal wherever possible.

duchesse · 18/05/2011 21:36

I once accidentally gave a Jewish 9yo bacon. I felt so guilty but his parents just laughed it off. Another friend with a quite strict Jewish upbringing used to eat full English breakfast every morning just to annoy his mother. A third friend's teenagers (Muslim) drink alcohol. I pointed out to her that the Quran says you're not supposed to be intoxicated rather than not drink alcohol, so surely it's OK if you don't get pissed?

I think that at 9yo your dd's friend knows what she may and may not eat in theory. I would say nothing, personally. It's up to her and her faith by now surely?

troisgarcons · 18/05/2011 21:49

You must be in the only area in the UK that doesn't serve ALL meat as Halal.

All schools and hospitals (and I daresay all other public secor canteens) serve all meat as halal - if you don't believe me - go look at the certificates on the kitchen wall. Ah,, and just to upset everyone further - it''s shipped in from butcheries in France as the UK hasn't quite cottoned on to this boom industry yet.

chubbly · 18/05/2011 21:51

Don't fret too much, I was brought up veggie and ate a sausage at a party. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to, I very proudly told my mum what I'd eaten and she just said 'oh dear!'. She's never pushed me into staying veggie and she's not at all bothered that we now eat fish and my brothers no longer veggie. The less said the better, it probably won't be the last time she tries non halal - accidental or not. It's not like you can undo it.

duchesse · 18/05/2011 21:54

trois- that must be very new as my friend's Muslim children ate turkey twizzlers at school for years before their mum discovered they were 40% pork. Obviously not halal pork. This was pre-Jamie Oliver.

Original poster
elphabadefiesgravity · 18/05/2011 21:56

Its a private school and they cook all meals on site

OP posts:
maypole1 · 18/05/2011 22:08

I would say nothing just goes to show most of this veggie,halal vegan shit is the parents wants and no at all what the child enjoys.

My lo has a friend who is a "Muslim" more like her parents are Muslim and their making her one two every time I see her she is eating some sort of pork product I say nothing unless its a medical issue or health the theirs no issue

forwantofabetter1 · 18/05/2011 22:20

Troisgarcons
I work in a primary school and I can assure you that other than on specific days (usually once or twice a week) the meat in our school kitchen is NOT halal and when it is served as an option it is only available to children whose parents have requested it.
This is also true for the other 4 schools in our family and in my sons school which is in the neighbouring county.

annabel1972 · 18/05/2011 22:21

Troisgarcons - a lot of the schools where I live (Yorkshire) use locally farmed meat for ecological reasons. My kids school buys it's meat from the same farm shop as me - it's definitely not halal as i know the family who own the farm and the shop.

handsomeharry · 18/05/2011 22:26

Not true here either troisgarcons.

troisgarcons · 18/05/2011 22:26

Big screed in the papers a few months ago about it - quote easy to google exactly how far the halal contracts are reaching.

seeker · 18/05/2011 22:34

So a 9 year old is old enough to go against her parents wishes when it comes to religious observance, but on another thread an 8 year old is a "baby" who can't be allowed out to play or walk home from school alone.

Oh, and recently I was castigated by a lot of mumsnetters because I, without thinking, let a 10 year old have a taste of wine without checking with the parents first!

manicinsomniac · 18/05/2011 22:55

huh? why is almost all meat in the UK halal when less than 3% of the population is muslim? What about people who think it's cruel? Or people with other dietary requirements (religious or otherwise) which aren't catered for so comprehensively.

I have never heard this before and it seems really bizarre. I was going to say I'm sure the meat at the school where I work at is NOT halal (also independent that cooks on site) but I guess they must source their meat from somewhere so maybe it is. We only have 3 muslim children out of 400 and I'm fairly sure they eat vege so it seems unlikely.

I'm intrigued, might go into school tomorrow and ask the kitchens.

I get the purpose of following religious dietary laws in areas where there is a large percentage of the local population that adhere to them. But not countrywide.

foreverondiet · 18/05/2011 22:57

Def don't mention it to the mum - you weren't there so it would be your DD's word again her DD (who would deny it) but tell your DD not to share her food in that way again. If you are really concerned mention to the class teacher.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 18/05/2011 23:05

"Also, like Kosher, an animal must be slaughtered while it is still alive"

Something of a misnomer here, Doodles? Or it is expressly forbidden for Muslims to eat road kill or any animal that has expired through natural causes?

Tigerbomb · 18/05/2011 23:15

Halal meat is everywhere now. My local KFC, Domino's are Halal and according to the Daily Fail it is in most Supermarkets www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1315278/Top-supermarkets-secretly-sell-halal-Sainsburys-Tesco-Waitrose-M-S-dont-tell-meat-ritually-slaughtered.html

apprenticemum · 18/05/2011 23:22

My DD had several Muslim schoolfriends and we were all aware of their dietary requirements at parties. However one little girl was so partial to sausages that we had to stand guard over her or she would gorge on them given half a chance. What was so annoying was that the parents never stuck around to see that their DD adhered to the diet code or made it plain to her that sausages, ham sarnies etc were not to be eaten. Despite our best efforts, on the odd occasion she would manage to swipe some contraband and we said nothing since what the eye dosen't see, the heart can't grieve over. The little girl obviously kept her trap shut since there were never reprocussions!